Truce
by Daleks and Doctors
Summary: It's the beginning of their last year, and James is acting differently. Lily finds herself torn between holding on to her anger and starting over. LE/JP with possible other pairings
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, promise.

 **Rated M for:** coarse language, violence, and potential future graphic sexual scenes

 **A/N** Hello Everyone! This is my first ever time posting here (which is a little terrifying). This story has been sitting on my computer for years, and I figured it was time to post it. I would love your comments/reviews and I hope you enjoy!

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 **Chapter 1**

 _He's got to be kidding me. He's got to be_ kidding _me._

 _There is no way that he can begin his inane harassment BEFORE WE EVEN GET TO SCHOOL. Nope, no way. I refuse to believe it._

These were the exact thoughts Lily voiced to the two seated girls as she paced haughtily back and forth in their verging-on-claustrophobic train compartment. Marlene shook her head, trying _so very hard_ to hold back her laughter. Emmeline just smirked as her eyes followed Lily's livid form back and forth.

"Not sure that's an option at this point, Lil" Marley said, her voice coated in laughter. Emmeline began to rummage through her rucksack. A few moments later her hand came out brandishing her warped brown notebook.

"Well, I can bloody well try, can't I?" Lily retorted, stopping her pacing for a moment and flicking her eyes to the both of them. "Don't you dare write a _thing_ in that book, Emmeline." she hissed, pointing an accusing finger at the traitor.

"It's gotta be done, Lily." She reached into her bag once more and brandished a red quill. Marking a quick tally, Emmeline looked down at the page and counts the dashes "72." She whistled lowly. With that, the dark haired girl snapped the book shut on her lap. Lily rolled her eyes.

Lily absolutely despised that book. That damn book that had been started as a joke in third year and had gone on far too long (in Lily's opinion, anyway). Lily couldn't exactly remember how it had all started, she couldn't even remember a time before the book. Over the years, Emmeline and Marlene had created a system to categorize and document every instance of, what they liked to call, "The Potter-Evans Saga".

Any interaction Lily Evans had with James Potter had been color-coded, and any notable lines were recorded for posterity (and future humiliation of Lily). Red mark meant the traditional, unpleasant encounters that usually left Lily fuming and James with his ever-present smirk wider than usual. Black meant screaming matches, generally a very public affair. Blue meant that they had ended with hexes from one or both parties (generally just one, and generally just Lily). Green meant James Potter had asked her out.

Lastly there was grey, grey was used so rarely that the only time in recorded history it had occurred, Emmeline had had to charm her ink from its usual black. Lily was still highly doubtful that said event had ever even taken place because there was no way that Lily Evans and James Potter would have a decent interaction (Supposedly, it had happened 4th year after Lily's Transfiguration midterm. Lily had passed out on the couch in the common room and James had asked her to move her feet so he could sit. In a stupor, Lily had mumbled an unintelligible response and complied.)

Before she could form a proper sentence that consisted of "bugger off, Vance", a petit girl with bouncy blond curls whipped open the door to the compartment "Here you all are! I was hoping to catch you on the platform earlier. How is everythi—" she stopped suddenly as she caught what Lily supposed to be the fuming look on her face and glanced to Marlene and Emmeline with wide eyes. "Oh Merlin, what happened?" She sighed, sitting in the open seat to the left of the door.

Emmeline held up the red quill. "Already?" Alice laughed, shaking her head. The other two soon joined in with barely suppressed giggles.

"This is absolutely not funny! Everyone stop laughing now!" Lily stomped her feet and frowned petulantly. This only made them laugh more. It took them a few more minutes to calm down and keep a straight face.

"Alright, alright, what happened?" Alice asked, her eyes still crinkled with laughter

"Well—" She began.

"JAMES POTTER IS HEAD BOY!" Emmeline screeched, once again dissolving into laughter.

"He is NOT Head Boy! He probably bribed the _real_ one for his badge, or stole it, or had a copy made or…Oh, bloody hell." Lily sank into her seat, covering her face with despair and shaking her head back and forth.

"James Potter is Head Boy." Alice repeated slowly, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Lily groaned miserably.

"He is. Told me over the summer." Marlene confirmed, patting the red head's back comfortingly.

Lily lifted her head and shot a side-long glare at Marlene. "Oh, thanks _so much_ for telling me that now. Not over the summer, when there was time to write Dumbledore and _question his bloody sanity._ No, instead I'm blind-sided by _bloody_ Potter and his bloody _badge_!"

Marlene shrugged helplessly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 ** _Twenty Minutes Previously_**

"Well, here we are once again, Lils. Back on the train. On our way to Hogwarts." Lily said, looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. Sometimes she still had to remind herself that this wasn't a crazy dream, that there was such a thing as witches and wizards and magic that she had been plunged into at the ripe young age of eleven. Not only had she been thrust into it, but she was now a role model for the younger witches and wizards. The entire idea still made her head spin. She looked down at the sink, studying the tiny metal pin that sat on the faucet. The two letters engraved on it, 'HG', seemed to gleam at her disapprovingly. It seemed to know that she felt a fraud.

"Don't look at me like that. Stupid pin." She muttered, grabbing it up quickly and pinning it to the lapel on her robes. She took another look in the mirror. It looked wrong somehow, the pin didn't seem to shine as proudly on her chest as it had when she had been a mere prefect.

Lily took her hair out of it's ponytail and let it fall around her shoulders. She fluffed it out so the red tendrils partially covered the offending piece of metal. It was insane, really, that Dumbledore and the other teachers would pick her for Head Girl. She was a hard-worker, she supposed, studying much more than the average student. But there was a _reason_ she worked so hard, a reason why on any given night she could be found diligently revising in the library. It was because, even after all these years, Lily still felt a bit behind. She had not been raised in the magic world and basic concepts didn't come to her as naturally as others. And, she still felt as if she had to prove something to her peers.

There was a reason why Lily had walked through the entire train to change in this particular bathroom, the quietest bathroom, as she had done every year since her first. She needed to collect herself, give herself a moment of reprieve before diving into the wizarding world after a summer of nothing but motorized vehicles, reality television and everything muggle."I deserve this." She said with as much conviction as she could muster, looking at her bright green eyes in the mirror. With a sigh, she picked up her small bag full of muggle clothes and her Head Girl manual from the floor, opened it to the page where she had left off and walked out of the bathroom.

He had come out of nowhere. Literally. One moment Lily had been walking down the train corridors, reading her Head Girl manual for the umpteenth time when she had just _crashed_ into him. Technically, what with her nose buried in the book and all, it _had_ been her fault but she would be hard-pressed to admit that after the fact ("He could have _said_ something, or walked around for Merlin's sake! The hall is big enough for two!" It wasn't, but her friends knew not to try when Lily got into one of her Potter rants.). However, she hadn't known who it was at first, and began sputtering an apology about not watching where she was going until she looked up. Her apologies had stopped abruptly, replaced by a glare.

"Oh. It's you." she had said flatly, stepping quickly out from under the steadying hands he had put on her shoulders.

"What a lovely and warm welcome, Evans. It's nice to see you too. How were your summer hols?" He said with a smile so bright and friendly Lily almost forgot who she was talking to.

"I really don't have time for this, Potter, so get in your digs or get out of my way."

"No digs, Lily-flower. Just wanted to catch up." Lily saw his friendly smile twitch slightly into a smirk so briefly most people would have missed it. Not Lily Evans though, she missed nothing. She rolled her eyes at the pet name.

It was a name he knew she _despised_. A name he intentionally called her to get a rise. Did Lily mention that she _hated_ James Potter?

"Well, if you would kindly move then…What are you even doing down here anyway? Your compartment's on the other side of the train."

"I should say the same for you. Though, I am terribly flattered that you know my seat preferences. Keeping an eye on me?" He replied with a wink.

He was right. Lily's customary compartment _was_ on the other side of the Hogwarts Express. In fact, she was in the same train car as he was and had been since first year, which was the only reason she knew where his compartment was _._

"Alright, well if that's all…" She said, already pushing past him.

"Wait." He said, reaching for her arm to stop her. As he opened his palm, a small piece of shiny metal clinked to the ground. Lily had been startled by his hand on her arm and had whirled around to tell him off, the words died in her throat. She was just in time to see what the piece of metal was that James scrambled to pick up. A piece of metal that looked almost identical to the ones she had pinned to her robes. James had just dropped a Head badge. Presumably, _his_ Head badge.

 _Was that? It couldn't be. No. No no no._

"Well, erm, better be off then." James said, pulling a hand through his already terribly untidy hair and made to walk past Lily. He had ducked his head but she could see the uncomfortable expression on his face. His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.

"Potter." Lily said, her voice was firm and he stopped his attempted pass. He met her eyes with a guilty, uncomfortable expression. If she hadn't been so stunned by what she had just seen, she would have been doubly stunned at his expression. James Potter was never embarrassed.

In fact, if she had taken the time Lily would have noted a few differences in James's personality throughout their interaction. However, Lily was generally pretty thick-headed when it came to one Mr. Potter. She made a point to not think too hard about James Potter, feeling that even her thoughts would contribute to his pig-headedness in some cosmic sort of way. However, Lily was too busy at this point attempting to find alternative explanations as to why James would have a Head Boy badge.

"W-What is that you're holding in your hand?" she asked, stuttering in disbelief.

"Oh, this? Nothing, just a…headboybadge." He said the last bit quickly and very quietly in hopes that Lily wouldn't hear.

Lily Evans heard.

"A WHAT?" She screeched. Her eyes were blazing and nostrils were flaring as her infamous temper was ignited once again by James Potter. She had wondered who they had chosen, the question had haunted her when she had received a response from Remus that, though he was thrilled that she had gotten Head Girl and thought they could have picked no one more suited he would, unfortunately, not be joing her in Headship. She had dreaded that she would be paired with Severus, had been kept up worrying entire nights by the thought. But this. This was almost worse.

"It's a Head Boy badge, Evans. Nothing to go mad about, Merlin…" James said, recovering a bit and slapping on the customary cleverer-than-thou smirk.

"Yes, but why do _you_ have it?"

"Well, I suppose it's because I was made Head Boy." James smirked widely. "Congrats on the Head Girl position by the way, Marley told me over the summer." He gestured to the shiny silver pin she had agonized over only five minutes before.

 _Marley told him. MARLEY TOLD HIM._ Lily's head was spinning.

James checked his watch, "I really must be going, Head duties and all. You know how it is." His smirk grew into a splitting grin at his little joke. Lily was still stunned in furious silence as he made his way past her.

James was certainly _not_ doing anything related to "Head duties". Very much the contrary, in fact.

"Oh!" He called, turning back to her. Lily turned to look back. "See you at the prefect's meeting later, yeah?" He waved briefly and headed off. She just stood, practically shaking with anger before stomping back towards her car.

She told this story to the three girls sitting in her compartment, adding much of her own commentary and a few choice words here and there.

"And now I have twenty minutes until I have to prepare for the prefect's meeting and I don't know if I can calm down enough to not _rip his bloody head off_!" Lily huffed. "And I'm pretty sure it's seen as bad form to maim the Head Boy on my first day. Though I'd very much like to."

"Give it a week." Emmeline said "Maybe they'll let you brutally murder him then." She flashed a wry smile at her friend.

"Har de har har, Em." Lily replied, rolling her eyes.

"Lily, maybe it won't be as bad as you think." Marlene said carefully. "I mean, Dumbledore made him Head for a reason, maybe a bit of authority will be good for James." She added as Lily stuck her with yet another glare.

"I haven't even begun to tell you how furious I am that you kept this from me." She grumbled. "Yes, yes. He told you to keep it a secret." She continued as Marlene went to open her mouth in response "I mean, honestly, whose side are you on anyway? I've been your best mate for going on 7 years now! Really now, I deserve a _bit_ of forewarning on this. You could've written a letter! Even 'Dear Lils, You will not be happy with your co-Head. Can't say more. Love, Marley P.S. Not Snape.' would have been better than this. Would that have been _so_ hard?"

Marlene stayed quiet, a small frown on her face, as she waited for Lily's tantrum to peter out. "Lil, you would've been angry no matter what I did. You can't tell me that's not true seeing as I've been your best mate going on 7 years now." The doe-eyed girl looked at Lily innocently, trying to hold back a smile.

"Hmph" was all Lily said. She hated when her own words were used against her, but Marlene had a point, she would have been pissed even _with_ a warning. Like that, the anger drained out of her. Lily was the sort of person whose anger blazed hot and quick, her temper came on fast but she found it quite exhausting to hold on to it for more than a few hours. James Potter was what many like to call an oulier when it came to one Miss Evans's temper.

Lily sunk into her seat, suddenly feeling very drained, and stared with an unfocused gaze out the window. The four girls sat in a comfortable silence. The rolling hills of northern England sped past at a blurring rate and created a mottled patchwork of colors. The late summer flowers adding yellows and reds and whites in with the many hues of green. It was a ride that Lily found both familiar and comforting.

And suddenly—perhaps it was the familiarity of the ride or the cozy compartment she had occupied every year since she was eleven, the one with the wooden headboard that they had carved their initials into in third year, or something else entirely—Lily was overcome with a wave of nostalgia. Her heart gave one of those peculiar, aching thumps and she tried desperately to find what it was she suddenly felt so very sad about.

"This is our last train to Hogwarts." She realized out loud.

"What's that?" Emmeline asked, her eerily light blue eyes meeting Lily's green ones.

"This is our last year. Our last train ride." Lily repeated, she didn't feel close to tears, but her throat closed in the same fashion as if she were about to cry.

"I suppose it is, isn't it?" Marley said, the realization dawning on her as well. "It's a bit sad." Alice sighed, looking around at the three other girls. Lily smiled at her and nodded.

The cabin fell silent again. Lily's thoughts were on all the lasts they would have this year, some of them silly and insignificant like experiencing the last of her first snowfalls at the castle or the last time she would be sneaking down to the kitchens at three in the morning with Emmeline because they had a desperate craving for grilled cheese.

"Merlin, classes haven't even started and you lot are already making me miserable." Emmeline broke the silence, rolling her eyes. Lily and the other two laughed, possibly harder than necessary but that's just what one does when faced with an upsetting or uncomfortable realization. Make stupid jokes and laugh unnecessarily.

"Perhaps you wouldn't be so miserable if you actually _read_." Alice teased, the melancholy air dissipating.

"I'm reading, aren't I?" The brunette cried, waving the book in her hands back and forth.

"Right, yes, of course. I'd forgotten that Professor Slughorn had assigned, what was it again? 'The Thorn and The Rose: Their Darkest Hour'." Lily tilted her head to read the title of the latest trashy novel Emmeline had invested in.

"Could you imagine?" Marlene broke in. "Now, if you would turn to page 186, starting with the paragraph 'his throbbing mem—'"

"Professor! Not in front of the children!" Lily cried, slapping her hands over Alice's ears.

"Gosh, who knew how randy Slughorn could be?" Emmeline grumbled, pouting at the three girls who had dissolved into giggles.

"We're only teasing, Em. I, for one, think it's incredible how quickly you came into this literary awakening." Lily beamed innocently as Emmeline shot her a hard glare.

"Well, I'm sure Lily knows how randy he is. The two of them are _very_ close." Alice responded, winking conspiratorily

"Oy! That's uncalled for! Professor Slughorn is like a-an uncle to me!" Lily cried.

"Now, now, Lily we're only teasing. I, for one, think it's incredible how you two can still attempt to hide your feelings." Emmeline said, smiling at the red-head.

They carried on like that for some time, joking at one another's expense. It was how many of their conversations went along. It was one of the reasons why Lily loved her three best mates so dearly. They never had to be careful around each other, they could joke and tease without worrying about hurting another's feelings. Yet, at the end of the day, Lily knew she could trust them with her darkest secrets.

There was a sudden knock on the door, a firm three knocks sounding right in the middle of a story Marley had been recounting.

Emmeline was the one to call out, "Come in!"

James Potter opened the door, a friendly smile on his face. Lily groaned.

"James!" Marlene cried, shooting up to hug her friend and giving him a tight squeeze. "How have you been? How was your summer? And the family? Congrats on becoming Head Boy, by the way!"

 _Traitor._ Lily thought.

"Hey Marley! I'm doing well, summer was fantastic. Sirius and I raised hell all over France." James chuckled and winked conspiratorially at Marlene. Lily rolled her eyes. "The parents are fine, Mum was chuffed to bits about this whole thing." He waved towards the badge, now shining on his chest, and chuckled. "Actually, that's what I was here about. The prefect's meeting is in fifteen minutes…"

 _Oh just wonderful, you couldn't wait any longer to rub this whole Head Boy thing in my face, now could you?_ Lily grumbled to herself.

"…and I was hoping we could go over some of the talking points." James finished.

"You—what?" Lily sputtered. Alice and Emmeline gazed at him in shock, even Marlene looked a bit surprised.

"Well, I've never sat in one of these meetings before. I was hoping we could just go over what we wanted to talk about, anything we wanted to mention specifically, that sort of stuff. You probably have a better grasp of this sort of thing than I do."

Lily was so shocked she didn't think she could form words. He seemed entirely sincere, no hint of smirk in the friendly smile on his face. No spark in his eyes that signaled impending mischief. He looked totally and genuinely serious. And besides, when did James _bleeding_ Potter ask for help?

"You, uh, alright there, Evans?" He asked after a few moments of receiving nothing but stunned silence from his red-headed counterpart.

"Yeah, um, yes. Fine. Let me just…" she trailed off, rising from her seat and beginning to gather the documents that had been prepared for the prefects meeting.

A bundle of papers fell from her hands and before she had time to retrieve them, James had picked them up. "I've got these." He said, flashing a crooked smile. "Can't have you be doing all the work, right?" James then pulled open the door and stepped through, holding it open so Lily could follow. Before joining him in the corridor, Lily sent a part-concerned, part-shocked look back to the three girls.

If she had looked back at them a little longer, she would have seen the smile and small thumbs up Marlene gave to James as he caught her eye. However, Lily didn't see this exchange since she was already walking down the hall towards the conference room.

They made the short walk to the conference room in silence, Lily eyeing the papers in James's hands suspiciously.

James pulled open the door and stepped back to let Lily walk through first, she hesitated before slipping in with a muttered 'thanks'. She set down some of her materials at the large wooden table at the front of the room and heard the loud click as James pushed the door closed.

James placed the parcel of papers in his hand next to the pile Lily was sorting through. He stepped back and sat down on a chair that faced the desk. "Listen, Evans." James began, leaning forward and pulling his ever-present snitch out of his pocket. He began to toss it between his hands nervously.

Lily looked up and stared blankly at the head boy, waiting for him to continue. "I just, well I…" he began uncomfortably. Lily raised her eyebrows in exasperation and James found it hard to continue when she was looking at him with such obvious disapproval. He closed his eyes to block out her face and took a deep breath. "Well, I just wanted to apologize." He looked down at the golden ball passing back and forth between his hands

When he looked back at the tiny red-head he saw an expression of disbelief on her face. "For what, exactly?" Lily asked carefully, her eyes were gaurded as if she was waiting for him to say 'gotcha!'

"For, well, for how I spoke to you earlier. I was impolite and it was cruel of me to spring this whole Head Boy thing on you. I was rude and I'm sorry."

Lily looked at him for another moment before snorting and returning back to sorting the papers in front of her. "Good one, Potter." She muttered.

James felt a flash of annoyance. "I—" he stopped himself. "I'm serious. I know our track record has been less than ideal…" he heard Lily snort again without looking up from her work "but I just wanted to apologize and ask if we could, I dunno, start over." This time Lily did look up, her eyebrows were practically in her hairline and her lips were pulled down at the corners. Her eyes dropped to his hands where the little golden snitch was still being tossed. She looked up and studied his face for another moment. James felt himself do something he rarely ever did, he began to blush. He felt strangely vulnerable at this moment. Sure, she had rejected him countless times (well, he _had_ counted. It was 38.) but he had never taken them to heart. Now, he felt as if he had put himself at her mercy. He had asked for _forgiveness_ , for Merlin's sake! He never asked for forgiveness, especially from Lily Evans.

She opened her mouth to respond, but James cut her off. He wasn't sure he could hear her answer at that moment. "So what is it you're doing there then? Anything I can help with?" He asked, standing up and walking around the table to stand beside her. She looked at him strangely for a moment longer before answering.

"I'm just organizing the hand-outs we were given for this meeting." She gestured to the four neat piles she had begun to make, corresponding to each house.

"We were given hand-outs?" James responded, beginning to sift through and look over the materials.

Lily nodded. "Dumbledore sent them to me over the summer, though they got a bit messed up in my bag." James nodded back and began organizing them himself.

"Probably thought I'd misplace them." James commented with a chuckle after a few moments.

"What?" Lily glanced up in surprise from her review of the papers.

"The papers," James said gesturing to the small stack. "You said Dumbledore sent them to you. He probably thought I'd misplace them."

"Oh. Hmm" Lily murmured in agreement, eyes still scanning the page in front of her. She had no need to look over it, she knew it by heart at this point but she was just so uncomfortable with the idea of carrying on a friendly conversation with James.

"D'you want to walk me through how a meeting like this typically works?" He tried after another few minutes with no response.

Lily looked up and nodded, breathing silently in relief.

As Lily explained the process of the first Prefect's meeting, she marveled how civil the conversation had become. She had never gone more than a sentence or two without wanting to send James away with tentacles sprouting from his every orifice.

Just as she finished explaining, the prefects began to filter into the room, nodding a hello and 'congratulations' to Lily and many giving James looks ranging from astonishment to anger to jealousy to downright amusement (the last one mostly from Remus).

After all of the prefects were accounted for, James closed the door and called for everyone to find a seat and settle so they could begin the meeting.

"Hello, Everyone. I'm James Potter, your new Head Boy for this year. And this ravishing ginger to my right is your Head Girl." Lily felt the familiar peak of annoyance that she was accustomed to when James Potter was in her presence. A peak that had been strangely absent in the past fifteen minutes they had just spent together.

Said ravishing ginger sent James a withering stare before speaking, he accepted it with a slight lift at the corner of his mouth. "Hey guys, many of you may remember me from last year as a prefect, but for those who don't; my name is Lily Evans, and I'll be your Head Girl." Perhaps, she thought, he would only act civil with her in private. Perhaps he still wanted to save face in front of his peers. Lily felt a flash of anger. She would not be someone who let herself get whipped around just because James was insecure with his public image. She hated him and how stupid he thought she was.

"Oy, James! Tell us—who'd you have to shag for your spot?" A Hufflepuff prefect near the back called out. Lily sighed and steeled herself for James' undoubtedly inappropriate response.

James let out a small chuckle, "For those of you interested in asking about my extracurricular activities, I would ask you to wait until after the meeting."

Lily rolled her eyes and her teeth clenched in annoyance. She gave James a sidelong glance and braced herself for the next smarmy comment to come from James.

"Now, I'm sure that you all have _very_ important things to be doing, so we'll try to make this as quick and painless as possible." James continued. Lily's jaw dropped.

Ignoring the astonished looks of the prefects and his fellow Head Girl, James went on as they had planned. "I'm going to pass it over to Lily who will be talking about my least favorite topic. Our humble and just caretaker, Argus Filch." A few scattered laughs sounded. Though, most of the students were still recovering from the utterly underwhelming exchange that had just occurred. Many of the prefects had had to deal with the fallout of a Marauders prank directly over the past few years. They knew how the Marauders could be.

Lily had barely registered that the room was waiting for her to speak. She was partially astonished by James' mostly mature response and also growing deeply suspicious of his intentions.

"Evans?" James said, giving her a meaningful look that she should start talking.

"Huh? Right, yes! Filch has, once again, very kindly provided us with a list," James let out a quiet laugh at Lily's thinly veiled sarcasm. "of all the prohibited items. If you could pass them around and take a glance at them."

"Obviously, we don't need you to memorize it, you will get absolutely nothing out of it except a very large headache," James added as the prefects groaned at the three foot piece of parchment with rows upon rows of banned goods. "And as I'm sure we're all familiar this is only one of many more drafts he will make throughout the semester."

"You more than anyone else, I'm sure. You're the one that gets half the stuff on the bloody thing." Remus muttered just loud enough for everyone to hear. James smirked at his partner in crime but stayed silent.

"Um, sorry," Arden Daley, a 6th year Ravenclaw prefect, piped up from his seat. "Why exactly is flobberworm bowels specified on this list?"

Sure enough, 'flobberworm bowels' was not only on the list, but it was underlined multiple times and written in all capital letters.

Remus let out a loud guffaw and James's smirk only grew, "As I've said, feel free to ask about any of my extra-curriculars after the meeting." With his statement, the room erupted in quiet conversations. Lily called out for quiet, but no one seemed to hear. _Great. Just wonderful._ Lily pursed her lips and waited for the talking to fizzle out.

James caught the look on her face and realized her displeasure. His smile fell immediately, replaced by a very firm gaze. "Oy! Quiet down, we still have plenty of stuff to go over!" And because he was James Potter, everyone immediately quieted down. He caught Lily's eye and mouthed 'sorry'.

That was the second time he apologized to her, and in public no less. With his fellow judging peers all sitting in front of him, facing him directly and yet, he had still apologized. Perhaps, Lily thought again, he wasn't just acting friendly in private. Perhaps he really did…no. This was James Potter. There was definitely something going on, the boy always had an ulterior motive.

Lily sighed in annoyance, still upset with the disturbance he had caused, but also because she couldn't seem to figure James Potter out. The suspicious feeling in the pit of Lily's stomach only seemed to grow with every instance of James's odd behavior. Lily had no doubt that she would find out what it was because there was no way it would bode well for her. It seemed to Lily that there was always fallout to Potter's pranks, and for the past two years since becoming a prefect, Lily had always had to deal with it.

The rest of the meeting continued with very little disturbance by James or any of the other prefects. By the time it concluded Lily was brimming with suspicions. Perhaps he was waiting for the right moment when Lily would least suspect and then he would strike.

As everyone started to leave, Lily gathered up the miscellaneous papers and the newly made rounds schedule. James also hung back to help gather the materials. After a few minutes, Lily went to leave the prefect's compartment and go back to her own. Her hand was on the door knob when James spoke.

"Lily, could you wait a second?" He asked from behind her. _Here it comes. Took him shorter than I thought it would, but he's never been one for patience._

Lily sighed and turns back towards him. He was standing with one hand on the large desk in the front of the room, seemingly very calm. "What is it then?" she replied, her hand was still placed on the door knob, ready for a quick escape. She noticed the same odd expression he had on his face when he had apologized before.

James cleared his throat. He felt the heat rise once again to his face and the vulnerable feeling in his gut began to take hold. _Oh, just get it over with. No more of this pretending rubbish._

"I want to call a truce."

 _He what?_ "You what?" Lily practically fell over in her surprise.

"I want to call a truce." He repeated. "Like I was saying before, we're going to be working pretty closely this year and I know there's some bad blood between us—"

"Some." Lily snorted, rolling her eyes. _Understatement of the century._

"Alright, there's a lot of things we've done to each other these past years, but—"

Before, when he had said this, Lily had only rolled her eyes and made a quiet, indignant noise to herself. Now, with her suspicions putting her on edge she burst. "' _We've done'_? What the bloody hell are you _on_ , Potter? I've done nothing to you that wasn't a result of your _infuriating_ pestering and _personal vendetta_ against me!"

His anger flared, the vulnerability and nervousness disappearing. Sometimes Lily Evans just made him so utterly _mad._ "I don't have a personal—" he started to yell before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and opened his eyes. "You know what, whatever, _yes_ I've done a lot of things to you over the past years." Lily went to speak again but he held up a hand to stop. "No. Hear me out. I know we can't exactly restart and forget the past six years of antagonism but I'm willing to try and be at least _cordial_ to each other over the next year. So we don't have to be entirely miserable at this job."

Lily didn't even know where to begin. James Potter wanted to be _cordial?_ If she was suspicious of him before…

"What's the catch?" she asked, eyeing him warily.

"No catch. Only an offer for a semi-peaceful last year at school. I figured since we're living together this year…"

Oh. My. Merlin. Lily had totally forgotten. How could she have forgotten the head dorms? The private quarters of the head boy and girl that were tucked away in some tower or another of Hogwarts Castle. The ones that she would have to share with _James 'Toe-Rag' Potter_ for an entire year. The ones they said were cursed with some love spell that led to the Head Boy and Girl... Lily shook her head at that last one, this was _James_ she was talking about. There was no love spell strong enough to make that happen. Besides, it probably wasn't even a real spell, the head boy and girl last year hadn't gotten together.

"Hey, Lily? Are you alright?" James asked, he looked a bit concerned. "You had this look on your face, you seemed to have zoned out for a second there."

"I, uh, I had forgotten." She said, still partially caught up in her thoughts. James shot her another very concerned look. "About the Head dorms, I mean. I had forgotten about them."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Lily didn't know what else to say. She didn't know how to talk to a James Potter that she wasn't yelling at. A James Potter that conducted meetings, and looked concerned, and _apologized_ for Merlin's sake!

"So?" He asked again. He began to walk forward and held out a hand for Lily to shake.

Before Lily had a chance to decide whether or not to take his hand, the door behind her bursts open. Lily jumped out of the way just before it had a chance to send her sprawling across the floor.

Sirius Black, hair in complete disarray, stood in the doorway. His face was red and he was breathing heavily, but a massive smile had plastered itself onto his face.

"Oy, Prongs, you gotta come see this. It turned out brill! Better than we could have expected." Sirius exclaimed with wild eyes. "Hullo, Evans. Good holiday?" Lily's gaze whipped fiercely to James's face and then back to Sirius who was practically jumping up and down with excitement. She scoffed and looked back to James, "Right. Who is it you're terrorizing now?" She wasn't even surprised.

James's expression, which was beginning to mirror Sirius's enthusiasm, fell immediately. He suddenly looked very upset, and annoyed and…guilty? His jaw clenched and he shot a look to Sirius.

"It's-it's nothing."

"Snivellus!"

They had said it at the same time, if it had been any other two people, Lily would have laughed. Instead, her expression hardened instantly and she felt her heart stop for a moment at Sirius's mention of the only name he had ever used for her former best friend. Her fury from earlier sparked once again.

"Snape?" Lily seethed, whirling on Sirius now. He stopped his hopping for a moment when he saw the fury in her eyes. He recovered quickly with a smirk and nodded.

Lily took a long breath and let it out loudly. She turned back to James. "Well, then. Hop to it, Potter. You're friends need you to help terrorize another victim." Her voice dripped with sarcasm and her lips had curled into a humorless smile.

"I would hardly call him—"

"Padfoot!" James yelled, sending his friend yet another pointed look. He sighed and began to walk towards his friend.

Lily stayed silent, her eyes following the Head Boy. Once he was in the doorway, James turned back to Lily, looking as if he was going to speak.

"Congrats on Head Boy. We're all so very _proud_ of you." Lily spit before he got the chance to say a word. He closed his mouth and turned back, following Sirius down the hall.

 _Truce my arse._ Lily thought, letting out one humorless laugh before slamming the door behind her and turning down the hall to her cabin.

"You've got to be bloody _kidding_ me." James growled as they walked back to their train car.

"You're the one who thought up the prank in the first place!" Sirius exclaimed in defense. "I thought you should have the pleasure of viewing the results." He smirks at his friend.

"It was pretty brilliant, wasn't it? The way his hair singed up like that. I knew it was oily, but no one could have guessed…" James's eyes glazed over with the dreamy look he always got when talking about a prank well done. "Hey! I was yelling at you!"

"Yes, yes, I know. You've been yelling at me the past ten minutes, Prongs. I get it, won't happen again."

"Good, because there's no way Lily is going to start trusting me if shit like that keeps happening." James ran a hand through his hair in frustration, making it stick up all over the place.

"From now on discretion is my middle name." Padfoot said, stopping to open the door to their compartment. "Unless you reconsider…"

"I'm not going to reconsider the Lily Mission. Now stop asking me that." James replied.

"Just thought I'd give it another go." Sirius shrugged, falling heavily into his seat next to Peter. "Lads." he nodded in greeting to the other two boys already in the compartment.

Remus glanced up from his book as James sat to his left. "Did things go as planned?" He asked, referring to the prank that had just been flawlessly executed against Severus Snape and his band of wannabe Death Eaters.

"No." James said miserably at the same time Sirius exclaimed a "Yes."

"This one," James continued, nodding accusingly at Sirius, "just had to come in right when me and Lily were about to get somewhere." He sighed glumly, if a bit over-dramatic. "We were about to call a truce."

"Hm." Remus grunted. "Do you really think Lily would have gone for that?"

"Yeah?" James asked, hope leaking into his voice.

"James." Remus sighed.

"I was so good today! We were getting along! Why wouldn't she have gone for it?"

"Yeah, _today,_ James. You were good today. What about the past four years where you weren't? Just because you want to forget about them doesn't mean Lily has. One day of good behaviour is not going to change her opinion of four years." Remus explained calmly.

As James was about to open his mouth in response, the door to their compartment burst open.

"You've got to be _bloody_ kidding me." Marlene growled as she stomped into the room.

"Hm. Where have I heard that lately?" Sirius muttered, laughing a bit to himself.

"Shut it, Black. I do not have time for you. The girls think I've gone to the loo and I came here for a reason." Marlene replied.

"Our charming company wasn't enough to entice you for a visit?" Sirius teased, smirking.

Marlene shot him a glare "Shut. It. Black. Or I will rip your bloody tongue out. If Lily knew I was here she would kill me."

James groaned "That bad?" He asked, sinking a bit more into his seat.

" _Yes_ 'that bad'. What in Merlin's name do you think you were doing, pulling that stunt? And on _Snape_ no less! Did I teach you nothing?" Marlene hissed at him. She took a calming breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. "James, darling, that was an idiot move you pulled back there."

"Technically I didn't pull—" James began, looking meaningfully at Sirius.

"Oh, James, Lily doesn't care you weren't the one to tell her. She's furious that it happened in the first place. She's in rare form today, Potter. Besides, do you really think she wouldn't have found out about it later anyway?"

"I didn't really—"

"Think that through? Yes, I'm well aware. You've always been much too impulsive for your own good."

"Alright, fine. Tell me what to do. Tell me what I have to do to make Lily stop _hating_ me so damn much."

"I can't tell you what to do, James! I'm not getting involved with this any more than I already am." Marlene said the last part quietly. Obviously, it pained her to be the middleman between two of her closest friends, especially when one of those friends was entirely unaware of said middleman status. Scheming and sneaking about was just not something Marley McKinnon thrived on. She was good at keeping secrets, sure, but only because she was the type to care very deeply and passionately about people close to her. Marlene was the type who was most comfortable giving advice and providing an ear to listen.

"Yeah, I know." He replied glumly.

"I'll tell you what I told you over the summer—Lily's the type to forgive easily. She doesn't like being angry or disliking others but you've built up a considerable amount of things that you need to be forgiven for. You did not make this easy on yourself, friend."

Remus snorted. "No?" He muttered quietly to himself.

Marley shot him a look, "The biggest issue that Lily has is seeing people hurt and you've caused a fair amount of that." James began to protest but she held out a hand. "May I direct your attention to Snape?"

"I mean, I would _hardly_ call Snivellus a person." Sirius snorted from his seat.

"Regardless of what you would classify Snape as, he was important to Lily and you lot targeted him quite a bit. Actually, if I'm not mistaken, you still do." She smirked slightly, her distaste for Severus Snape could rival the Marauders. "Anyway, James, shape up or move on is what I'm trying to get at." She finished. James nodded.

"Well, I think that was a long enough trip to the loo, yeah?" Marlene went to turn out of the compartment. "Oh, and for the record, I thought the Snivellus prank was brill." She winked and with that, was out the door.

"Well, this is going to be an interesting year." Remus sighed, chuckling to himself a bit. Peter piped up in agreement

James and Sirius exchanged a look, a silent conversation passed between the two that only they could understand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Lily." James whispered from down the table. Her eyes flicked quickly to him and then back to the front of the Great Hall where all the first years were being sorted.

After a few moments, he called out again. And again.

"What?" She hissed, finally turning to look at him. She did not look happy. Not one bit. Probably because she wasn't, but James would fix that. Well, he hoped to.

"I just wanted to apologize for earlier. It won't happen again." He whispered back, hoping the sincerity got through.

Lily looked surprised for a moment, the retort she had already started forming dying on her tongue. After a moment she composed herself once again. "Good one, Potter. Very clever. I'm not falling for it."

Now it was James's turn to be surprised, _falling for what?_ "What is it I'm trying to make you fall for?" He whisper-asked.

"You tell me." James was almost impressed by how much venom she could put into so few words.

There was a time, not too long ago in fact, where James would have done practically anything to make Lily angry. Charm her belongings, tease her until she felt obligated to respond, make a general arse out of himself, etc. He would admit years later that it was partially because he had just wanted to get her to notice him in the only way he knew how. But he said it was mostly because of the way she looked when she was angry.

Her eyes gleamed with a fiery passion, her cheeks pinked, her mouth curled in a particular way and she just had this certain sort of _glow._ If that made any sense. Being angry, James thought, suited Lily. He also found it incredible to watch how her sweet, heart-shaped face with the wide, innocent eyes and youthful features would harden and contort into a fierce mimic of itself. The other reason why James egged Lily on so often was because he found her to be brilliant at insults. The two of them had the same fatal flaw of always needing to have the last word. They were also wickedly clever and quick on their feet when it came to verbal sparring. James often remarked that he had found his match in Lily Evans.

Which is why it took James a moment to respond. Old James Potter would have edged her even further, pushing until she reached her breaking point. New James just wanted Lily to stop hating him, for reasons that he had yet to tell anybody and were much more complex than anyone thought. "No hidden agenda, Evans. I promise." A dark haired boy was sorted into Gryffindor and they paused their conversation momentarily to clap with the rest of their house.

"You promise?" Lily responded after the clapping had died down. "Potter, your promises are worth less to me than flobberworm bowels. Which are strangely prohibited because of you, so if you wouldn't mind…" Lily turned back to the front where a small girl with wavy blonde hair was currently being sorted into Hufflepuff.

"Oh my god would you two _please_ shut up?" Emmeline hissed at the two from across the table, her gaze swivelling first to Lily and then down the table a bit to Potter. "Some of us are trying to pay attention."

James snorted but said nothing. Lily leaned over to send him a glare down the table, annoyed that he had gotten her in trouble with her friend. Though Lily had to agree with his obvious disdain of Emmeline's interest. I mean, they had seen the same thing for the past six years. It wasn't as if this was anything special to them.

A few minutes passed before James leaned over again. "One month."

Lily's eyes slid to his face. "What?" She whispered.

"I won't prank anyone for an entire month. If I do that, you have to give me a chance."

Lily gaped at him for a moment, her mouth opening and closing until she snapped it shut and promptly looked away. Marlene made a tiny noise in the back of her throat and looked at James in complete disbelief. He caught her eye but ignored it, turning back down the table to Lily.

"Lily?" He asked.

"Dear Merlin, would you please _shut it_!" Emmeline scolded in a low voice. As James opened his mouth to reply, Emmeline cut him off. "Shut. It." She snapped.

With that, James turned back to the sorting, watching as the last wide-eyed first year was sorted into Ravenclaw and the Headmaster, Dumbledore, stood up to take his place at the podium. He tried to focus his attention on Dumbledore's opening speech, but Peter, who sat across from James and stared with wide, incredulous eyes at the Head Boy, was making it incredibly difficult.

"What?" James mouthed, looking suspiciously over at Emmeline.

"No pranks?" Peter asked in a barely-there voice. James shrugged and turned away.

What James had failed to tell anyone, save for Sirius who had found out by reading James's mail, was that he was on probation. The prank on the train, which had been his idea and executed entirely without his assistance (he had done some recon, which was why he had run into Lily on the train), had been his last. Of course it wasn't grand or unique, but it was a classic and, more importantly, it was a prank that couldn't be traced to him. With his Hogwarts letter (which had also contained the Head Boy badge, much to James's utter disbelief) had been another, personalized letter from the legend himself, Albus Dumbledore.

 _James,_ it had begun.

 _In this envelope you may find something that will come as a bit of a shock to you. I assure you it did not get there by accident. You were chosen very deliberately by myself and the other Heads of House. As I'm sure you know, you are not the most traditional candidate for the job, though I was never one for tradition anyway. Myself and the others on this committee decided that you were the only suitable candidate for the role._

 _That being said, Mr. Potter, this responsibility comes with strings attached, as many things of this nature do. Though the committee has put complete faith in you, your past indiscretions at this school cannot be forgotten. From this point forth, you're actions not only effect you but all who look to you as an authority figure and role model. It is because of this that any further indiscretion will be treated very seriously. There will be no second chances, no more warnings, and no more detentions. You will, to put it very simply, be stripped of your title and expelled. I know this may seem a harsh punishment, but understand that we would not have chosen you if we didn't have complete faith that you would succeed and excel in this position._

 _If you or anyone else has questions about our selection, feel free to direct them to my office. The password is 'Sugar quill'._

 _Congratulations James, I foresee big things ahead for you._

 _Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

James had read the letter countless times. It had made him all at once angry, proud and downright terrified. How dare they set him up for failure like that? Yet, even as he thought it, he knew that Dumbledore was not malicious. He was not the sort of man to give you more than he knew you could handle, and Albus Dumbledore knew James very well. The two of them had taken to private transfiguration lessons in James's fourth year and had grown very close since then.

James hadn't wanted to tell anyone, especially Peter and Remus. He didn't need them to walk eggshells around him and be excluded from their scheming and planning. Even if he couldn't be an active participant, James Potter would still find a way to cause mischief because that's who he was. He was a troublemaker at heart, a trait he took great pride in and one that he shared with Sirius. Which is why, when James asked him to keep quiet, his friend had understood immediately.

Instead of doing exactly what James did not want, Sirius promptly began to taunt James with grandiose schemes that he planned to pull off himself, sighing all the way ("Oh, if only I had some sort of assistant who could provide some sort of distraction or alibi when I go fill the Slytherin's cauldrons with everlasting bubble bath. Oh, woe is me!" James offered up Peter in his place, noting that the poor lad probably needed a good bath anyway.).

When dinner was served, James had no more opportunities to catch Lily's attention because by the time Peter was done harassing him with questions, and he had finished inhaling his dinner (and his second helping, and his third, and dessert) Lily had disappeared from the Hall, leaving the Gryffindor prefects to direct the first years to the dorms.

Lily had left the dining hall minutes after dinner was served, a choice she was sure she would severely regret later. Her friends had given her odd looks, but said nothing as she got up and left the Great Hall. She had given Remus a tap on the shoulder to signal her going and to remind him of the new Gryffindor password. Thankfully, James had been too distracted by Peter to notice when she rushed by him.

She had felt ill all day, her stomach had been in knots the moment she had woken and they had not eased up since. Her head was pounding with a mixture of stress, anger and exhaustion. Her frustration had only grown as she stood in front of the door to the Head's tower and had tried (and failed) to open it. Again.

It was rare Lily had a good night's sleep the day before she came back to Hogwarts, but the thing that had put her on edge, the thing that she had not told her friends let alone allowed herself to _think_ about was the note she had gotten from Severus the previous day. She hadn't seen the owl fly into her room, if there had even _been_ an owl that had delivered it. It was possible that he had just levitated it up to her windowsill, the thought of which made her uneasy. That he had been outside her window, an event that used to happen almost daily in the summer before fifth year…She almost retched just thinking about it. She just remembered one moment packing up all her belongings in her trunk and the next, hearing a whooshing sound outside her open window and a small piece of folded parchment fluttering onto the small bench she had made of her sill.

There had been no name on the front. It was clever, really, because she would have recognized his script instantly. Regardless, the knot in the pit of her stomach told her something was off. She opened the upper crease carefully and saw the black ink in his messy scrawl. She did not read past 'Lily,' before she dropped it to the ground and backed away until the backs of her knees met her mattress and she fell back.

She had meant to destroy the thing, she honestly had, but something inside just wouldn't let her. It had been the first letter she had received from him since… Instead, she had shoved it into the bottom of her trunk and had been determined to forget about it. It hadn't been easy, but James Potter's tiring antics had definitely helped. Until now, of course. His bizarre new scheme of apologies and maturity had made a mess of Lily's emotions. She was convinced something bigger was behind, some new form of torture that he had planned for her.

She felt the outline of the letter in her skirt pocket and cursed herself once again for not being able to set it afire.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" She cried out. Taking out her day's frustrations, she delivered a swift kick to the damn painting that was supposedly the entrance to her new room. She was sure that she did more damage to her foot than she had to the door. "Ow." She said as she sunk to the floor, determined to pull herself together before trying the door again.

"I hope that wasn't directed at me."

Lily's head lifted sharply from where she had placed it between her bent knees. "Not everything's about you, Potter." She frowned up at his tall form. His face was in shadow due to the dimly lit torches behind him, but she recognized the outline of his unkempt hair and his tall frame.

"And here I was thinking that, what was it again? My head is so large that it has started to develop its own gravitational force." He squinted his eyes and his head tilted slightly as he recalled her insult from last year. He smirked widely. "So much for the world revolving around me." He offered Lily a hand to help her stand up which she ignored as she pushed herself from her seated position.

"That's just preposterous. Hot air has very little density, and it's unfortunately what your head is full of." Lily replied, wiping off the back of her skirt. "It's really no wonder why your head's in the clouds." She finished.

"Ah, how I've missed your wit, Lily Evans." James sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Better missed than to be missing one entirely, James Potter." She replied, mimicking his overly formal tone. She looked at him with an odd expression. Was she seriously having a decent, non-yelling conversation with James Potter? Again? After the day she'd had she thought that maybe she was so emotionally drained that she couldn't muster the proper ire that James Potter called for. But she didn't think that was it. His comments hadn't _merited_ any sort of anger within her, in fact, he was being downright decent to talk to. Again.

And then something happened that convinced Lily she was going mad.

He laughed.

James Potter had laughed. It wasn't a big one, just a small chuckle. But it was not in the customary 'I have bested you, look how humiliated you are' sort of way. It was a 'that was a funny joke, Evans, you're a real riot' sort of way. The second was the sort that Lily was used to because, c'mon, Lily Evans was practically on her way to becoming a professional comedian with an afternoon special and novelty t-shirts with her catchphrase and all. However, this second sort was decidedly not the one she was accustomed to hearing from James.

"You wound me, Evans." He grabbed at his heart as if he had been hit. "What are you doing out here anyway?" He asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

Lily jerked her thumb over her shoulder at the large landscape behind her. It was a beautiful painting that depicted a dark meadow in the foreground, filled with thousands of tulips in rows of reds, pinks, oranges and yellows. In the distance, a tiny picturesque town nestled in a hillside was shadowed by a cloud. The smoke stacks on the houses let out billowing clouds of white smoke and a smattering of birds dotted the sky occasionally calling out and diving towards the ground in search of food. Lily despised it. "I've been out here for the past half hour trying to get this damn painting to swing open." She grumbled.

"We were given instructions on how to get in, weren't we?" James asked in confusion.

"In the form of a bloody riddle. I hate riddles. I'm terrible at them."

James was taken aback by this. It had never really occurred to James that Lily could be particularly _bad_ at anything. He was going to say something about it, but held back. He was already on unsteady ground when it came to Lily, no need to push his luck. Besides, if everything went to plan, he would have plenty of time to joke about it later.

"Well, let's have a look, shall we?" He pulled out the paper he had received with his Head Boy manual from his back pocket.

" _'_ _Welcome, welcome Head Girl and Head Boy_

 _To the last year of school for you to enjoy!_

 _But, before you enter into your tower_

 _You must seek out the one true flower._

 _I won't tell you exactly who, but here's just one clue:_

 _It's the blossom that opens every half hour._ '" He recited.

Lily had already read the poem herself countless times, desperately trying to make sense of it. What she had gathered was that some sort of flower would reveal itself every thirty minutes. The only problem was that Lily had sat and watched not one, but two half hours go by and still, no flower.

"I've been waiting here for forty-five minutes and two half hours already came and went, so I don't know what you expect to do. I think the painting is broken." She sighed.

James chuckled again, shaking his head. His mind was already working, he loved solving problems and he had a special knack for riddles. One of the only decent part of dating his 4th year girlfriend, Shaia Prennick, was sneaking into the Ravenclaw dorms and answering the riddles that their painting asked. "Well, that would be impractical, wouldn't it? I mean, what if we showed up here at 8:31 and had to wait another twenty-nine minute before we could get in. Besides, if any student just happened to walk by at the right time, they could get into our dorms. No, no, it's going to be something a bit cleverer than that. Something a bit more discrete…" James leaned in very close to the painting, pushing up his glasses to his forehead and continued muttering to himself. Lily stayed silent, despite the fact that he had called her idea rubbish and that would have been reason enough to yell at him. His eyes were searching the painting very intently and she very much wanted to get to her bed.

Lily's gaze began to wander after a few moments, looking around the corridor and out of the windows that sat on either side of the painting. _What is this business about giving up pranking, anyhow? Does he really want to start over that badly? He's been uncharacteristically nice tonight…_ Lily stopped her thoughts, reminding herself that one night of good behaviour did not warrant her throwing out her opinion of six years in the making. Though, the first two years weren't all that awful she often reminded herself. Lily hadn't started to truly hate James Potter until third year, a revelation that had surprised her friends when she had told them. Even after the first day on the train, when Potter and Black had made fun of Severus right in front of her she had been upset, sure, but she hadn't hated them.

Lily prided herself on being the type of person who made opinions about someone based on her own experiences with them. Perhaps they had been mean to Sev because they had been scared or perhaps they had been having a bad day. It wasn't until third year, when she had realized they had been practically torturing Sev every year since they started that she began to hate them. The last four years, however, more than made up for the first two years of indifference. She had learned that James and Sirius were arrogant bullies that got enjoyment out of hexing totally innocent people.

"Aha!" James cried, breaking Lily out of her reverie. "I got it!" He exclaimed, turning to Lily with a giddy smile. He looked like a little boy who had just gotten his first broomstick. The smile fell slightly when he saw the frown on Lily's face. "You alright, Evans?" He asked.

"Would you just get on with it?"

"Alright." He nodded, his expression falling only slightly. "So, I figured since the idea you had was impractical. No offence." He winced and gave her an apologetic smile before continuing. "That there had to be something else to do with time. Something that could be more easily controlled and would be quicker than just standing around and waiting for a half hour to come along." Lily frowned again and James stopped his explanation. "Again, no offence." He added quickly. "Then I got to thinking about how someone would know that it's half an hour anyway, and I obviously jumped right to clocks." He smiled widely and looked at Lily as if she should have had some grand epiphany at his explanation.

"Yeah, so?"

"So? So! Clocks, Evans, clocks!" his head bobbed up and down in a manic nodding motion. "Clocks like," he pointed to a building in the painting. "Clock tower?"

Lily squinted and, sure enough, a little clock tower sat in the middle of the shadowy town. It towered above of the rest of the short little buildings. Yet, Lily still didn't entirely understand the importance of the clock tower. There was obviously something she was missing. "Mhm." She said, nodding at James slowly. Her confusion must have been obvious because he sighed.

"Oh, Evans…c'mere." He grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer so she was standing right next to him. She tensed. She couldn't remember ever being this close to James, ever. She could feel the heat and pressure from his hand on her wrist and could feel the warmth from his right side radiating onto her left. "Ready?" He asked, turning to look at her, a crooked smile crept up his face.

He took his hand off her wrist and reached up to the clock tower. He pinched the minute hand of the clock between his thumb and pointer and pulled until it was pointing down, exactly at the 6 on the clock. Suddenly, a flower at the right corner of the painting grew and rotated, the colour distorted to a dull bronze. It pushed out of the canvas until it formed a door knob.

James stepped back and smiled triumphantly, his gaze flicking between the painting and Lily's face.

"Oh. Clock." She said, nodding slowly in understanding. "Now we just have to—" she made to grab for the doorknob to open the door when the smoke in the painting began to move and converge until it spelled in clear, grey letters 'Speak your password.'

Lily turned around to look at James, who now stood arm's length away, much to her relief. "Oh, I guess we have to choose…" she began.

"Truce." James said. "The password will be Truce."

Lily's temper flickered as the door swung open, obviously accepting James's order. Lily turned and stalked into the portrait hole, not waiting to see if James followed before she walked up the stairs.

"Lily, wait! Hold up!" James called, taking the stairs two at a time to catch up to her. "Lily!" He said, almost crashing into her where she had stopped abruptly at the top of the stairs. "Whoa."

The stairs opened up into a common room, smaller than the Gryffindor common room but large enough to accommodate quite a number of people comfortably. It was decorated in Gryffindor colours, the fireplace was huge, though unlit, since it was still summer and the room was cool but not uncomfortable. There was a scarlet couch, a cluster of red and gold chairs and loveseats. A sumptuous rug with the Gryffindor insignia sat in the centre of the room. A large mahogany bookcase was already filled with their school books and other reading materials that they had brought, Lily's record collection sat on the bottom shelf along with her old record player that she had gotten for her twelfth birthday. Two matching mahogany desks sat on opposite sides of the room and, much to Lily's delight, a massive bay window looked out at the grounds and Forbidden Forest beyond had a cushioned bench and sat snugly on the right wall. It was large enough for one person to sit back and stretch out their legs, and wide enough to fit two side by side. Lily knew where she would be spending the majority of her time.

Two doors were located on the opposite wall. One, emblazoned with 'James Potter' sat on the left side, an identical one with Lily's name was located on the right.

Lily stepped into the room carefully. It was so incredible that Lily had forgotten her anger with James almost as soon as she had seen it. After a moment, she turned in a circle, taking in every detail of the room around her. Eventually, she saw James, still standing in the entrance way. They looked at each other with mirrored expressions of astonished delight. At that moment, Lily thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to work with James. Especially if they got to work in this room, their own private common area.

James expression fell, quickly replaced by a frown. "Lily, I—" and with that, Lily remembered her annoyance from before.

"Truce, Potter, really? Truce?" She said, rolling her eyes.

"Are you-are you angry about the password or the stuff from earlier?" He asked, shifting uncomfortably in the doorway.

"Yes! Both! All of it!" Lily cried.

"Well, I can explain…"

"Yes, please. I'd love to see this!" Lily walked over to a high-backed chair in the centre of the room and dropped back into it. Despite her annoyance, she noted how she sunk into the cushions and the chair's back moulded to her own.

"Well," He began and walked to sit in the chair across from her. "Wow these are really soft…" He murmured, running his hands up and down the arms distractedly. Lily cleared her throat pointedly. "Right, yes, sorry. Well, as for the password, I figured that I solved the riddle, so I should get to say what the password was and it just seemed fitting at the moment."

"We are living in this tower together, Potter. We should be choosing things like that together!" Lily exclaimed, interrupting. Lily would have likely done the same thing if it had been she who had solved the riddle. However, she was not about to admit this to James. Her annoyance did deflate a bit though.

"Can you let me finish explaining everything before you begin jumping down my throat?" James asked softly, no fighting tone in his voice. "I was saying on the train earlier, I want to call a truce. I know we got interrupted…" Lily made a sound and James gave her a pointed look, "and I know that probably wasn't the best way to start off the year, but I want you to know that I'm serious about being civil with you. That's why at dinner I said I would give up one month of mischief. So you'd know that I was dead serious. I am also sorry that that stuff with Sniv—Snape happened earlier. I promise it _will not_ happen again."

"The entire semester." Lily said. She was surprised that the words had come out. Before, she had been entirely ready to deny James any and all truces that he offered. He did not deserve a second chance in Lily's good graces, at least that's what she thought she had decided. Apparently, what with her mind hazy from exhaustion, and her thoughts very much focused on her new bed in the other room, her mouth had decided to make decisions for her without consulting her brain.

"What?"

"Go the entire semester without any mischief. No pranking, no hexes, no starting fights or humiliating people who don't deserve it for your own enjoyment. No duelling, even if you're being provoked, no—" She hardly believed she was saying this. If someone had told Lily an hour ago, hell, five _minutes_ ago that she would be making a deal with James Potter she would have laughed in the 'you're an idiot' sort of way.

"Fine." James interrupted. Lily blinked, she was surprised how easily he gave in. She had already been preparing her over-tired mind for another round of yelling. "Yes, fine. I will go the entire term without pranking." Lily looked at him, for what felt like the millionth time that day, in astonishment.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." He agreed. "But I have to be able to use defensive magic if someone attacks me. No starting duels is understandable, but I have to be able to protect myself. And if someone gets hurt, it's not my fault." Dumbledore would have to be okay with that, wouldn't he? _Perhaps I should go hash out some of the rules of my probation with him…_ James thought.

Lily paused for a moment and then nodded. "Fine. Defensive spells are fine. _If_ someone attacks you first. No using _expelliarmus_ when you get upset. You have to start talking out your problems like an adult."

"No promises about that last part." James smirked. He stood and walked to Lily's chair. "Well, civil Lily, I'm civil James. It's nice to meet you." He said with a crooked smile, holding out his hand for Lily to shake.

She took his hand. She had never really thought about what James's hands would feel like. Let alone that she would ever _feel_ his hands. They were warm and rough, probably from all the Quidditch, but they were nice. His handshake was firm and his fingers were long and slim, but not in a knobby, thin sort of way. She gave his hand two pumps before letting go. "Nice to meet you too, civil James." She responded cautiously.

He gave her a friendly smile.

"Don't think this doesn't mean I don't dislike you still." Lily added, giving him a hard look.

He nodded in understanding. "I'm not looking for you to forgive me for everything I've done overnight. I'm not looking to start over, I'm looking to move past. And maybe, over time, when you realize that I'm not a total prat we can take a crack at friendship, yeah?"

Lily snorted. "Unlikely."

"That's the spirit, Evans!" He laughed.

With that, Lily rose from her chair, walked over to the bookcase and crouched down, flipping through the records. After a moment, she selected one from the bottom shelf and grabbed her record player.

"G'night, Potter." She said as she across the common room to her door.

"Sweet dreams, Lily." He called, already in his room, the door only slightly ajar.


	4. Chapter 4

**Dislaimer:** I truly wish I owned everything, but I don't :(

 **A/N** Hello again! Didn't think I'd be posting so quickly! Likely it won't keep up when school starts back. Anyway, I just wanted to say a quick thank you to all those who've read this so far (and all those reading in the future). Hopefully it stays interesting enough for you to stick around ;).

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

One bathroom. That was the first realization she had when she woke up the next morning. This realization didn't hit her immediately, but when she woke up with sunlight streaking across her bedroom and making it too bright for her to stay asleep, she rolled out of bed only half conscious. She had stumbled into the bathroom; her bladder ready to burst, mouth tasting like death, her hair oily and unkempt, and a stomach that was about ready to cave in from hunger. The night before she had been too exhausted to do anything but change into her pyjamas, put on one of her records and pass out. She hadn't even tucked herself under the covers, let alone looked around her room.

She was brushing her teeth when she heard a door open. Her gaze whipped to her right, where her door was firmly closed, and panicked. She turned to the left, seeing James walk in from a door there. His eyes were closed as he let out a yawn and padded onto the tiled floor.

"Get out!" She cried, her toothbrush still half in her mouth.

"Lily? Why are you in my bathroom?" James slurred wearily, his eyes opening only to half-mast. He squinted in confusion, only able to see a hazy blob of colours without his glasses in their proper place.

"You're in my bathroom, you dolt! Now get out!" She spit out the toothpaste and hurriedly rinsed out her mouth before turning to look at him completely. James stood in the middle of the bathroom, his face still had pillow creases in it, his dark hair stuck up even more than usual and his glasses were on the bathroom counter as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Oh, and he wasn't wearing a shirt. Or trousers. Just boxers and socks. Which would have actually looked quite silly if Lily had paid much attention to them.

And despite the fact that Lily truly disliked James Potter with a passion so intense that it had literally started fires in the past…she still stared.

He was tan from his summer in the south of France. He didn't have the type of skin that became toasted brown after a summer's worth of tanning, James Potter was just naturally too pale for that. What he did have was a nice golden blush about him that made it seem as if his body had retained the sunlight and was slowly in the process of radiating it back out. His torso was lean and muscled and the way he held himself gave him the air of someone who was both self-possessed and completely at ease no matter where he was. It came, Lily supposed, with growing up in a wealthy family and his naturally occurring self-confidence, though Lily would more likely say, arrogance.

"See something you like?" James asked, having put on his glasses and seeing where Lily had been looking.

"No, but once you turn around and walk out I will." She snapped, still startled from his sudden appearance.

"Ah, so you're an arse girl, are you?" He smirked, winking at her.

"Goodbye civil James. Hello Potter the Prat. Nice to see you again, I didn't think you'd be coming back so soon." Lily muttered and pursed her lips.

"No! I'm sorry." James's expression changed quite suddenly at her words. His eyes widened, and his smirk had promptly curved downwards. "I'm sorry." He repeated. "I was just teasing. I figured we could do that now. No harm done?" He explained, his eyes were pleading.

"We are _not_ there yet, Potter. I agreed to your stupid truce last night. We're not even friends. We're co-workers…and roommates." Lily replied tersely.

"Yet?" James smiled. _Was that seriously all he got out of that?_

"Dear Merlin, yes 'yet'. Though if you keep up your idiotic 'teasing'" she air-quoted, "then most likely never. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am." James replied, nodding his head once.

"Now," Lily smiled sweetly, "Get out!" Without another word, James promptly turned and left, closing his door behind him.

"Morning, Evans!" James called brightly as Lily walked out of her room, fluffing her hair a bit.

"Potter." She acknowledged with a confused look on her face.

"I figured we could walk down to breakfast." He explained, now uncertain. James was beginning to worry that he was, perhaps, acting a bit too friendly with Lily. She had told him that they weren't friends. That they likely never would be. Yet, he didn't know where to draw the boundaries with her. They were living together, for Merlin's sake! It's not like they could ignore each other all the time. In fact, he would probably burn himself out if he had to watch what he said and did every time they were in the same room together.

"Um…why?" She asked.

"Because, y'know, I figured we could…uh…well, I used to eat breakfast with the blokes, right?" James began weakly. _Off to a rough start there, mate._

"Sure." Lily said, still confused what that would have to do with them walking down to the Great Hall together. She had told him they weren't friends, hadn't she?

"Right. Well, we used to go down as a group, so we didn't really have to worry about coordinating and meeting down in the Hall at a specific time. You did the same with Marley and Emmeline and Alice, yeah?" Lily nodded. "Well, we can't exactly do that anymore since none of us are living in the same place. So I figured that I'd rather eat breakfast in silence with you, than eat breakfast in silence with, well, nobody." The words tumbled out of James, he hadn't had any idea of where he was going when he started, but he was quick and trusted his mouth to not do anything especially stupid. He finished with a shrug.

"Why would we eat in silence?" Lily asked. She was slightly offended. Just because they weren't friends, didn't mean they couldn't make polite conversation. Wasn't that the point of the truce? Civil interactions?

James paused for a moment, thrown off by her question. "I suppose because you don't particularly like me."

"You don't particularly like me, either, so I suppose we're even aren't we?" Lily walked towards the stairs, "Shall we?" She asked, turning back to James before heading down.

James followed, though he was a bit distracted. He didn't dislike Lily. He thought she was a bit too set on her morals. A bit too on the straight and narrow for his liking, sure, but he had never disliked her. In fact, he thought she was wicked clever, and smart, and could be quite funny too. And there was no denying that Lily Evans was one of the nicest girls in their year. If you were on her good side. Besides, she had good taste in friends, for the most part, and she couldn't be faulted for her friendship with Snivellus. She had known him before school, before he had become a psychotic Death Eater wannabe with a death wish (according to James, anyway) and old loyalties die hard.

In fact, it had been in fifth year that James had taken a _liking_ to Lily Evans, of course it was more because of her quick wit and what he had seen of her interactions with others. He had not really taken into account if they would have been a compatible match (at the end of sixth year, he decided that that would have been a resounding no) or if they would have worked out at all as a couple (again, a very emphatic no). So, no, James Potter had never disliked Lily Evans. He had never disliked her one bit.

"I don't dislike you." He said, unaware that there had been a few minutes since she last spoke. They exited their portrait hole and walked down the bright corridor.

"Oh?" Lily said. "Could've fooled me."

"No. Evans, wait." He took a few long strides so he was standing next to her. He grabbed her wrist to stop her and get her to look him in the eye. "I've never disliked you." He repeated, looking her dead on.

She jerked her wrist from his grasp automatically. "You really ought to stop doing that." She grumbled, rubbing the place he had touched, though he hadn't hurt her.

"Sorry." He replied immediately.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to you saying that either."

"Saying what? 'Sorry'?" Lily nodded. "Do you really think that poorly of me?" He asked. Lily looked incredulous.

"You were nothing but terrible to me and my friends for the past six years! You did nothing but bully us and hex others for the sole purpose of your personal entertainment! And not once did I hear you say you were sorry. Not when Winona Teasely began to cry in second year or Brixton McCurdy was sent to the infirmary for _five days_ in fifth year because of you. Not even when Severus—" Lily stopped, the memory was still too painful for her to talk about. Especially in light of the unopened letter, Lily was trying very hard to not think about her former best friend. Her hand reached discretely to her skirt pocket to feel the letter that was still inside and her heart gave a painful thud when her fingers brushed it. "It's a wonder I'm even speaking to you right now." She finished quietly.

James's face, which had been morphed with discomfort at her list of his past cruelties, went blank at the mention of Snape. Lily saw his eyes glaze over and the muscle in his jaw twitched. Her face reddened, she hadn't meant to mention Snape. She didn't want to talk about it, especially not with James. She saw him open his mouth to respond, but spoke up before he could get a sound out.

"No, I don't want to hear any excuses. We've already called a truce and the more I think about what you've done, the more I really don't want to be near you." She said, turning and continuing their walk down the hall at a clipped pace, she was angry at herself for mentioning _it_. James followed a step behind her.

He was surprised that the topic of Snape had come up so soon. He knew that Lily didn't want to talk about it, had told him as much when he tried to approach her on the train when they were returning home last year. As much as he wanted to say something, he didn't want to push. If Lily wanted to talk about it, she would bring it up herself.

"How was your summer, Evans?" He asked finally, figuring it was the safest subject.

She had winced internally when she heard him begin, but was stunned into momentary silence as her brain caught up. "My summer?" She asked carefully.

"Yeah, y'know, fun in the sun and all that." A crooked grin had appeared on his face.

She blinked twice. "Um…my summer was fine. A bit boring, honestly. My mum works a lot and my sister, well…" She drifted off, not wanting to share so much with James Potter but still reeling. "How 'bout you? How was your summer?" She covered quickly.

"Oh, well…" They continued on like that all the way down to the Great Hall. He even managed to get a laugh or two out of Lily when he recounted a few of the shenanigans he and Sirius had gotten themselves into. Though they had generally been following a snarky comment on his idiocy. He even learned about her, her sister Petunia and her dreadful boyfriend Vernon, and her mother.

When they reached the open doors of the dining hall, Lily spotted her friends and James spotted his. The two groups were sitting a little ways down from one another.

"Well, it's been lovely talking to you civil James." She smiled, and he thought it looked almost entirely genuine.

"And you, civil Lily. Have a good day." He said as they parted ways.

"So?" Marlene demanded as Lily sat down.

"'So' what?" Lily asked, loading her plate with fruits and toast.

"She wants to know if you and James called a ceasefire." Alice answered, rolling her eyes. "She's been pestering us about it all morning." Emmeline gave an exasperated nod.

"I was not _pestering._ You were both active participants in the discussion!"

"There's a difference between active participation and humouring, Marls." Emmeline said between bites of her eggs.

"Whatever." Marlene waved a dismissive hand. "The question still stands." Her eyes flicked back to Lily.

"Now, now. What would you all talk about now that I'm not there? I think you need me to keep this secret for the well-being of the group." Lily teased.

"Probably our shared hatred of friends who keep secrets." Alice nodded sagely.

"I knew you cared!" Marlene cried.

"I possibly find the antics of the youth to be mildly interesting." Alice evaded.

Emmeline snorted. "You're a year older than me, you idiot." Alice shrugged.

"Besides, I'm only two and a half months younger than you." Lily added.

"That means I have an entire two and a half months of wisdom on you! Do you know what I experienced in those two months? New Year's, Christmas…my Merlin, I experienced one more Christmas than you. How very sad…" Alice drifted off, shaking her head in false pity. "You poor dear." She said, patting Lily comfortingly on the head. Lily swatted at her.

"Hey! No getting side-tracked! I'm not going to forget about this." Marlene broke in.

"Well, if you must know—" Lily broke off, a round of hoots and cheers came from down the table. James and the other Marauders seemed to be celebrating something. Lily wondered what it was.

"I suppose that answers your question, Marley?" Emmeline asked. _What is that supposed to mean?_ Lily thought. Did they think that the boys would get so riled up over her acceptance of James's proposal. That's would be absolutely rid—

"Well done, Evans! Didn't know you had it in you!" Sirius called, standing up and giving the Head Girl a thumbs up. James laughed and smacked the back of Sirius's head as he sat back down.

"Yes, I suppose it does." Marlene replied quietly, her eyebrows were raised in surprise but she had a small smile on her lips.

After breakfast, Lily had decided to go for a walk on the grounds, her silly sentimentality striking up once again as Alice mentioned this was their last weekend before classes. She had sat out by the lake and watched the giant squid sun itself in the powerful summer rays. After a few hours, she became impatient with her stillness and was heading back toward the castle when she heard someone call after her.

"Lily!" She heard from behind her.

"Mason!" She called back in surprise when she turned to see the tall Hufflepuff running up the hill to catch up with her. She suppressed the grimace when he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Mason had been her boyfriend for the better part of her sixth year. They had been good friends before they had started dating and despite having broken up at the end of sixth year, the true reason for which Lily hadn't told anyone, it had been on good terms and they had decided to remain friends. Despite the fact that she had _tried_ to be as clear and firm as to her intentions, Lily suspected that he viewed their 'break up' as more of a 'break'. Lily, contrary to Marauder belief, intensely disliked confrontation and hurting other's feelings.

"Hello, Lily-pad." She winced internally at the pet name. It was all too often that she was given an awful, flower-themed nickname and Lily hated them all. She barely liked her _real_ name, didn't find it suitable enough for her character. When she thought of a Lily, she thought of a delicate, plain blossom that couldn't hold its own against much of anything. It was the type of flower she imagined a strapping, young knight would deliver to a maiden, who would blush and faint because she was just _too_ overcome with the absolute _loveliness_ of it all. And also because her corset was just much too restricting.

He had first used the horrendous nickname when they had started going out and it had been too early in the relationship for her to correct him. At first, she thought it was a one-off, and then he'd used it again. And again. Then it had stuck, much to her dismay and to her friend's utter delight.

"I hardly saw you at all yesterday." He said, threading his fingers into hers and continued walking with her. Lily looked down in dismay at their intertwined hands, thinking that she probably _definitely_ should have let him down a bit harder. At the same time, Lily felt a pang of guilt at his words, she had barely even given a thought to Mason yesterday, what with the whole James drama and her own internal anxiety about Severus and Head Girl-dom.

"I wasn't feeling terribly well. I meant to come find you." Lily blushed and but her lip, averting her gaze. She had never been particularly good at lying. In any case, she much preferred to tell the truth since she found she was much more adept at doing that.

He smiled widely. "No harm done." He said, brushing off her weak excuse. "Better today?"

"It seems so." She replied. She turned and looked at Mason full-on. She had seen him only once over the summer after their break up since he had been traveling with the family and she had been working full time.

Mason was a nice-looking boy. He had dirty blond hair that he kept short and neat, unassuming brown eyes and a lovely smile with straight, white teeth. He was actually quite a catch for Hogwarts standards, he was smart and kind and played as a keeper on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. Lily had actually been quite shocked when he'd asked her to go to Hogsmeade with him. She and Mason had gotten on well enough when they worked together in class (they had been paired as Herbology partners in sixth year) but Lily had always thought of herself as a bit plain, above-average looks and smarts, but nothing entirely special. There were plenty of girls at the school who were prettier and smarter and funnier than she was.

In any case, Lily had liked Mason. She had liked his unassuming brown eyes and bright, friendly smile. She had liked that he was nice and treated her well and had never made her angry or upset. He had never been malicious or condescending and was rarely upset by things. She had especially liked that she never felt awkward or uneasy when they were together. She had never experienced an uncomfortable silence in his presence. He was just very easy to be around. He was, Lily thought, simple. Though, as she had told her friends after she had ended things, there was just something a little off about him. Not with his personality, or anything, but more, she supposed, with how she felt about him. Sometimes, she thought, his teeth were a bit too straight, and perhaps that he smiled a little too much and that, as much as she enjoyed spending time with him, she didn't like him all that much.

That was the reasoning she gave to her friends as to her break up, and it _was_ true. Again, Lily had never been good at lying, which only meant she had perfected the art of omitting. There were certain events that occurred at the end of last year that no one knew about, that had damaged Lily more than anyone knew and she had thought it unfair to Mason to continue when she felt so broken.

"Well, in that case…" Mason said, breaking her out of her thoughts. He swept her into a hug, pulling her into his arms and lifting her off her feet so that only the tips of her shoes brushed the ground. After a moment he put her down and smiled again. He really did have a lovely smile and Lily really wished she could like it.

She felt another twinge of guilt, she _really_ should have let him down harder. But rather than saying anything along those lines, she instead said "What was that for?" and laughed nervously.

"That was a hello. And a congratulations on becoming Head Girl. I knew you'd get it." Lily swallowed, still not entirely certain she was as suited for the job as he seemed to think she was.

"Oh." She replied awkwardly and continued walking. She had been walking out along the perimeter of the castle so that she could stretch her legs and take the scenic route to her actual destination, and she still intended to with or without Mason.

"There's a rumour going around…" Mason began after a few moments of walking in silence.

"What kind of rumour?" She said, smiling teasingly at him.

"That Potter is Head Boy." He finished. "Is that true?" He looked concerned.

"Yeah, it is. Merlin knows how that happened." Lily rolled her eyes. Mason made a small 'hmph'. Lily smiled to herself, she had forgotten the other reason why she and Mason had gotten on so well. He disliked James Potter nearly as much as she did.

Mason had been the target of one of the Marauder's earlier antics. In second year, Mason had fallen victim to one of James and Sirius's crueler pranks. They had charmed his books to repeatedly swat him upside the head, a painful but not entirely unforgivable cruelty. But Mason, in his desperate attempt to rid himself of the books, ran down the staircase leading from the third to second floor and had gotten his foot caught in the trick step. He had fallen forward and hit his head on one of the steps below. He was unconscious for almost two days, and there was a large gash right on his hairline from where he'd hit it. He still had a scar that could be seen when he pushed his hair from his forehead.

He reached up a hand to squeeze her shoulder. "I'm sorry." He supplied, smiling lightly.

"It's not as if it's your fault, besides it's not as bad as I'd thought. Potter offered a truce, said he'd stop pranking." They stepped out of the courtyard and into the cool halls of the castle. Lily paused her steps for a moment to let her eyes adjust to the brightness.

"You didn't actually believe him." Mason looked astonished.

"No, of course not." Lily waved dismissively. "It's not as if I've forgotten the past six years of Potter's reign of terror." She paused as Mason chuckled. "But what's the worst that could happen? He breaks his promise and only proves what I thought of him anyway, and if he doesn't well…then we've gotten an entire semester of Potter-free mayhem."

"I suppose that's not too bad." He nodded slowly, mulling over the information.

"Yes, well the only downside of the thing is that I have to keep up my end of the deal as well." Mason quirked his brow. "I'm not allowed to treat Potter as the complete and utter toe-rag he is. We're meant to be 'civil'." Lily said, air-quoting the last part. After a moment, she smiled up at the Hufflepuff. "Now, let's talk about something that is not the abomination of James Potter."

"Good idea." They began to walk in the direction she had been heading before. "Where were you off to?"

Lily's lips curved up with humour. "Where do you think?" She peered up at him meekly.

"Oh Merlin, Lily. Really? The library? Classes don't even start for another two days." Mason chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"I was going to check out some books for light reading." She protested, laughing lightly.

"Like what? Hogwarts: A History, volumes four through nine?" He teased back.

"Yeah, right." Lily said, pushing the doors of the library open. She turned to the boy and mouthed that she would be right back. He motioned towards a chair and headed to take a seat, smiling once more. She watched as he picked up a random book from a table and settled in.

When she reached her section she found the books she was looking for quickly but she took a moment to wander the stacks alone before heading back over to her ex-boyfriend. She let her fingers run along the spines of the books. She took in the unique quietness that it seemed only libraries could possess before exiting the rows of shelves.

He was sitting in the same place and she gave him a light tap on his head and motioned that they should leave. The door to the library opened and Lily glanced up. Her stomach lurched and she could feel the blood rush from her face, and her eyes seemed locked on the pale face of the Slytherin.

Severus caught her eye moments later and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. He froze for a moment before making his way towards her. Lily felt the bile rise and her sight began to go fuzzy around the edges. _Oh no, please not here._

She whirled around to Mason "I just remembered, I-I have to-to go." Without waiting for his response, Lily nearly ran to the doors, giving a wide berth to the now immobile Snape and slipped out into the hallway. She didn't slow until she turned the corner and slipped into a hidden passage behind a tapestry. Her breathing was much more laboured than it should have been, her inhales sounding choked. Her vision was still darkening and blurring at the periphery, rapidly narrowing into only spots of sight. She fell to the ground, and put her head between her knees.

She could feel her heart beat and hear the blood rushing in her ears. Small sobs began to escape her and her eyes flooded with tears. She felt like she was going to die. She stayed this way for a time, though Lily wasn't sure if it had only been a few seconds or half an hour, wishing that it would stop. That she would either come down or lose consciousness. Anything other than this, _please anything._ The thought that her own body wouldn't listen to her made the panic mount further. What if it gave up on her? What if her body decided to rebel and leave her mind helpless to the results? What if she was like this forever or just died there, in that tunnel, no one finding her for day _or weeks_. She wasn't even sure what would be worse—dying or feeling like this.

She heard footsteps approaching from somewhere down the tunnel. _Oh Merlin. Please not now._ Her heart beat, impossibly, faster. Her breath-which she begged silently to herself to quiet-came out in faster, shorter spurts.

"Lily?" An alarmed voice sounded only a few feet away. She lifted her head from her knees slightly and saw the shoes and bottoms of torn jeans. She looked up further and saw the dark hair and sharp features she knew well. Her heart fell. _Of all the people._ She thought to herself. She would have laughed if she wasn't so busy trying not to pass out.

"Oh shit. Oh fuck." He said, awkwardly shuffling forward and crouching next to her. "Are you-are you ok?" Sirius asked, hesitantly placing a light hand on her curved back.

Lily looked up and opened her mouth to reply, but instead he was answered with an involuntary gulp of air and more choking breaths. She could see, despite her hazy vision, his eyes wide in panic.

He took in a deep, calming breath and settled down next to her, his hand beginning to rub soothing circles into her back while he kept up a constant stream of words.

"Lily, look, I think you're having a panic attack. Take deep breaths. I know it feels like you're dying right now but you need to focus on your breathing. Just listen and count the air going in and out. You're going to be fine. I know it's scary, but it won't kill you. That's it, deep breaths. There's a good girl."

Lily's breathing began to normalize after a few minutes, her vision was still fuzzy but the darkness began to recede, and her heart was still beating wildly. But at least she was getting air into her lungs.

"Has this happened before?" He asked in an uncharacteristically soft manner.

Lily returned his gaze and nodded, still not yet trusting herself to speak. They had started happening at the beginning of the summer, along with nightmares. The latter of which had, thankfully, grown more sporadic after a month or so. Though, Lily worried that they might start up again what with being at Hogwarts.

"Do you know what triggers them?" Sirius probed further, searching her face. She nodded again but said nothing, trying her hardest not to let her mind go back to that day. She couldn't, _wouldn't_ think about it.

Sirius searched her face, and seemed to find something there that said he shouldn't ask what it was that caused her anxiety. "Can you walk?" He asked instead, standing up and holding down his hands for her to take.

She placed hers in his and let out an involuntary squeak as she was tugged up rather hard by the dark haired marauder. Her legs were shaky and she used his shoulders to steady herself.

"If I had known it would be this easy to get Lily Evans alone in a dark, secluded place…" He trailed off, his mouth slanting into a wicked smile and gave her a salacious wink.

She let out an honest-to-Merlin laugh. In any other instance, she would have shot him a dark look, and if she felt it warranted it, a very healthy snort. But at this moment, after he had patiently sat with her and talked her through her attack, she was just grateful that she was doing much more than gasping.

"Thank you." She croaked out after her laughter subsided. She took a step back, letting her arms fall to her sides.

"Come with me. I'll take you back to the Gryffindor dorms. I think I saw Emmeline in there before I left." He grabbed her hand and began to pull her down further into the dark tunnel. The corridor split then, veering off in two directions. Sirius made a move towards the left passage, but he stopped when he began to feel her pull back on his hand insistently.

"What?" He asked, confused as to why she had stopped walking.

"I don't want to go to the dorms." Lily said, shaking her head insistently. "They don't know about…" She trailed off, waving her hand vaguely and biting her lip.

Sirius looked at her with a critical, concerned gaze before, to Lily's relief, he nodded and changed course. A few more twists and turns that they took in silence and then Sirius was pulling her out through a tapestry. Lily was, ungracefully, smacked in the face with a cloth full of dirt and cobwebs.

She spluttered as she stumbled out. Nearly falling down as she missed the step, but catching herself just in time to save herself from a very unbecoming face plant. Sirius, as was his nature, was seemingly oblivious. When he turned around to see Lily batting cobwebs from her forehead and glaring at him, he only gave her a raised eyebrow in response.

"C'mon. Your rooms are that way." He said, gesturing down the hall.

Suddenly, Lily became very nervous and focused her attentions at wiping off her clothes rather than look the boy in the eye. "I know." Lily replied.

"So…?" Sirius gestured again, confused as to why Lily had suddenly begun to bounce from foot to foot instead of walking.

"So, I can do the rest on my own." She muttered, looking down at her fingers which she had begun twisting.

"I've taken you this far, so we might as well." Sirius responded, a little exasperated. _Silly bird._

"It's just that…well, James will likely be in the rooms…" She began, unsure how to proceed.

"Well, they are his." Sirius said, nodding speaking slowly, as if he were talking to a child.

Lily rolled her eyes. "It's just that…He'll want to know what we're doing together." Sirius grinned lecherously, raising his eyebrows suggestively. "Not like _that,_ you prat. I just mean…look, please don't tell him." She finally got out.

Sirius didn't answer immediately. His mouth opened and closed a few times as if he was about to say something and then thought better of it. Finally he said, "Why would me not walking you to your dorms prevent me from telling Prongs?"

Lily frowned, "So you are going to tell him?" She bit her lip anxiously and her brow furrowed.

"I mean…I suppose it will likely come up at some point." Sirius replied, still terribly confused at why Lily seemed so nervous. "'Sides, he could probably be pretty helpful with it." He added quickly.

"What are you talking about?" A look of stunned incredulity falling over her features.

"James, y'know…he could, I dunno, help? If it happens again." Sirius grasped, unsure of how much detail he should divulge to Lily.

"The only things James Potter would do with this information would be to torment me." Lily spat in disgust. Despite the truce, and the relatively cordial interactions she had shared with the boy over the past few days, her mistrust of Potter was deeply rooted and would not be alleviated that easily.

"No he wouldn't!" Sirius exclaimed. Lily gave him a critical stare but said nothing more. "Fine, fine." Sirius surrendered, raising his arms. Lily gave a satisfied smirk

"This doesn't mean I agree with you, because I don't and James wouldn't. But I won't tell him." He finished, rolling his eyes. "Crazy bird…" He muttered lowly.

Lily smiled in relief, ignoring his last comment. "Thank you." She started in the direction that Sirius had been gesturing to before, feeling him follow her after a moment.

When they reached the dorms, Lily muttered the password grumpily and the door swung open, allowing both her and Sirius inside. Lily walked in, hoping to get to her room without seeing James and without another word to Sirius. Her eyes, however, did scan the room, still in awe of her incredibly lush dorming arrangements.

She stopped when she saw James crouched at the book shelf, flipping through her lovingly curated record collection.

"What are you doing?" She snapped in irritation, forgetting the plan of locking herself in her room. James looked up guiltily. He hadn't thought he was doing anything wrong (it was their _common_ room, after all) but her tone seemed to suggest otherwise.

"I was..." He gestured lamely to the shelf of vinyl. When he saw her, covered in dirt and grime from her time in the tunnel and eyes red-rimmed from tears, he cocked his head. "What happened to you?" He looked alarmed at Lily's appearance, some would go so far to say worried, even. Lily would not. James Potter, according to her, had no regard for anyone's health and well-being except perhaps his friends. Though definitely not his own if he's willing to provoke Lily Evans. _Was._ She corrected mentally. _He_ was _willing to provoke me, allegedly not any more._

"Lily's had a bit of an unfortunate run in with a tapestry" Sirius supplied when Lily didn't respond right away, breaking out of his awed examination from the doorway. _So he had seen, the prat._ Lily thought, shooting Sirius a dark look.

James' eyes whirled to Sirius. "Pads—what…what are you doing here?"

"I happened to be the unfortunate bloke to witness it." Padfoot waved off mildly. "With her as damsel in distress, I figured I had to step up and fulfill my role as knight in shining armour." He turned to Lily and winked.

James shot him a look that said he didn't entirely believe him but, glancing back to Lily, decided it was best left alone for now.

"Prongs, man, this is wicked! I know you said it was nice, but this…" Sirius gestured wildly around the room and successfully drawing the other boy's attention away. James and Sirius started talking animatedly. James began to give Sirius a tour of the place, despite it only being one room.

"And _here_ ," James exclaimed, gesturing emphatically towards a corner of the room "is where we entertain guests. Nice and cozy patch of rug there. Notice the subtle stain around the edges. Likely some sort of present left by the previous owners. Really a phenomenal talking piece, if you ask me." He whispered the last bit conspiratorially, giving Sirius an ostentatious wink.

Lily rolled her eyes, deciding to pick up the issue of vinyl invasion at a later time. There was no reasoning with the two of them when they got like this.

"Thank you for your help, Sirius!" She called out as casually as possible, figuring it was the least she could do after everything.

"I'm glad you're ok!" A voice called back, though not the one she had expected.

She huffed, but decided to stay silent instead of forming a witty retort.

As she pulled the door to her bedroom closed, she suddenly felt bone tired and passed out on her bed in seconds.

* * *

 **A/N:** So? Let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Dislaimer:** If you recognize it, I don't own it.

 **A/N** Hello to all who are reading this! Sorry it took me so long to update, like I said school is killing me. I would love to know what you all think of this chapter, so please R&R (it feeds my soul)

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

James and Sirius spent the next few hours in the Head dorms before, unable to deny the persistent calls of their stomachs, they headed out of the tower to dinner.

As they walked through the common area, James didn't miss the concerned glance Sirius shot at Lily's door. When Sirius realized James' close observation of him, he hurriedly walked out of the entranceway and into the halls. If James had not been there, Sirius likely would have gone over and knocked lightly, calling out Lily's name softly, and asked if she was well. Perhaps he would have even gone so far as to invite her to dinner.

Despite what everyone thought, Sirius was not as much of a conceited arse as he played, especially when it came to people he respected. Lily was certainly one of the lucky individuals who had gained the young Black's respect. (Though, as evidenced by the way the dark haired Black caught a reflection of himself in a window and preened slightly, he was still very much a conceited arse. Just not as much as believed.)

Sirius's respect for the red head had crept up on him slowly and mysteriously. Perhaps it was the way she stood up against James over the years, or the way she had pieced together Remus' secret but didn't judge him for it, or perhaps it was how she treated Sirius himself. It seemed silly, but he admired the way Lily Evans disliked him for _him_. Most disliked him for his last name whether it be because he was a part of the Blacks, or (as was the case of the Black family themselves) he _wasn't_. Lily, however, couldn't be bothered either way about it and only cared about how much of an arse he acted on a given day.

"What was that stuff with Evans all about?" James questioned suddenly. The boy was lazily tossing a snitch up into the air and barely took his eyes off the golden ball to see if Sirius had heard him.

"What stuff?" Sirius replied, making a weak attempt at playing dumb.

James took a moment to give Sirius a very pointed sidelong glance before turning his gaze back to the snitch which had briefly opened its wings to hover and then falling right back into James' outstretched hand.

"Like I said, mate. Ran into her in the hallway. Right after she had an unfortunate incident with the wrong side of a tapestry." James' jaw clenched, he knew there was something else going on. Yes, Lily had been covered in dirt and cobwebs, but she had just seemed _off_. James would know what off-Lily looked like since he had consciously spent the better part of two years (unconsciously, it was more like six) studying her. When she had walked into the room, it looked as if she was unsure if her legs would hold her. She was shaken and, despite her occasional clumsiness, Lily Evans was rarely shaken.

"You are aware that I'm not actually _that_ thick, yeah?" James said, pocketing the snitch and turning his full attention to the shaggy-haired Gryffindor.

Sirius winced, hating to lie to his best friend. "I can't tell you." He admitted. "I'm not even entirely sure what happened myself." He shrugged.

"She's alright, though?" James asked.

"Seems to be. Though I'm not sure I'd be the first person she'd tell what with…" He trailed off, gesturing between James and himself. James frowned. What Sirius didn't say was that there was likely no one she would tell, seeing as her best friends didn't seem to know.

What Lily hadn't told Sirius was that she hadn't told _anybody_ about the panic attacks. Not even her parents had known, despite the almost weekly occurrence. Plus the nightmares. If Lily Evans didn't want someone to know about something, then you could be damn sure they'd be kept well in the dark. She was nothing if not meticulously careful. She hadn't wanted the looks or the pity or, worse, the _questions_ and it had worked. Right up until Sirius found her.

James grunted in understanding, though before he could respond a voice called out behind them.

"Oy! Padfoot, Prongs! Hold up!" They turned to see Peter walking quickly towards them with Remus trailing slightly behind at a more leisurely pace. "Heading down to dinner, yeah? Remus and I were on our way there. Where have you been all day?" Peter started before he was even at their side.

"Pete, Remus." James replied, when Remus finally caught up to the group.

"Went to James's room." Sirius answered.

"And? As nice as Prongs says?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, I suppose. Think it needs a bit of a house warming, though. Perhaps we invite our closest hundred friends to break the place in?" Sirius suggested, grinning mischievously.

"Sirius…" James warned.

"Definitely needs a pet though, horribly depressing. Perhaps a dog? I may know one in the market for a change of scenery." Sirius continued with a crooked grin, ignoring James. Remus chuckled.

They entered the Great Hall as a group, Sirius continuing to go on about how much a dog would brighten up the place. Peter had begun to pipe in on a nice rat for the room before Sirius jumped on the idea of a werewolf being a nice option ("You would only need to care for it once a month, besides, it'll practically look after itself! You don't even need to be in the room. In fact, I insist you don't."). They sat down at a stretch of Gryffindor table that was relatively empty on either side.

"Speaking of…Moony," James began as they all took their seats "full moon's coming up."

"Is it? Huh, never would've guessed. Didn't that happen last month?" Remus shot back sarcastically. James cocked an eyebrow.

Sirius laughed, "Fangs out already, looks like." Remus reddened guiltily. Sirius turned his attention to James "So what's our plan? What with you now being an official, Hogwarts-approved ponce and us four not living together, I believe a new strategy is in order." he asked, gesturing to the gleaming badge on the Head Boy's chest.

"I could watch the map for when you guys leave and meet you at the Whomping Willow." He suggested, Sirius shook his head.

"You know, you guys really don't have to do this…" Remus muttered.

The marauders ignored him entirely. "No, can't do that. How would ickle Wormy and I know when the coast was clear? We should all leave together, like usual."

"Seriously, James, there's no need…" Remus continued

"So, I'll meet you in Gryffindor dorms, then. Peter will leave first as a rat. You and me follow under the cloak." James confirmed, Sirius nodded. "What time's sundown? Seven-something?"

"Sunset's at twenty past eight." Peter offered, puffing his chest out a bit, happy to have been of use.

"Brilliant. So plan to leave at around half nine, then? That'll get us there a bit past ten." James said.

"Really, I'll be fine without—"

"Bloody hell, Moony! Shut up! You do this every bloody time, for Merlin's sake. We don't care about your bleeding pity party. We're coming with you!" James yelled, drawing the attention of a few Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs at the next table.

Sirius smiled before jumping in to support James.

Lily woke up, seeming to have fallen asleep with a book, and was completely ravenous. She stumbled into the bathroom and winced at her face in the mirror. The girl staring back at her looked exhausted, dark circles standing out like bruises on her pale skin. Her attacks always left her like this, bone tired and drained. She was dirty, too. Lily rubbed at a smudge of dirt on her nose. Her stomach rumbled and she realized that she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast that morning.

She splashed a handful of cool water over her skin, scrubbing the dirt off her face. Not able to do much of anything else, she headed down to dinner. Entering the hall she saw the Marauders—James and Sirius seemed to be arguing with Remus about something, unfortunately not an unusual sight. Lily hoped it was about something that wouldn't damage school property. If it was, Remus didn't seem to be winning which definitely meant bad news for the property in question. She then saw her friends sitting a little farther down a ways and quickly made her way towards them, deciding to leave the marauder's fight to the marauders.

"Hey Lily!" Marlene called brightly, gesturing that Emmeline should budge down so the redhead could sit with them.

"Hello Mar, Em." Lily replied. "No Alice?" She asked, looking around for the short, spritely girl.

"No, she's decided to stay back. Writing to Frank. She asked to grab her something, though." Emmeline pointed to a neatly folded napkin stuffed with food. "Where've you been? Haven't seen you since breakfast."

Lily smiled tightly, not wanting to mention her near run-in with Snape and the following interaction with Sirius. "Oh, you know," She waved off vaguely. "Took a walk, went to the library, read a bit." She wondered why the two were staring at her with strange smiles.

"Oh, was that it?" Marlene asked, her strange smile widening. Lily nodded slowly, confused. "A little lion told us that you were with a very dreamy Hufflepuff. Looking awfully couple-y…" Lily groaned and shook her head slightly.

"Anything we should know about, Lily-pad?" Emmeline asked innocently. Lily sent her a withering glare at the use of the nickname.

"Damn it, Awen." Lily muttered, referring to the third year Gryffindor who seemed to think it was her responsibility to inform Emmeline of all potential gossip around the school. She looked down the table to glare at the little blonde lapdog, who happened to be talking very animatedly with her friends.

"Now, now, Lily-flower. No need to blame the messenger." Marlene replied, giggling.

"I believe the correct term is 'kill the messenger' and I would like to contest it." Lily muttered darkly. She had never liked Awen. Even as a little first-year the girl had been wicked. She thrived off of gossip and found a kindred spirit, or mentor really, in Emmeline. The girl, who Marlene claimed was just jealous of James' obsession with Lily (which Lily claimed was preposterous since the attention was unwanted and not asked for, and _definitely_ not something to be envied.), seemed to have a personal vendetta against her elder housemate and had started enough rumours about Lily to last a lifetime.

Lily sighed, returning her attention back to her friends. "I ran into him in the halls." Lily shook her head. "He was acting very _affectionate_. I just don't understand, I thought I was clear with him!"

"Lily, you were the opposite of clear! I'm surprised he even realized you broke it off last year." Emmeline said, rolling her eyes. "You told him he was a great guy and you really liked him."

"Yeah, but…" Lily began.

"No 'but' Lily! That was all you said! We were both there!" Marlene laughingly added. "'Hey listen, Mason, I just, erm, well, I think that we—you're a really great guy, and I, well, I really like you but, it's just that…perhaps…'" The girl imitated. "It wasn't until Em told him to 'bugger off' that the poor sod realized what was happening."

"I'm sorry I can't be a bitch like Vance!" Lily exclaimed, then felt a little guilty that she had called out her friend.

Emmeline smirked, unhurt. "There's a different between being a bitch and being blunt." Lily frowned, knowing the girl was right and hating that her friend had to break up with her boyfriend for her.

"You need to be a bit more forceful, Lils, a bit meaner. We know you have teeth, so use them." Marlene added, the words came out a bit louder than necessary. They heard a wolf whistle come from a little ways down.

"I'll let you use them on me, Evans!" Sirius called, causing laughter to sound down the table. Lily saw Remus punch the boy in the arm and James shook his head, though he was smiling.

Lily rolled her eyes, her cheeks reddening. "I would, Black, but I've already reached my daily limit of pervy gits!" Lily whipped back, not really meaning anything by it.

James, Lily noticed fleetingly, had grimaced. She suddenly recalled their bathroom interaction from earlier that morning. It had seemed such a long time ago that Lily had completely forgotten about it. But she knew it was what James was thinking of. She felt a twinge of guilt, she hadn't meant to needlessly hurt him. She thought briefly to apologize before taking pause.

She honestly hadn't meant anything by it so if the boy felt hurt or guilty or _whatever_ , than it was his own fault. James Potter thought she was calling him a pervy git and, well, _if the shoe fits…_ She thought. Besides, isn't that what James did anyway: needlessly hurt? Why should she apologize for giving him a taste of his own medicine?

 _Because Lils, you are a) better than him and don't go out of your way to hurt people and, b) attempting to turn over a new leaf. Y'know, like a mature person._ Lily's inner voice broke in. She scowled to herself, hating the morality.

"See? Teeth, Lil." Marlene said, nodding pointedly back to Sirius, who had simply laughed at her retort before turning back to the other Marauders.

"Yeah, but that's Sirius. He's not the same." Lily whined. "Mason's never done anything to piss me off. And Sirius, well…"

"Is a pervy git?" Marlene supplied. Emmeline let out a short laugh and Lily smiled, shaking off her lingering sense of guilt.

After dinner, Lily wished Marlene and Emmeline a good night before promising to meet them at breakfast the next morning. She headed back to her dorms and promptly snuggled into the plush Gryffindor-red cushions lining the bay window with her book.

James walked in nearly an hour after. He nodded to Lily when she looked up from her seat on the windowsill, and walked straight to his room. Lily once again felt a slight twinge of guilt about the comment she'd made at dinner. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and returned back to her novel.

"Hey, Evans?" Lily heard from behind her and looked up towards the voice. James was standing right outside the door to his room having changed into sweats and an old t-shirt. He rubbed the back of his head lazily.

"Yeah?" She replied, marking her place in the book and folding it in her lap. She looked up expectantly at him.

"D'you want to get the schedule ready for the prefect's meeting on Tuesday?"

Lily stared, once again stunned. If she hadn't seen the completely serious look on his face, she would have figured he was kidding. "Sure." She replied after a beat.

She untucked her feet from her perch and set the book down on the floor in front of her before standing. "Your desk?" She suggested, already walking towards it.

Lily summoned her chair from the other side of the room and placed it beside his. They sat next to each other, leaving a comfortable distance between them.

"So, how does this work exactly?" James asked, smiling sheepishly.

"Well," Lily began, summoning over a few pieces of paper off her desk and a quill from her bag. "We have the preferences they gave us on this sheet here." She brandished the paper that the prefects had filled out in their meeting on the train. "But since they hadn't received their class schedules yet, this will likely change." Lily continued, falling into a business-like attitude.

"And how long should we schedule out for?"

"Well, we have biweekly meetings, so I suppose only just the two weeks. That means everybody should be scheduled twice since there are ten prefects including us, and two people per rounds. Plus the professors patrol on weekends." She explained. "Once the courses start up, the scheduling should be pretty easy. People like routine, so it stays pretty much the same. If people need to switch shifts, they generally sort that out themselves and then just tell us."

James nodded and looked down at the list of names. "Alright, so…who do we start with?"

Lily opened her mouth, and then paused, not entirely sure. "I suppose we start with our favourites?" She supplied after a moment, smiling sheepishly. "And then we just add ourselves into the gaps."

James chuckled and nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

They sat and worked away for the next quarter hour in a strange sort of partnership, the likes of which had Lily feeling nervous about how comfortable it felt.

"Alright, now for our names." James said, pulling away for a moment to see that they had marked everyone down.

Lily scanned the parchment for a moment. "Well, I can't work that one there. I have a Slug Club thing, Slughorn owled us about it weeks ago. I'll take this one though." Lily pencilled in her name next to the spot for Friday night with a Ravenclaw. "How about you take that one?" She suggested, pointing at one spot scheduled for a Tuesday night.

James looked it over for a moment. "Erm, no, I don't think that's such a good idea."

Lily's annoyance piqued. "Why not?" She demanded with an arched brow.

"It's just, well, I have some history with that particular…girl." He ran a hand awkwardly through his hair.

Lily looked down and read the name. It was a Hufflepuff. A sixth year, if she remembered correctly. She was a nice enough girl, a bit boring if you asked Lily.

"What issues could you possibly have with her?" Lily asked, a bit peeved. She didn't seem like the general target for Marauder pranks. Those were generally used on Slytherins. And Lily. And possibly any student that rubbed them the wrong way. Or professors that they had deemed unfair. Or Filch. Ok, perhaps this Hufflepuff girl could have been a victim of some prank or another.

"Erm," James cleared his throat uncomfortably "Personal ones." Despite the vague answer, his tone made it very clear exactly what he meant.

Lily's jaw clenched. She was one of James's many _conquests_ and rather than suck it up and spend an uncomfortable hour or two with a girl he had snogged…Lily took a deep breath, clearly irritated.

"Fine. There are still a few spots left. What about…" She paused, looking for an opening, "that one, there." She pointed to another space with the fifth year Gryffindor prefect.

James heart sunk, and he grimaced a bit as he saw the date. "Can't." He said, bracing himself for Lily's outburst.

"What do you mean 'can't'? Did you snog this one, too?" She bit out, her annoyance spiking. Perhaps Lily was being irrational, but this was James Potter and if anyone could make Lily go from zero to sixty it was him.

"No, no, nothing like that!" He exclaimed, shaking his head.

"So? What is it?" The red headed girl retorted. James ran a hand through his hair and tugged at the ends in frustration. He wished he could tell her, but it wasn't his place.

"Personal reasons." Immediately, James regretted his choice of words.

"Personal reasons?" Lily repeated furiously. "You do realize you can't just take off Head Duty for your little adventures around the castle, yeah?"

James felt his own anger rising. He knew from his many years of experience that fighting with Lily would only make things worse in the following days. And though he had jumped at the chance to volley insults in previous years, he held back.

"It's just a draft schedule." He pointed out tensely. His irritation slipped through despite his best attempts to hold back.

"It doesn't matter, Potter! It's the principle of the thing. You can't just skive off all your duties for 'personal reasons'!" She exclaimed, her temper flaring up in earnest at the marauder. She stood up from her chair.

Screw holding back for the sake of the ceasefire, the girl was just being unreasonable. "You're being completely ridiculous! You said you couldn't take Thursday because of Slug Club, how is this any different?" He shot back, standing up as well and puffing out his chest.

"I actually have a reason! I'm not just slacking on my duties so I can run around the castle doing Merlin's knows what! Besides, being _uncomfortable_ is not a reason to not work with someone!"

"I have a reason!" He replied, unwilling to address the other situation. If Lily only _knew_ how crazy the Hufflepuff bint was…

"So? What is it, Potter? I'm all ears!" She yelled, putting her hands firmly on her hips. James couldn't help but take a moment to look at her, he had nearly forgotten about the glow that Lily had when she was angry. Her green eyes seemed to dance and sparkle and pretty pink spots appeared on her cheeks. Old habits died hard, he supposed, as the moment passed.

"I can't tell you." He groaned in frustration, running a hand through his hair and pulling at the ends.

"This job is important to me, obviously it's not that important for you." She responded, her voice dropping back to a normal level. It took James a moment to recognize her unfamiliar tone, she was _disappointed._

Before James could figure out what he _could_ say, Lily walked over to her room and slammed the door shut behind her, leaving James to continue pulling at his hair in frustration.

"Completely unreasonable…" he muttered after her, eyes fixed on her shut door. James was annoyed with himself about how quickly he had jumped back into old routines with Lily. He was trying to _befriend_ her, not continue on the same bit they had been practicing for six years. Yet, this fight had been different than all the others. He hadn't intentionally provoked her, or teased her to get a rise. He was defending himself on a position that he felt was totally justified.

Suddenly a thought occurred to James that made him realize that this fight, somehow, was different—when he had paused to take in the Lily Evans glow, he had seen something else. Something new: disappointment. Yes, maybe not the most desirable emotion to see on her face, but James knew what disappointment meant. Disappointment meant she had hope.

 _Yeah, 'had' being the key word, you dolt. Past tense._ James's voice of reason cut in. His heart dropped a bit. But maybe if she'd had it before, he'd earn it back. The thought nearly made him smile.

In her room, Lily fell onto her bed, groaning loudly into her pillow. She was angry with James, but a small part of her brain knew the real reason she had gotten angry. It wasn't just Potter she was frustrated with, she was also angry with herself. She wasn't meant for this responsibility, her assignment to the Head Girl position was a total mistake. Surely Dumbledore had to see that?

She couldn't even do something as simple as making a rounds schedule properly. What were they thinking pairing her, an unqualified fraud, with James, an entitled prat who would rather run around the castle chasing girls than take anything seriously? It was just cruel. She had been set up for failure and they were probably all laughing as they watched her struggle to keep everything together. Though she wasn't entirely sure who 'they' was, she was sure they were out there laughing at her.

She felt a pinching sensation in her chest. There was another reason—one Lily was not entirely ready to admit to anyone let alone herself—she wanted this truce to work. A secret part of her, one that she had tried to bury years ago, wanted to be friends with James Potter. In the brief moments she'd had over the years to see him—when he wasn't acting arrogant or cruel—she had really seen what Potter could be. What he truly was. He was kind to his friends, fiercely loyal, incredibly clever, and wickedly fast on his feet. It was that sort of person that Lily admired, one that she wanted to be around in hopes that they would rub off on her. It was why, despite her better judgements, Lily had agreed to a truce in the first place and why she hadn't backed out immediately after.

Yet, at the same time, another part of her was fighting against it. She was scared, terrified really, of what it meant if she _did_ become friends with James Potter. What did it mean that she would forget all about the boy that had repeatedly terrorized her, hurt her closest friends, and played cruel tricks on innocent students, and forge a friendship with him? Didn't that mean she was weak? Because it surely wasn't strength to turn her back on her convictions and morals. It surely wasn't something Lily wanted to do.

Despite her exhaustion, it took her hours to get to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Still not JKR

 **A/N:** Hello again everyone! So maybe it's just me, but I think university is the biggest writer's block-ing thing ever (i.e. it kills all my creativity)-by the time I have any freedom available all I want to do is turn my brain off. That being said, I just want to say, a huge thank you to those who have commented/followed/favorited/ _looked at_ this story. It's just crazy that other people are reading this (and maybe even liking it?)! So thank you thank you thank you! Anyway, here's the next chapter I hope you enjoy!

* * *

 **CHAPTER SIX**

The next morning, Lily woke early, unable to keep herself asleep. She walked down to breakfast grumpy and alone, still not willing to see James after her outburst and still bitter about their fight. Despite having made plans to meet Emmeline and Marlene for breakfast, they did not account for Lily being restless.

Lily Evans hated eating by herself, she felt like everyone was constantly looking at her and thinking cruel thoughts (much like the 'they' who laughed at her, she wasn't sure who this 'everyone' was but she was sure they existed and also enjoyed watching her struggle.). Generally, she would bring a book down to look studious, as if to say she didn't have time to waste on friends since her book was obviously _very, very_ important. However, since classes hadn't even started, a book would just look at a lame attempt to cover up her solitary status at the breakfast table. Which it would have been regardless, but at least with classes it could be plausible.

Lily was already mentally dreading the experience and was pleasantly surprised to see Remus at the Gryffindor table, alone. With, Lily noticed, a book. The red head smiled to herself and immediately took the seat across from the sandy haired marauder.

"Hello, Remus." She said brightly.

"Lily," he looked up, smiling at her and promptly shutting his novel "well thank Merlin you're here, I hate eating alone."

Lily laughed, she really liked Remus. He was by far her favourite of the Marauders, and likely one of her favourite people in general. Their friendship had started very early at school. Lily had appreciated his mild manners and easy-going nature. She had especially liked how he seemed to be the voice of reason for his band of troublemakers, a trait that Lily saw in herself. They had also been wildly competitive in classes, constantly trying to out-do the other in grades and house points. In fact, their competitiveness had been how Lily had discovered his lycanthropy.

In their fourth year, the two had started a friendly wager in Arithmancy of who could get the best scores at the end of the year. A few months in, Lily began to notice how many lectures he missed, claiming he went home to see his sick aunt. She began to complain that it wasn't even a competition if he missed so much course material. So, in the name of fairness, she began marking down his absences in her planner. Very quickly she made the connection between the full moon and Remus's disappearance. She confronted him about it shortly after, and though he protested, he eventually admitted it. He was totally shocked by her reaction ("Well, Merlin, Remus. Don't make bets you know you won't win. How can I properly compete if you're missing half the lecture notes? Honestly, I might as well start bringing them to you in hospital.").

"How've you been? How was your summer? I barely got any letters from you!" Lily scolded while she scooped some fruit into a bowl.

"I know, I meant to write. Just got a bit tied up, I suppose." He smiled apologetically.

"It's a bit my fault too, I didn't send you much other than the…hey!" She exclaimed, recalling exactly what it was she had sent to him. It had been a letter telling him about her position as Head Girl and asking if he had received any note from Hogwarts telling him the same. He had responded with a congratulations and a short paragraph saying he hadn't gotten it, and didn't know the bloke who had.

Remus winced slightly. "I know, I know. I should've told you about Prongs…"

"You think?" Lily exclaimed.

"He asked me to keep it a secret. I figured either way it would suck. Am I in trouble?" He asked, pouting ridiculously.

"I suppose not." Lily grumbled. "Just don't do it again."

"Alright, next time James becomes Head Boy I'll be sure to tell you." He nodded seriously. Lily reached over the table to shove him. "Is it honestly that bad?"

Lily stared at him for a moment before responding. "What do you think?" She dead-panned.

He raised his eyebrows expectantly, looking for her to say more.

"It's James Potter." She offered by way of explanation.

"You'll have to do better than that. I actually like the bloke." Remus replied.

Lily rolled her eyes at the boy, she had half-jokingly over the years referred to him as her therapist. She found it funny sometimes how he actually wanted to hear her feelings on things. Other times she found it incredibly comforting, knowing there was always someone she could speak to about almost anything. Even when she was especially angry with Potter, Remus would occasionally lend an ear to her ranting until she calmed despite him being one of James's best mates. The majority of the time, however, she found it a bit irritating.

"Merlin knows why…" She muttered to herself, yet at the words she felt the same chest-pinching feeling from last night. It made her uncomfortable, and she once again brushed off the distinct feeling that she was lying.

"Oh, I dunno, Remus. The prat has been pestering me for as long as I can remember. Now I not only have to live _in the same rooms_ as him, but we have to work together and act professional." She snorted at the last part. _James Potter, a responsible authority._ Who could possibly believe that was a good idea?

"What about that arrangement you made? No pranks in return for a second chance?"

"You mean the 'truce'?" she asked sarcastically. "It's been two days, I can't possibly know if he'll stick to it or not. And knowing Potter, a semester without pranking?" Lily scoffed. She sighed before sucking up the courage to admit what she had reminded herself of last night. Though, she would never admit to Remus the full extent of her truth. He was best friends with James, and she wasn't daft.

"I mean, it _would_ be nice if this actually stuck. It would obviously be much more pleasant to work with him if he's not constantly trying to hex me or get me to go out with him. Or both." She rolled her eyes in an attempt to seem aloof.

She breathed again and continued. "I want it to be true, Remus, I really do. But this is James Potter we're talking about! I know you're his mate but he's done some pretty terrible things in past years. I can't possibly be expected to forgive and forget because he's _trying_ not to be a bad person."

"I don't think he's asking you to. But, I was there at the prefect's meeting. He did seem to be taking this turning a new leaf thing seriously."

Lily winced at the mention of the prefect meeting, reminded of their fight from the night before. _Yet another reason why I_ shouldn't _want this._

"Besides, I'm all for James picking up some responsibility. I _am_ generally the one who picks up the pieces when things go wrong."

"And you deserve a medal for it." Lily replied, patting his arm fondly. "But Potter is far from responsible, especially in Head Boy duties."

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked, arching an eyebrow in Lily's direction.

She began to recount the fight from the night before. Her ire that had been lost in her self-pity and inner turmoil rising again. Remus tensed when she mentioned James's unexplained refusal.

"What day was that?" He asked carefully.

"Next Tuesday, why?" Lily replied.

Remus nodded shortly, "No reason." He said, attempting a smile. Remus then checked his watch, "I'm so sorry, Lily. I promised McGonagall that I'd meet with her to discuss my…arrangements for this year."

"Yes, of course! Go." Lily said, waving him off. "I was actually going to go see if the girls were in the Gryffindor dorms. Try to convince them to spend our last day of freedom by the lake." She added by way of excusing him and letting him know she'd be fine finishing breakfast alone. He nodded and got up from his seat.

"Speak soon, Lils." He said. She nodded.

As he left through the massive oak doors she stared after him. It seemed strange to her how he had reacted to James's refusal. _Marauder business, likely._

She pursed her lips at Remus's retreating form. Though she considered him one of her closest friends, Lily often had to remind herself that Remus Lupin was also one of the masterminds behind Marauder pranks. Yet, as much as she was exasperated by Sirius and infuriated by James when she witnessed another prank, something within her couldn't get angry at Lupin. How could she hate someone who was obsessed with tea, ate chocolate to the point of being ill, had a book habit almost as bad as her own, and had a sweater collection the size of her entire wardrobe?

She turned back to her own breakfast, shaking her head. Her thoughts began to turn to plans for the rest of the day, perhaps she could convince the kitchens to give her some materials for a picnic…

Remus's meeting—which he did actually have and wasn't just an excuse to get away from Lily—took very little time (it was definitely still an excuse, but it also happened to coincide with an actual obligation he had made). Afterwards, he made his way to the Head dorms, praying that Lily wouldn't be there. He remembered that she had mentioned finding her friends to go down to the lake.

He knocked loudly on the frame of the pretty landscape painting. He had known where the Head dorms were from his last few years as a prefect, but had never been inside them. James opened the door yawning, still in his pyjamas.

He scratched the back of his head sleepily before stepping out of the way and letting Remus in wordlessly. Remus walked in quietly and stood in the middle. James settled himself on the couch.

"Is Lily here?" Remus asked nervously. His eyes darted to the door emblazoned with her name.

"Don't think so. D'you want to talk with her?" James asked. He reached for his wand and transfigured a decorative bowl into a tea cup.

"No, no. I spoke to her this morning at breakfast." James nodded, not looking up from the cup, his wand pointed at the rim. Out of the tip spilled strong black tea that sloshed slowly into the cup.

He took a sip. "Mm." James Potter had always had a very touch and go relationship with mornings. Some of them, James would be up before the sun and nearly manic. Having gone for a run or written the entirety of an essay two weeks in advance before his friends had even woken up. Other mornings, like today, James was almost entirely monosyllabic before he had caffeine.

"We talked about you." Remus continued. That got James's attention.

"Fighting about which one thought I was prettier?" He asked with a crooked smile.

The werewolf snorted, "Yeah. We both gave up on that conversation pretty quickly. Then we started talking about this business." Remus gestured around the room. He meant the co-Heads situation, James realized.

"What did she say?" James prompted. He put down his tea, officially interested in the conversation.

"Well, she's a bit conflicted about your whole agreement. Doesn't think it'll stick." Remus recalled. "We both know that'll come with time."

James huffed. If there was one thing James Potter had never been known for, it was patience.

"She _did_ say that she wanted it to work, though." With that, James brightened significantly. She was willing to try, against what some would call her better judgement. She wanted it to work, just as he had begun suspecting last night.

"There is one problem, though." Remus broke in, interrupting the other boy's thoughts. James deflated a little. "Your fight last night? About the schedule."

James rolled his eyes. "She's being unfair."

Remus shrugged, "Either way, she's not the one on trial here." James attempted to protest. "Fair or not, mate. She's not the one who's trying to prove that she's changed. You can't just let this blow over like the other ones."

"So what do I do?"

Remus shrugged. "We both know why you can't work on Tuesday. So tell her. It's not like she doesn't know already." James looked at his friend in total shock. "Not _all_ of it, you dolt. But she knows about my…condition, so there's no point in covering for me." Remus explained.

James nodded slowly, "Thanks mate." Remus bobbed his head in acceptance. "So…" James started, changing the subject. "You already had breakfast, then?"

Remus shrugged. "Sorry."

"Damn, I hate eating alone. Have any good books?"

Straight after finishing her breakfast, Lily had barged into the girl's Gryffindor room with very little notice and demanded that they have a picnic. Emmeline and Alice had already been half awake and knew better than to protest Lily. They both drowsily agreed. Marlene had thrown a pillow at the red-headed Gryffindor.

Eventually, through Lily's persistent convincing (which comprised of jumping on the girl's bed and flicking her nose), an agreement was reached of one more hour of sleep until Marlene met them down there. The three girls left, but not before Lily threatened Marley if she was so much as five minutes late.

Marlene struggled to sleep for another fifteen minutes. Then, resigned herself to consciousness and began to get ready. From the bathroom, Marlene heard the door creak open.

"Marlene?" She heard a voice call out.

 _Who—_. James's head popped into the bathroom where Marlene was putting on mascara.

"James?" She cried. "Wha're you doin' 'ere?" Her Scottish accent always got thicker when she was tired.

"Thought I'd catch you in the shower." He teased, winking and raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Cheeky bastard." She laughed, turning back to the mirror.

"I actually wanted to ask you about something. Advice." He said. He leaned against the doorjamb casually and crossed his arms against his chest.

"Lily?" She asked, catching his eyes in the mirror.

"How'd you know?" He grinned guiltily.

"Because she seems the only thing you come to me about." Marlene arched an eyebrow at him, turning around to face him in full.

He grimaced. It was true, he hadn't really talked to Marlene much over the summer. The only times he had talked to her in the past few days had been about Lily. "Sorry." He muttered.

"Only teasing, Potter." She laughed at the guilty expression on his face. "So?" She continued, walking past him to sit on her bed. "What is it then?"

"Well, we had a bit of a fight."

"Shocking."

He ran a hand through his hair anxiously. "Yeah, well, I spoke to Remus about it and he said—"

"Oh Merlin. What happened? What did he say to you?"

"Nothing happened!" James insisted. "He told me to figure it out myself."

"Oh." Marlene looked visibly relieved. "So you came to me then. Look at that, the boy learns…Alright, what was this fight of yours?"

James launched into a short recounting of the night before and then Remus's visit earlier that day. He omitted the bit about Remus and his furry little problem. When James finished, Marlene stayed silent for a moment.

"Well, what was the reason that you couldn't work?" She asked finally.

James ran a hand through his hair. "I can't tell you either." He sighed. "It's Marauder business."

"Well, that is definitely not a good enough reason to skip out, James."

"No! It's not like that, promise. It's just…well…"

"Marauder business." She finished. "Well, if it's that important you need to tell her. If she's going to trust you, you need to give her a reason why." James nodded. "But if you _really_ want to show her you're serious, you'll need to go a bit further…"

Emmeline, Alice, and Lily were sitting out on the grounds, chatting casually. The lake stretched out before them and a dramatic view of the castle, looking almost ominous, to their right. Behind them lay the Quidditch pitches and in front, following the shores of the water, the beginnings of the Forbidden Forest.

Lily had just finished recounting the same story to Emmeline and Alice, the girls commenting and chuckling the whole way through.

Alice was the first to comment after Lily had finished. "I think you need to give him a break. It doesn't seem like such a big deal, y'know?"

"It's not the _thing_ itself, it's the principle of the matter!" Lily retorted.

"Yeah, we got that the first eight times you said it." Emmeline laughed. "Listen, Lils, I get it. And it's a bit shitty of him not to give you a reason. But he said it was personal, yeah? I'm sure there are plenty of things that you wouldn't share with him if you were in the same situation."

Lily bit the inside of her cheek. Em had made a good point. "Fine, whatever. I feel like I'm beating a dead hippogriff at this point. The more I talk about it, the sillier it all feels. How's Frank?" Lily turned to Alice, effectively changing the subject.

Alice got a dreamy look on her face, smiling dopily. "He's just lovely." She started, before going off in great detail about the holiday she went on with his family over the summer. "I thought it would be terribly awkward. Frank's mum is a fright and I figured we would be spending most of our time with them…" She continued babbling on as Lily and Emmeline took to making moon eyes at each other, mimicking Alice's expression.

Once the small girl caught on, she stopped. "Oh, whatever! So, Emmeline, tell us about your harem of boys, then." Alice said grumpily.

"Oh please do!" Lily exclaimed. She loved hearing all about Emmeline's romantic life. It seemed, to Lily, like one of the soap operas that Petunia insisted on watching every week. At times, Lily was almost jealous of the dark haired beauty and how her life never seemed to have a dull moment. At the same time, Lily knew she would never be able to handle the near-constant state of drama that seemed to accompany her friend wherever she went. Since, as was very well known by now, Lily was very bad at confrontation. And, if she was being honest, she actually quite enjoyed her boring life at times.

Emmeline rolled her eyes. She jumped straight into the story of one of her flings from over the summer. It had happened while visiting extended family in Austria for part of her holiday. Marlene joined them shortly afterwards, seamlessly jumping into the banter.

Many hours later, the girls realized the sun was beginning to set. All the snacks Lily had managed to smuggle from the kitchens had been gone for hours. When Alice's stomach grumbled loudly they decided that it was time to go to dinner.

The first few days before classes started up, the dining hall was entirely packed with students. Throughout the semester, the crowds of students eating in the hall died down. Students began to forego dinner to work in the libraries. The younger children would learn in a month or two where the kitchens were, and would eat themselves sick. Now, however, as Lily sat down in a miraculously empty grouping of seats in a sea of Gryffindors, she felt uncomfortably claustrophobic.

Marlene and Alice sat across from her, while Emmeline sat beside her. A space was left open beside Lily. There was no formal speech made by any professor and the food was already on platters for the students to serve themselves. Lily surveyed the dishes. Many of them were already opened and half empty from the students who had beaten them to it.

As she heaped on a healthy serving of roast potatoes onto her plate, she felt someone sit down beside her. She groaned internally. She hated the inevitable and uncomfortable experience of hitting elbows and accidentally touching thighs with an absolute stranger. Despite this, Lily Evans budged over anyway, kindly allowing the individual enough space to sit snugly.

"Close quarters, eh, Evans?" The person beside her remarked. She groaned. _Just my luck._ She thought as she turned to see Potter. He had already looked away from her to grab a roll out of a basket.

"Oh, Merlin…" She muttered, looking around fruitlessly for another empty spot nearby.

"Wait, listen." James said, interrupting her entirely unsuccessful search.

Lily sighed, "What is it then, Potter? Come to torment me while I have no escape?"

He smirked. "I think that's 24/7 at this point. Roomie _._ " He teased, emphasizing the point that they were, in fact, living together and there was no escape for her at any point.

She stared blankly at him. He raised his hands in surrender. "Ok, right, so I just wanted to say sorry." Her brows furrowed. "I mean about yesterday." He added when he saw a look of confusion on her face.

"Oh." She let out, surprised once again by his apologies.

"Yeah, I, well, I should've given you a reason as to why I can't work the Tuesday rounds." She waited expectantly. "It's just that…that night is the full moon. And we all, me, Sirius, and Peter…" He glanced warily at the three girls sitting around Lily, attempting to pretend like they weren't listening. He leaned in so closely that Lily could feel his breath stir the hair as he whispered in her ear. "…we like to be there to help Remus on those nights."

What was left of Lily's anger melted. Of course they did, they were inseparable. Lily felt a spark of respect for the dark haired marauder suddenly and once again she was reminded of James's unyielding loyalty to his friends.

She smiled kindly at him, perhaps for the first time in his life. "I see." Lily acknowledged. "Well, in that case, I forgive—" She began before James cut her off.

"Wait! Just one moment. I have something else for you." He shifted a bit and reached into his back pocket. His elbow prodded Lily in the side quite hard.

"Ow!" she yelped.

"Oops, sorry. Like I said, close quarters. Here." He handed her a folded up piece of parchment that he had finally fished out from his back pocket.

"What's this?" She asked in confusion, glancing up at the boy. She unfolded the paper slowly and stared at it for a moment before it dawned on her. It was a fully completed schedule.

"I asked a few prefects if it was ok with them, so it shouldn't need too much editing at the meeting." He explained nervously. He grabbed her arm and she turned to look at him. "Just so you know I'm serious, Lily." He stated, looking at her intently through his glasses. He searched her eyes for a moment longer, making sure the words sunk in. She blinked twice. He nodded and turned back to his plate.

Lily turned to see Alice and Marlene staring widely at her. Lily returned the look and opened her mouth as if to say something and then closed it again choosing instead to shake her head in wonder.

She folded up the schedule and shoved it into the back pocket of her worn muggle jeans. "Potter, would you mind passing the carrots?" She requested quietly.

"Sure thing, Evans." He replied.

Beside her, Emmeline had pulled out her little notebook and added a small grey line before shutting it again.

"Hey!" Lily realized suddenly, turning to James with a frown "I might have forgiven you for the scheduling thing, but don't you dare think I've forgotten about the record incident." She informed him as they entered their rooms after dinner.

"What's the record incident?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"Yesterday when I came in with Sirius, you were over there flipping through my music." She explained.

"Yeah…" He prompted, still unsure why the little red head seemed to be angry.

"You can't just _use_ my record player!"

"Are you…are you serious?" He questioned, laughing in disbelief.

Her temper flared. "Of course I am." She bit out. And she was. If there was anything sacred to Lily Evans it was her music collection. "I have taken the time to lovingly curate that collection. And I can't just have you messing about in it."

"Alright, Evans, this is absurd. Now you're just seeking out reasons to be angry with me. Also, I highly doubt you 'lovingly curated' _The Monkees_."

"I'm not. You can't just touch a girl's records without her permission!" She ignored The Monkees comment.

James decided not to make any sort of innuendo like he usually would and instead yelled back, "It's in the common room!" He still wasn't entirely sure if she was actually upset or not.

"It doesn't matter! It's mine, you can't just go around touching my stuff! Besides it's—"

"The principle of the thing?" James broke in, now truly annoyed. "So you're saying I have to ask permission every time I want to use your things?"

"Yes." Lily snapped.

"Well that's totally ridiculous. I can't possibly ask your permission every time! What if you're not in the room, or you're sleeping?"

"Then I guess you can't use it." She stated, shrugging.

Before responding, James took a deep breath and shook his head in exasperation. "Alright. Fine. G'night, Evans." He said, walking to his room and shutting the door behind him.

Lily waited a few moments before walking over to her record player, patting the thing affectionately. With a glare at James's closed door, she spitefully pulled out The Monkees record. Grabbing the record player off of its shelf, Lily carried them into her room. She fell asleep happily to 'Daydream Believer'.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own zero**

 **A/N: hi, sorry its taken longer than usual to post! I'm afraid it'll be a bit more sporadic since I'm currently backpacking. Hopefully this satisfies for the time being :) Please R &R, it feeds my soul**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

The next morning was the start of the first day of classes. Lily smiled at the familiar routine of putting on her Hogwarts robes but grimaced slightly at the Head Girl badge pinned to her breast. She pulled her hair over it in a now-familiar gesture. She took one more look at herself in the mirror before grabbing her bag and heading down to breakfast.

She met Marlene, Emmeline, and Alice who were already sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table.

"How's everybody's morning?" Lily asked brightly, excited for the first days of classes.

Emmeline looked up at her grumpily. "Have some respect, I'm trying to mourn the loss of summer."

"I heard N.E.W.T. year is meant to be brutal." Marlene added miserably.

"Oh, c'mon, I know you both like school. How could you not?" Lily insisted.

"Here it comes…" Emmeline groaned.

"The annual ode to school." Marlene finished.

"Oh shut up. I don't have an ode." Lily grumbled.

"Can't you feel the tension in the air?" Emmeline began.

"All the nervous excitement, the possibilities for the year to come are just stretched out before you." Marlene continued, sweeping her arm dramatically out in front of her.

"Look, even the professors have some sort of glow about them." Alice jumped in, gesturing lavishly towards the front of the hall. Sirius and Remus sat down beside the group of girls.

"Oh! Are we doing the annual Evans poem to class?" Sirius asked. "How does the next line go?"

"The smell of chalk…" Remus supplied.

"Et tu, brute?" Lily hissed at him. Her cheeks were bright red with embarrassment.

"Ah yes, thank you Moony." Sirius cleared his throat dramatically. "The smell of the first chalk, the sound of opening your text books for the first time, and that beautiful thud of the first ingredients dropping into your cauldron…"

"There is nowhere in the world I would rather be than Hogwarts." James finished grandly as he sat down next to his friend. They all laughed.

"To be honest, Evans, not your finest piece of work." Sirius smirked.

"Yeah, I mean, it's a poem and it doesn't even really rhyme." James added, slinging his arm around Sirius's shoulders.

"I didn't even write the bloody thing, Potter." Lily snapped, glaring at him. He held up his hands in surrender, but his signature smirk was playing at the corners of his mouth.

"Whoa." Emmeline interjected before James could respond. "Where'd all the love go from last night?"

Lily just shook her head, about to deny there had been any 'love' at all when James cut her off. "I apparently have to get written consent from Evans over here before I even look at her music selection."

"Oh James. Poor, sweet, naïve James. Everybody knows you don't touch the collection." Emmeline responded, reaching across the table to pat his hand comfortingly.

"I'll touch your collection." Sirius responded suggestively.

"Display only, Black." Emmeline giggled back.

Marlene and Lily exchanged a look across the table.

"Looks as if holidays are officially over." Alice said, nodding towards McGonagall. The older witch was heading towards them, a stack of papers in hand.

A few groans sounded from their group. McGonagall handed them their schedules with quiet compliments.

"Potter, Black. Identical schedules as always" She said, rolling her eyes before continuing down to the next group of Gryffindors.

"Thanks, Minnie." Sirius called after her. She turned to give him a sharp look but said nothing. Lily rolled her eyes, still stunned after all these years that Sirius Black could get away with calling their Head of House 'Minnie'.

They all fell silent as they looked over their schedules.

NEWT Charms with Hufflepuffs. NEWT Defence with Ravenclaws. Non-NEWT Transfiguration and Arithmancy, both with Ravenclaw and…Lily paused. Potions with Slytherins. Lily felt her heart beat accelerate. Why hadn't she thought about this before? Gods, Potions would be hard enough without thinking about Severus but with him actually in the class…

She caught Sirius sending her a concerned glance, obviously her distress had shown on her face. She smiled tightly at him and shook her head slightly, silently telling him not to worry about it. He sent her a look that, somehow, Lily understood. It said, 'don't worry about a goddamn thing'. For some reason it made Lily feel totally safe.

"Anyone have Charms first?" She asked, recovering momentarily from her panic.

Lily walked to class alone, since it seemed no one had chosen to take NEWT-level Charms. She picked a seat towards the front of the class, chatting casually with some of her Hufflepuff classmates she recognized from over the years.

"Lily-pad!" A voice called out from behind her. She grimaced as she recognized the pet name. Turning, Lily plastered on a smile. Mason sat down next to her.

"Mason." She greeted flatly.

"When I saw that I was taking Charms with Gryffindor I had hoped that you would be here." He said smiling. The Hufflepuff reached out to squeeze lightly on her left hand, which she had been resting on the desk.

"Yep. Here I am." She said awkwardly. Lily pulled her hand away, trying to make it look coincidental. She reached down into her bag and pulled out a quill.

She was thankful that Professor Flitwick chose that moment to walk to the front of the class and begin his lecture. She wasn't sure she could keep up their awkward (from her end, at least) conversation for much longer.

At the end of the lecture Mason didn't hesitate to speak. "So what's your next class?" He asked, packing up his materials quickly.

"Erm, Defence." Lily unwillingly responded. Before she could protest (not that there was anything to protest _against_ since he didn't actually say anything), Mason picked up her bag and walked out of the classroom. Lily had no choice but to follow as he strode down the hall towards the Defence classrooms.

"Oh. Mason, this is…this is so not necessary." She stuttered, attempting to protest anyway.

"I know." He said, smiling flirtatiously down at her. He had mistakenly taken her tone to mean that she was pleasantly surprised by his chivalry rather than what it really was—embarrassment and desire to be _anywhere but right there_ at that particular moment.

They turned a corner to the hall of Defence classrooms. A few lengths down, Lily spotted Remus standing outside a door. Slipping her bag off of Mason's shoulder, she practically ran down the hall calling out a thanks to the now very confused Hufflepuff. In her haste to escape, Lily nearly crashed into Lupin.

"Thank Merlin you're here." Lily breathed by way of greeting a very surprised Remus. He reached out his arms to steady her, his gaze flicking back to where a very confused Mason was standing. He narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. He watched the tall Hufflepuff turn around and walk the other direction.

"Don't worry about it." Lily said, seeing that Remus was about to ask her what was going on. She shifted her weight and fixed her bag's position on her shoulder.

He nodded, still very confused. "Shall we go in?" He asked, putting a guiding hand on her elbow.

Lily smiled at Remus and went to sit near Alice at the front of the room. The boy took a seat in the back of the class where the marauders customarily sat.

Shortly after the entire class had taken their seats, the chatter died down quite suddenly. A man stepped out from the side office to lean against the professor's desk.

"Damn." She heard Emmeline whistle lowly behind her, commenting on the man's appearance. She was right, Lily conceded, he was attractive. The man was young, perhaps only a decade out of school if not less with a narrow face and sharp, angular features. His hair was dark, yet already speckled with flecks of grey and silver around his temples. He also, Lily noticed as he scanned the room, had eerily pale green eyes.

"Hello class." He said with a thick northern accent.

"Hello professor." A few individuals mumbled back. Most stayed silent, still sizing him up. They were trying to figure out what type of teacher he would be, among them was Lily herself. She had never had a natural talent for defence. The past few years had also found Lily becoming more and more frustrated with the subject. The last professor they'd had focused almost entirely on theory rather than any real, practical application of the material. What good was knowing a shield spell that was theoretically meant to work but in reality was a total dud?

"My name is Augustine Trodaire." He flicked his wand and chalk began to jump up and write on the chalkboard, elegantly spelling out his name. "I will respond to my last name most readily, but you can try 'professor' and we'll see if it works." His mouth pulled up at the corner in what could possibly be called a smile, but it was so slight that to call it one barely seemed fitting. "I will be your Defence Against the Dark Arts instructor for this year." He paused, a hand in the back catching his attention. He nodded in their direction.

"What happened to the last Defence teacher?" A Ravenclaw that Lily couldn't place asked.

"I suppose she left. I wasn't given the specifics, but I was contacted by Headmaster Dumbledore over the summer if I would be interested to teach this class." He answered. "And, from now on don't raise your hand in this class. If you have a question or comment, just call it out. You're all old enough now not to be treated like children." He paused, scanning the room once again to see if everyone understood.

"That being said, I expect from each one of you to respect your peers and myself. The class itself will have no tests," a few hoots sounded from the back of the room "your grades will consist of your willingness to participate and practicals. There is a war brewing outside these doors and it will not help you to memorize for a test or incessantly write down in your notebook, Mr. Pettigrew."

His pale green eyes suddenly fixed onto the hunched form of Peter Pettigrew. The small marauder was furiously scribbling everything Trodaire was saying. Sirius gave Peter a nudge in the ribs. Only then did the boy look up to see the entire class staring at him. His face heated up instantly.

"As I was saying," Trodaire continued, drawing the class's attention back to himself. "No amount of test revision or note taking will prepare you for the world outside these doors, only practice. And don't worry, those of you worried about your NEWTs," His eyes turned to fix on Alice, and she blanched under his gaze, "will be plenty prepared for them."

"Now, before you begin, I would like to tell you of my one rule: there is no such thing as fighting fair. It doesn't exist in the real world, and it won't exist here. Anything short of permanently maiming a fellow classmate is fair game in this class. If you know it, use it. Now, pair up and pick a spot!" He called.

Lily and Alice looked at each other, immediately claiming the other as their partner. "This guy is scary." Alice whispered to her, shooting a nervous glance in his direction. He was, Lily agreed. But there was something about him that resonated with Lily. There _was_ a war going on, and too many people had sheltered them from that. Too many people sugar coated how very real the danger was. Especially for people like herself, a muggle-born witch.

The rest of class was spent duelling one another. It was meant to assess, Trodaire said, their duelling ability.

By the time Lily walked out, she was excited about Defence for the first time in many years. Of course, Lily had always _liked_ learning, but she had never realized just how tired she had gotten in the DADA classes. It was about damn time that they learned practical skills and Lily was done, frankly, with revising for exams.

Marlene and Lily walked to their non-NEWT Transfiguration class together. They left the others with promises to meet at lunch. The two girls murmured excitedly about Trodaire's teaching methods as they waited for the lecture to start.

In class, McGonagall informed them that just because they would not be taking the Transfiguration NEWT at the end of the year did not mean they would slack off in her class. Lily groaned silently. She was truly terrible at Transfiguration and had barely managed to scrape an Acceptable on her OWL levels.

Skipping straight past class introductions ("You should all know how this works by now, so we might as well hop to it."), the professor began on lecture. In minutes, Lily was struggling to keep up. Within half an hour, she was well and truly lost.

"I don't think I can last." Lily groaned. They had been sent off into spell work and after five long minutes of well-intentioned attempts Lily was frustrated.

"What happened to breakfast Lily? Ode-to-coursework Lily?"

"Breakfast Lily forgot how atrocious she was at Transfiguration." She grumbled, half-heartedly flicking her wand at the crab shell before her. It shook a bit, then did nothing. "And Ode-to-coursework Lily never existed. She was replaced by terribly-embarrassed-Lily-who-has-terribly-embarrassing-friends…Lily." She added at the end for good measure.

"Well, if you hate Transfiguration that much, maybe you can get a tutor." Marley suggested.

"I've tried! Not sure if you remember my long list of tutors from over the years, but they all gave up. I'm hopeless at this! I've asked everyone." She moaned, her next attempt turned the shell bubble gum pink.

"Yes, you've certainly had a lot." Marlene hesitated. "But, there is one person you _haven't_ asked."

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked. There was absolutely no one. She had tried everyone who had shown any sort of promise in Transfiguration. She had even asked a little fourth year Slytherin last year. He had been absolutely no help. Not that he didn't get the advanced 6th year spells because he had, pretty quickly in fact. No, it was _Lily_ who had been the problem. She was totally unteachable.

"You won't like it." Marlene said.

"Do I even have a choice at this point?" Lily sighed, resting her head on the arm she had propped up on the table. She began to just poke at the thing with her wand and hoped for the best. _With no intention, a wand is just a twig, Ms. Evans._ Lily thought petulantly, recalling the words McGonagall had repeated over and over to Lily during her first year.

"Well, he's in our year, a Gryffindor. He got an Outstanding on his OWL levels." Lily perked up, whoever he was, he seemed promising. "He's been taking private lessons with Dumbledore for a few years now. And, bonus: he lives with you. So you won't even have to leave your rooms."

"Potter?" Lily cried, looking at Marlene as if she had grown another head. Which, with Lily as a transfiguration partner, was not totally out of the question.

"He's a really brilliant teacher!" Marlene insisted. "You remember how atrocious I was back in fourth. He tutored me a few times then, and he was a total natural."

Lily paused for a moment, weighing her options. It was either fail miserably at Transfiguration or suck up her pride and ask Potter to help her for a few hours a week. It really was a tough one.

"I'll give it a month." She muttered miserably. Marlene smiled happily to herself.

"Oh Merlin, I love Herbology." Sirius pronounced, shaking his head fondly as he picked weeds out of a potted baby Tentacula. "I don't know why we didn't just sign up for six Herbology classes."

"Yes, what were we thinking?" James murmured, struggling to get his finger out of a death grip one of the tentacles had put it in.

"Oy. Who's that bird there?" Sirius asked. He pointed to a Ravenclaw seventh year. "She's pretty fit, yeah?" James looked up and winced when he saw who his friend was looking at.

"Best not, Pads." James said, smacking away yet another tentacle. This one going for his wrist. "She's the one from fourth year, remember? The biter." He pulled down the collar of his shirt, revealing a faint silvery scar in the shape of teeth.

"Oh! That's her? Crazy bint." Sirius whistled lowly and shook his head. "She is looking fit, though." He said, checking her out once more.

James chuckled but said nothing more.

They fell silent for a minute before Sirius spoke up again. "What about Emmeline?" He asked.

"What about her?" James looked questioningly at his friend.

"She's pretty fit, too." Sirius observed.

"Down, boy." James warned, side-eyeing Sirius.

"Why not?"

"She's too close."

"What do you mean 'she's too close'?" Sirius scoffed petulantly.

"I mean she's in our house, in our year, plus she's friends with…" He trailed off.

"Friends with Lily?" Sirius smirked.

"No. Friends with Marley. You know, my _cousin_?" James retorted, recovering.

"She's not _my_ cousin…" Sirius pouted.

"Best not, Pads." James repeated. The teacher called for the end of class. They all began to pack away their stuff. James and Sirius walked out the greenhouse door, grabbing their bags from where they lay outside. There was strict no bags policy in with the plants. Ever since someone had smuggled out a mandrake root in their third year. Though they were never caught, James and Sirius agreed that this rule was one best followed. If it hadn't been for Remus, the boys would have very nearly caused permanent ear damage to a young Pettigrew.

"That's not a good enough reason for you to warn me off her." Sirius said, picking the conversation back up.

"Just drop it, Padfoot."

"You're acting weird about this. You shag her or something, Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"I wonder what they've made for lunch." James said as he began up the hill back to the castle, intentionally ignoring his friend's question.

"You did, didn't you?" Sirius gasped. "What the fuck, Prongs? How could you not tell me?"

"I didn't tell you because it never happened." James huffed, lengthening his strides and picking up his pace.

"It totally did, you dirty old stag. Prongs shagged Emmeline. Prongs shagged Emmeline." He taunted, pestering James all the way until the Dining Hall.

"I didn't shag her!" James protested, taking his place next to Remus. Sirius folded himself in next to Peter directly across from James.

"Who did Prongs shag?" Peter asked.

"Emmeline Vance" Sirius said at the same time as James spluttered "I didn't shag her!"

"…says I can't shag her cause she's friends with his cousin!" Sirius continued

Peter snorted a laugh "Prongs, if you told Sirius he couldn't shag any of your cousins _or friends of them_ there wouldn't be a female in the entirety of Britain for him!"

"And that would be a disservice to Queen and Country." Remus added mildly with a tone heavily drenched in sarcasm.

"Thank you, Moony! You hear that James? _Queen and Country._ You are disappointing the ruler of our great kingdom."

"I'm sure I'll be getting a howler about it any day now." James replied tiredly.

"Hey, Padfoot. What's the name of our Queen?" Remus asked, a smirk barely contained on his face.

"Is it…is it E-something? Eleanor? That's a queen-y name."

"Ah. So close." Remus said, chuckling into his tea.

"Bugger off, Moony. You great twat." Sirius flicked his wand and sent the lukewarm tea spilling down the front of his friend's robes.

"Oy!" James cried angrily, as some of the errant liquid hit his own shirt.

The entirety of lunch, Lily felt her panic begin to mount. She didn't think she was ready to go to Potions so soon. She didn't want to see him, _couldn't_ see him. She thought back to the letter, now shoved into the depths of her bag. Once again hating that she couldn't seem to just get rid of it like any other well-adjusted person would.

 _Then again, I'm not exactly well-adjusted_ she thought bitterly, reminding herself once again of the anxiety attacks she couldn't seem to rid herself of.

She was nauseated, and at the moment couldn't stand another minute of sitting at the Gryffindor table. She hastily made excuses as she stood up from her barely eaten lunch. Running past a grumpy looking James and a very pleased Sirius she made it to the bathroom.

It was thankfully empty. She locked herself in a stall and sat on the toilet, head rocking slowly back and forth on her folded arms that she had placed in her lap. The nausea settled after a few minutes and she went out to splash some cold water on her face. Lily checked her watch. It was nearly time for class to start.

She hurried to the dungeons and was halfway down the first flight of stairs before realizing she had forgotten her bag at the Gryffindor table. She paused on the steps and checked her watch again. It was too late to go back for it, she would just have to hope no one took it and grab it after double Potions lecture.

She hurried down the rest of the way but paused once again outside of Slughorn's classroom. She took a few deep, calming breaths and entered. She knew that Severus was already in the room, she seemed to sense it somehow. Her heartbeat picked up. Lily knew from years of friendship that he would be sitting all the way in the front. Most of the class was already seated, but there was an empty table towards the back that Lily made a beeline for. _Sit as far away from him as possible._

She sat quietly, eyes carefully trained at the empty table before her. She tried to convince herself that if she didn't see him he wasn't there and repeated the words like a mantra. Her legs bounced manically, nearly shaking, and her fingers were tapping out a rapid beat. Her stomach was completely in knots, but _if she didn't see him he wasn't there._

She looked up in surprise to see James sit down beside her. "Potter." She said his name as a question. Lily watched as Sirius walked in and sat at a table with a pretty Slytherin girl. "You're not sitting with him?" She motioned to the other Marauder. She was speaking through clenched teeth. She knew that if she opened her mouth they would start chattering, following the rhythm of her legs.

"No, we figured some time apart might be good. But don't worry, sweetheart, no one's getting a divorce." James winked. Lily's hackles raised at the pet name. "'Sides I had to bring you this." He added, holding up her bag for her.

"Thanks." She bit out. She took it from him and pulled out a quill and parchment.

"You ran out pretty quickly from lunch."

"Mm." Lily responded, not willing to say anymore.

"Marlene also said you didn't eat much. So I brought you this." He pulled out a banana from his robes. She took it and placed it down in front of her.

"Everything alright?" He asked, looking at Lily with concern.

"Just fine." She mumbled. She looked up, her gaze accidentally catching the one thing she didn't want to see. Severus's dark hair seemed to taunt her at the front of the room. Her stomach rolled uneasily. What happened to her mantra if she _did_ see him? She pondered darkly.

"Really? Because your legs haven't stopped moving since I sat down." James smiled, nodding down to the culprits.

She stopped moving them. "I'm fine." She snapped. "Why do you care anyway?" She felt guilty the minute it came out of her mouth, he had done nothing wrong.

"Merlin, sorry." James said. He was hurt, once again reminded by exactly how low of an opinion the Head Girl had of him. He had evidently done a lot more damage than originally expected. He sighed and pulled out his parchment to prepare to take notes.

Though, what James didn't seem to realize was that it wasn't his fault. Lily's outburst had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her. She was just terrified. She didn't want to be here in this room. With _that boy._ All she wanted to do was leave, lock herself in her room, and wait there until the end of class. But she couldn't.

"Listen, Potter, I—" Lily began quietly, but at that moment Slughorn called for the class to quiet so as to begin, and James never heard her.

Lily could barely pay attention the rest of class. She was completely restless. Her legs had started their furious movement again and Lily couldn't seem to stop them like she had before. Her thoughts went round in circles. She was focusing only on how close she sat to her former-best-friend-turned-literal-nightmare. Occasionally her guilt would break through and she thought about how she should apologize to James. Yet, when class let out and Lily saw the snake's head begin to turn towards her, she darted out of the room. All thoughts of speaking to James flying out of her head. Her new mantra now being _'get away, get away'_.

In a desperate attempt to burn off some nervous energy, Lily went for a run. It seemed to work. The more time she put between herself and the Potions class, the calmer she felt. By the time dinner came about Lily had, through very wilful mental avoidance, almost entirely forgotten about the incident.

Lily invited herself to the Gryffindor dorms after dinner to spend the rest of the evening with her friends. She had said that once the semester started to pick up, they would rarely have time to do this but Lily also didn't want to be alone at the moment. She wasn't entirely sure how long she could steer clear of her thoughts.

With Marley and Em, the three girls set up camp on the couches in the common area while Alice headed upstairs to write to Frank. They chatted casually about their first day of classes, which naturally led them to boys, which then led them to Professor Trodaire.

The consensus around the Gryffindor dinner table that evening seemed to be that he was an exciting new replacement to their old professor. He seemed tough but fair, and he was definitely going to be a challenge. Yet, he seemed to be one of those rare teachers who was brutally hard, but everyone seemed to like even if they were failing. A few of the other Gryffindor girls who had joined in their conversation had also pointed out that he was very easy on the eyes.

Eventually, the girls headed upstairs and Lily noted wistfully that her four poster had disappeared. She lay down on Emmeline's, watching as the other girls busied themselves with getting ready for bed. Emmeline and Lily were left alone as the other girls drew the curtains around their beds and turned in for the night.

"So, I've been thinking about Black recently." Em stated casually.

"Sirius?" Lily asked in disbelief, knowing what Emmeline's 'thinking' was about.

"No. Regulus, the fifth year. I think he'd be quite a catch." Emmeline replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes. She rolled onto her back and began to throw her quaffle-shaped pillow up and down. "Obviously, Sirius."

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Lily asked carefully.

"Well, I don't think it's a particularly _bad_ one."

"Hm." Lily was dismayed, she didn't feel entirely comfortable about it. However, since she couldn't figure out why exactly, she stayed quiet.

"Just thought I'd share." Emmeline shrugged, tossing up the quaffle pillow again and letting it fall back down.

They sat in a comfortable silence. Lily had found one of Emmeline's old Quidditch magazines on the ground and was lazily flipping through it, though she had no real interest in the sport. She did like the pictures though. After all these years she was still fascinated at how brilliantly simple magic could be.

They heard a knock at the door. "Hello? Erm, is Lily in there?" Em and Lily looked at each other strangely.

"Remus?" Lily called out.

"May I c-come in?" Lily looked to Emmeline again before flicking the door open with her wand. Remus stood in the doorway, swaying uncertainly. He wore a shabby looking pair of checked pyjama bottoms, a faded t-shirt of the Welsh Quidditch team, and one of a large collection of over-sized knit cardigans that he always seemed to wear if he wasn't in school robes no matter the weather.

"Lily. Hello." Remus said. His eyes were glassy and he was speaking very slowly, as if his words wouldn't work right if he tried normally. Which they likely wouldn't, because Remus Lupin was completely intoxicated.

"Remus, are you drunk?" Lily asked incredulously.

"It seems as if I am," he slurred. Even drunk, Remus always had his dry humour, "and I do believe I am in need of your assistance."

Lily laughed before rolling off of Emmeline's bed. She said her goodbye to the girl before walking over to Remus. With a steadying hand on his shoulder, she guided him out of the room and shut the door behind her.

"What is it that you need, Remus?" She asked. "And, for that matter, how did you get into the Girl's dormitory?"

"Back entrance." Remus shrugged simply. "I need you to take James back to your room, if you wouldn't mind terribly. If you would kindly meet me in the Boy's room…." Remus shooed her towards the stairs before he turned away, presumably heading towards the 'back entrance'.

Lily sighed, already dreading the experience. If rational-minded Remus was any measure to the state the others were in, this was going to be something. However, she figured that this was better than the alternative. She could already imagine Sirius and James drunkenly stumbling down the halls and getting into all sorts of trouble with Filch and any other wandering professors.

The Head Girl walked down the girl's staircase and then promptly headed to the left, taking the boy's stairs all the way up to the 7th year rooms. Lily had only been on the boy's side a handful of times, mostly to grab notes from Remus. Lily knocked lightly before entering. The boy's room was nearly identical to the girl's, except for the fact that every surface was covered in clothing. The walls, too, were covered in various Quidditch posters and it also had a very distinct smell of boy.

Lily took in the boys themselves, Peter was passed out on what was presumably his bed, lying on top of a heaping pile of clothes. Sirius and James were sitting in the corner drunkenly arguing over what Lily realized was a very messy game of exploding snap.

"You can't just declare winner, Sirius!"

"Why not? The Queen declared herself ruler of this entire bloody country and no one seemed to mind!"

"You don't even know her name, how are you so certain she just 'declared herself ruler'?"

"I do know her name! It's Elizabeth, Petey told me at lunch." Sirius grinned smugly. Lily let out a bark of laughter, which they didn't hear. Apparently, too caught up in their argument.

"Well, it's the principle of the thing! There are _rules_ to this game!"

"The principle of the thing!" Sirius mimicked, "Listen to yourself! Starting to sound like a right proper swot. Evans has really gotten under your skin." Lily's eyebrows shot up at that.

Remus burst into the room at that moment. "Lily's here!" he announced grandly. "Got a bit lost." He whispered to her.

James and Sirius's heads popped up to look at them. "Lily?" James called back, surprised to see the red head in his rooms. His _former_ rooms, he drunkenly corrected. His gaze shot nervously over to her, and then to Sirius who didn't seem to look guilty at all despite the fact that Lily had most certainly heard him call her a swot. She just seemed amused, James smiled in relief.

"I've been told you need an escort back to your rooms…our rooms." The girl in question explained, an amused smile still on her face. "Shall we? Or do you need help getting to the door as well?" She joked, there was no malice in her tone but James still frowned.

He got up and made his way carefully over to her. "I don't like that you think so lily of me, Little." He scrunched his face and took a deep breath before trying again "Little of me, Lily." He repeated, enunciating each word carefully. Lily felt a twinge of guilt.

She didn't say anything as they walked slowly down the stairs into the, thankfully empty, Gryffindor common room. Lily went before him, looking back often to make sure he wouldn't fall and crack his head open on a step. When Lily reached the bottom she turned, James missed the last step and stumbled into her.

He used her shoulders to right himself. "There is a step there." He observed.

"There is indeed."

"Bes' do to 'member that. So you don't trip nex' time, Evans." He replied sagely, giving her a very pointed look.

She opened her mouth to protest. Meaning to reply that it was not, in fact, she who should be watching out for said step. James then broke and smiled his signature crooked grin at her. So instead, she laughed.

"Watch your step." She warned as they climbed out of the portrait hole and entered into the hallway.

"I got it. Thanks, _Mum_." He said, scrambling out of the hole. Lily laughed again, perhaps it was the pure ridiculousness of it all—Lily Evans was escorting a _drunk_ James Potter back to their rooms. She wouldn't have imagined that for a million years. Or perhaps it was because drunk James Potter was _funny_. Goofy, really, was more like it. Though he was teasing her, the familiar twinge of annoyance that Lily was accustomed to feeling was missing.

The portrait of the Fat Lady swung shut behind them, grumpily muttering about randy teenagers and godforsaken hours.

"So tell me why you're getting drunk on a Monday night?"

"Tradition." James shrugged. Lily waited for him to continue. "Been doin' it since third. First school night o' term. We drink." He stated. His lilting accent was thicker when he was drunk, similar to Marlene. The musical tones that he had picked up from his childhood in the North became more pronounced. It happened when the two of them got angry as well. Though, it was very rare that James Potter got angry. Despite having riled Lily countless times, James generally had kept a cool head. He had found their fighting more of a game than anything else. The only times Lily had heard the boy's Scottish brogue well and truly emerge was when his friends were threatened.

Lily personally liked the lilting Scottish accent much more than her own, something about it seemed much more comforting and musical. When she had told Marlene exactly that, the girl had joked that it was her roots calling to her, tugging on Lily's red mane.

"You've been drinking since _third_ year?" Lily gasped. She wasn't even sure she knew what alcohol _was_ in third year.

He chuckled "It was our firs' time. Seventh years ga'e us one cuppa firewhiskey each. I puked." He frowned at the memory.

Lily tried to imagine little third year James trying his first taste of alcohol and promptly running to the bathroom to vomit it all back up. As gross as the thought was, Lily found it wildly funny. She laughed.

"Just one?" She asked, trying to muffle her giggles with her palm.

"Hey!" He cried. "Not funny. 'Sides, if I remember correctly, your first flirtation with alcohol didn't go so well either." He pouted. Lily stopped laughing immediately, cringing as she remembered her first time drinking.

"That was totally your fault." She pointed out.

"Ne'er said it wasn't." He slurred. "I jus' said it didn't go so well."

"Well, that's what happens when you dare a fourth year to chug eight pints of butterbeer in a row." She shuttered at the memory.

"You didn't have to take me up on the offer." He defended.

"Right, so I could get a big red 'pansy' written across my forehead like Peter."

"Rules are rules, Evans." He ran a hand casually through his hair, stumbling to his right a bit.

"You made up the game yourself!" She exclaimed. Yet, again, instead of feeling any annoyance as she usually would, she laughed. _Perhaps James should be drunk all the time._ She thought.

He held his hands out in resignation.

"We should be quiet. There might be professors around." Lily realized suddenly.

"What're they gonna do to us? We're both 'eads. 'Sides, if we run in ta any professors or Filch." James said his name like a curse "you can jus' do all the talkin'." At his words, the badge suddenly didn't feel like a burden to Lily. James was right, there was nothing anyone could do to them. They were practically untouchable. She smiled, finally feeling a tiny bit like the badge was the reward it was meant to be.

"So, how much did you drink tonight?"

"A lot more than one." James slurred. "And not jus' firewhiskey, either."

"Like what?"

"Sirius has gotten very into mixing muggle liquor."

Lily grimaced. That did not sound good. "Anything I've heard of."

"Ever heard of a Mexican Almond Surprise?" Lily shook her head. "Neither had I." James grimaced. "It's tequila, and amaretto…"

"Ew" Lily replied, wincing.

"You haven't heard the surprise part yet. Martini olive juice."

Lily spluttered. "How could he possibly think that was a good idea?"

"He's an 'innovator'" James replied with a shrug, air-quoting Sirius's word for himself.

"He's an idiot." Lily corrected, shaking her head.

"That too." He shrugged again. "We're here." James motioned to the portrait that guarded their dorm.

"Truce." Lily uttered, and the door swung open.

James tripped suddenly, his balance completely gone. "Alright, let's get you to bed." Lily sighed, wrapping a hand around his waist to steady him. His arm fell heavily over her shoulders.

"Evans, if you wanna sleep wit' me, all you had to do was say the word." He replied cheekily.

Lily rolled her eyes, once again wondering why she didn't feel annoyed by that. She opens his door carefully and turns to stand with her back facing his bed, so that she can address him straight on.

"Take off your pants." She says, all business. If there was one thing Lily Evans had learned from her drunken nights it was that falling asleep with pants on was one of the most miserable experiences in the world.

"You firs'." He suggested, wiggling his eyebrows jokingly. James tripped, falling straight into the red head. Lily, who had taken an automatic step back, caught the bedframe with her heel. She lost balance herself and fell back onto the mattress. James's heavy frame fell directly on top of her.

"Oof." Lily sounded as all the air was pushed from her lungs. "Gerroff!" She yelled.

He rolled off of her quickly. "Lily, I—" He began apologetically but stopped when he heard a peal of laughter come from the girl beside him. He let out one laugh, and then he, too, was laughing. They both lay there for a few minutes in an attempt to compose themselves.

When their laughter died down, Lily sat up. "Alright, I think I'm officially done for the night." She stood, shaking her head and looking up at the ceiling. She walked over to the door of their shared bathroom. "G'night, Potter."

"Sweet dreams, Lily." He replied, already half-asleep.

As Lily readied herself for bed she once again remarked at how strange it was that her anger, nearly always present in the vicinity of James, had been strangely absent. Perhaps it was because he was drunk, as she had thought earlier, and perhaps it was because she didn't hear any real malice in his words.

Though, if she were to be totally honest with herself, she hadn't heard any real malice in his tone for the past few days. Not since they had started this truce of theirs. He hadn't sought her out for the sole purpose of a fight. Nor did he say anything cruel to her. Perhaps, she thought, James Potter really was changing.

* * *

 **A/N Any thoughts? How do you like all the characters so far? Let me know, I'm open to your ideas!**

 **PS sorry for any typos**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: nothing is exactly how much I own**

 **A/N: I'm back, I know it's been a little while! I'll be sure to post another chapter soon to make up for my lateness! Anyway, as always please send me any and all feedback, I really love to hear what you all think!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 8**

The next morning, James rolled out of bed with a pounding headache and an uneasy gut. He stumbled into the bathroom and prepared for school in a daze. He wished more than anything that he could skip this entire day and just huddle under his covers until all the bad feelings went away.

As he exited his room, he saw a mane of red hair peeking up from behind the couch. He groaned as he remembered his drunken walk home with Lily. The girl looked up at the noise and wordlessly handed him a bright orange vial of potion with a sympathetic look.

He chugged it down, breathing in relief as he felt the familiar effects of the pepper up potion alleviate his headache and settle his stomach. He once again sent a silent thank you to his father for the useful little potion.

"Thanks." He acknowledged, surprised that she would be so thoughtful. Together, they began to walk out the door.

"No need to thank me. I'm only doing it so that you'll make it to the prefects meeting tonight, so it's entirely self-serving." She informed him with a grin.

"Ugh. I'd totally forgotten about that." He groaned, rubbing his face and running a hand through his hair in a desperate attempt to make it settle.

"I figured." Lily smirked.

"Can we reschedule?" Lily arched her eyebrow at him.

"Some people would say that you're not taking this job very seriously." She commented.

"Would you?" He tested, recognizing the words she had said to him only a few days previously.

She paused for a moment and gave him a look, letting him sweat for a minute before answering. "No."

 _Progress._ He smiled to himself, relieved.

"But we're not rescheduling." She added, James groaned.

"Slave driver." He muttered. Then, he looked over cautiously at Lily to see if that had upset her. He saw her mouth twitch up into a smile. It seemed that, today at least, the two had fallen into a careful friendship.

They walked the rest of the way to the dining hall. James desperately tried to remember what had happened last night when she'd brought him back. Bits and pieces came back, but there was still no clear picture.

"You're in an oddly good mood today." He said carefully, hoping that by bringing it up he hadn't ruined it.

"I suppose I am." Lily smiled secretly.

"Care to share some of it? Because I could definitely use some."

"Now, now, Potter, wouldn't want to rub off too much on you. What would Sirius think?"

Old James would have responded that she could rub off as much as she wanted if it was for him and winked lecherously. New James wisely repressed the response and instead cocked an eyebrow at her in confusion.

She smirked in response but said no more.

They entered the Great Hall. Lily walked with James towards his seat, and then turned down the table a bit to go to her friends.

Before she left, she leaned down and whispered "Eat some toast. I need you in prime form for later. Can't have a repeat of last night." She grabbed a berry from in front of him and popped it in her mouth before walking away.

James looked up at her retreating figure in shock. Had Lily Evans just flirted with him? No, it wasn't possible. It couldn't be—

"What was that all about, Prongs?" Peter asked.

And then the memories of last night came back to him.

From down the table, he heard the sounds of four girls cackling madly.

"Oh Merlin." James groaned miserably, his head falling into his hands.

* * *

"I can't do the Monday rounds." The seventh year Slytherin prefect called out. Her hand was raised but neither Lily nor James had called on her before she started speaking. "Honestly, I can really only do the Wednesday night assigned to Lily and Mortimer or the Thursday night with Remus and Xander." The girl continued, still not bothering to be called on.

The ten students sat in a cramped classroom that had been designated for the prefect meetings. James and Lily had gone over some introductory materials, most of which they had already talked about on the train. They had already received, and dutifully distributed, a copy of Filch's first revision of his master list of forbidden materials and 'dark objects' (among the dark objects was whoopee cushions, so Lily had a hard time taking much of it seriously).

"I can't switch that night. Monday is completely locked for me." Xander, the sixth year Ravenclaw, puts in from his chair on the opposite side of the room.

"Alright." Lily sighed, looking down at her copy of the schedule. The draft that James had created was nearly perfect, they had gotten no other complaints until this one. Lily had almost hoped to be done with it. The fluffy ruby comforter waiting in her rooms seemed to be taking up a good portion of Lily's thoughts. "Well, I want Mortimer to work with someone who knows what they're doing, since he's a newbie." Lily said, mostly to herself.

"So, me and Remus then?" James suggested nonchalantly, trying to hide the smile that was tugging at the corners of his lips.

James, noticing Lily wasn't paying attention, shot his crooked smile in Remus's direction. The marauder chose to roll his eyes in between his silent laughter.

"Hell will literally need to freeze over before I give you two total power and free reign of the school grounds." Lily retorted, barely looking up from the paper on the desk in front of her. She scribbled a small note in the margins.

"So that just leaves you and me, then." James stated, arching his eyebrow and challenging Lily to take back her decision of he and Remus working together.

She huffed. "I suppose it does." She looked down to make a note of it on her paper.

"Does anyone have a problem with that?" James posed to the group before him. He shot one more glance at Lily, just daring her to object. They shook their heads and the Head Girl beside him stayed silent. "I suppose that does it then. You're free."

"Thank you for your patience!" Lily called after them as the prefects hurriedly walked out the door of the claustrophobic room.

"So, partner. Ready for Monday?" James asked with a crooked grin, following her out the door.

Lily muttered something and shook her head exasperatedly.

* * *

Classes passed with little affair the rest of the week. By the end of it, Lily was able to sit in Potions without incessantly jiggling her legs. She believed it was a marked improvement. James, who had made it a regular point to sit beside her, commented on it as well.

Lily awoke very abruptly Saturday morning. Her wand humming and vibrating very annoyingly under her pillow, jerking her unwillingly from her dreams. She found herself reaching to switch it off, prepared to fall back asleep. She shook herself awake. No, she had promised Alice she would come support her at the Gryffindor Quidditch try-out, and Lily Evans was nothing if not a woman of her word.

She grumpily rolled out from under her blankets, wishing whatever devil had scheduled these would fall into a pit of…something bad. Evidently, Lily's brain was not very creative with insults this early in the morning.

She sleepily changed into jeans and one of Remus's sweaters he had given her. It was maroon and gold knit that needed to be cuffed at the sleeves and hung down to mid-thigh. When Remus had discovered in third year that Lily owned no Gryffindor apparel nor had she gone to a Quidditch game since first year, he insisted she take it and marched her to every Quidditch game possible.

Yawningly, she stepped out into the common room. Her gaze flicked over to the large bay window. She had to admit, sunrise was very beautiful. Though she could think of about eight even more beautiful things she could access from the comfort of her bed.

"Lily." James greeted from the couch, surprised to see the girl up so early. "What are you doing up?" He had been studying some sort of hand drawn chart.

"Cheering on Alice at try-outs. What bastard decided that seven in the morning was a good time for this thing, anyway?" She yawned.

James chuckled. "Erm…this bastard." He gestured down to the full Quidditch uniform he was wearing. He had been up for nearly an hour already, too excited to sleep and had been studying new Quidditch plays he had developed over the summer. Sirius and Peter had been his test subjects for each and every one. That is, when they were willing to put up with losing to James. As it turned out, James was some sort of Quidditch prodigy and not terribly fun to play against.

"Add that to the list of why Lily Evans thinks James Potter is a complete and utter toe-rag." Lily muttered, mostly to herself.

"What?"

"I said you're a toe-rag, Potter." She clarified sleepily.

He smiled. The careful friendship that they had established on Tuesday morning had lasted the entire week, much to both their surprise. Their friends knew it was only a matter of time before the two of them actually got on, they were more similar than they cared to admit. Both were essentially easy-going people, except when those they cared about were threatened. When the threat was removed by their agreement, the underlying tension that had caused all the animosity between them disappeared. Yet, no one had ever guessed that only five days into it they would be this far along. Lily, for all of her virtues, was incredibly stubborn and James had always been a bit thick-headed about how to act around her.

Lily herself was terrified at how easily she found herself slipping into it. The fear of how quickly she was forgetting all the walls she had carefully built up over the years was always nagging at the back of her mind. James, on the other hand, still felt as if he were walking on egg shells around the Head Girl. She was a bomb that could go off at any misplaced word or unwanted glance. Despite this, things had definitely been looking up for James. Both were hesitant to say this would last, but for the time being, it looked promising.

He had to admit, she looked very cute in her half-asleep, grumpy morning state. Add to that her oversized Gryffindor apparel and the fact that she was waking up to watch Quidditch…James shook the thought away before it could finish. _No. That's over with._ He reminded himself. _Friends, Prongs. Just friends._

"C'mon. I think you might need a strong cup of tea." He gave her a critical look once more. "Or maybe coffee." He decided.

They walked down to breakfast together, Lily sleepily chastising him about the evils of 7 am. She waxed on about the virtues of 8AM or, even better, noon. When they reached the Gryffindor table, Alice squealed excitedly. Emmeline was sitting at the other end of the table. She was chatting happily with all the other players of the Gryffindor team. All, Lily noticed, wearing the same uniform as James.

James guided Lily to her seat. Her eyes still only half mast, he poured her a cup of steaming coffee and pouring in some cream, just as he knew she preferred.

"An apology from the bastard toe-rag." He said, placing it in her hands then sauntering away to join his team mates.

Alice looked at Lily strangely, her excited squeals gone. Before she could comment, Lily spoke up. "What type of bullshit is seven anyway?" She asked Alice, taking a big gulp from the mug in her hands.

Lily walked Alice down to the field, attempting to tell the girl encouraging things to calm her nerves. Once they reached the pitch, Lily hugged Alice and wished her luck once more before turning to sit in the stands.

Lily was surprised to see how many people had turned out for this. There was a large group of Gryffindor, as to be expected. Many of them looked as miserable as Lily, since they were likely there for the same reason of friendship obligations. There were also, to Lily's surprise, a smattering of Hufflepuffs and a couple Ravenclaws milling about the stands.

Lily looked around in dismay, wondering if there was anyone she could sit with. She knew from experience that Quidditch wasn't her forte, and she couldn't imagine Quidditch try outs were all that riveting either. She liked having someone to sit next to so that she could talk during the dull moments, and someone who could explain what was going on. She caught the eye of Remus sitting in the stands and happily made her way towards him.

"Good Morning, Lily." He greeted her.

"Not good." Lily replied. Although she was now fully awake, she was still very much grumpy about having to wake up.

Remus smiled and handed her the large cup of tea he had been holding. It was still warm from a charm he had placed on it.

"Bless you, Remus." She rested her lips on the rim, letting the steam rise to her face before taking a sip.

"Nice sweater." He smiled wryly, plucking one of the loose threads on the arm. She swatted his hand away and watched as his eyes shifted to gold and then back to green.

"Whoa. I don't think I've ever seen your eyes do that before."

"Oh…sorry." He apologized awkwardly. "It's just…with the full moon so close, my symptoms get worse."

"No harm done." She smiled reassuringly at him "Is it…does it hurt? The symptoms, I mean. I know the change must be excruciating." She looked up at him sympathetically.

"Not really, it depends on the month. It's definitely better at Hogwarts with—" He stopped suddenly. He had about to say with Sirius and James and Peter there to keep him company.

"With what?" Lily urged.

"Oh, you know…" He struggled to think of an excuse. To Remus's immense relief, James blew the whistle and addressed the small crowd of players before him. Lily strained to hear what he said, only catching a few words. She watched as a few people took off on their brooms, Alice among them.

Lily stood up and cheered loudly for her petite friend.

She watched as her friend zipped around the field. She wasn't entirely sure what Alice was meant to be doing, but she looked good whatever it was. Or, she _seemed_ to look good. At times Alice was going so fast all Lily could see was a blur.

In her observance of the try-outs, Lily also noticed how James changed on the field. His posture was straight and confident. He seemed to be treating all players fairly, but firmly. He let all hopefuls have a fair chance to prove themselves, but also wasn't afraid about telling them to get off the field. He seemed, Lily realized, like a natural born leader.

Lily couldn't help but think that perhaps there had been a method to Dumbledore's madness in choosing James as Head Boy. There was no doubt that he had the respect of many of his peers at Hogwarts, though Merlin knew why. And it seemed that he did well in leadership positions, Lily could see the evidence right in front of her, hovering on a broom. Yet, she still couldn't possibly fathom _why_ , of all the brilliant witches and wizards at Hogwarts, the old headmaster had chosen her as Head Girl. What in Merlin's name was so special about _her_? Because she certainly didn't know.

Lily frowned, and Remus caught it. "What's wrong?" He probed, turning his attention from the game to search her face.

Lily sighed, she knew Remus wouldn't let go until she told him what was wrong and Lily couldn't think of a lie she could plausibly sell to him. "It's, well, whether I like it or not, Potter is a natural leader. People, for Merlin knows why, seem to _listen_ to him. I can see _maybe_ why he was _possibly…_ made Head Boy. I'll kill you if you tell anyone I said that." She threatened. "But, why in Merlin's name am I Head Girl? I'm no role model, people don't follow me around and make moon eyes at me. I'm just an average muggle-born witch trying her best." She pouted.

"Right, because your 'best' is so terrible." Remus replied sarcastically. "And you _are_ a muggle-born witch, who has done extraordinary things in a not so ideal position. That's nothing to be scoffed at. And if you want, I'll make _moon_ eyes at you" He winked, making his eyes shift to gold momentarily and grinned goofily at his own pun.

Lily laughed. "You're such a flirt, Remus Lupin." She teased.

They both turned their attention back to the game, not saying much more than 'bloody hell did you see that?' or 'that was freaking brill!' from Remus and 'was that a good thing?' and 'is it over _now_?' from Lily.

The two walked back to the castle together, not bothering to wait for the others as they were taking their time to shower and change. They entered the castle and were greeted with cool air. Lily shivered and untying her sweater from her waist, pulled it back over her head. She had taken it off earlier as the morning sun had begun to beat directly down on them.

At the end of the hall, Lily spotted two boys and her heart dropped suddenly as she recognized them. Ignis Zabini was speaking to Regulus Black in low tones, standing very close to the boy. Their posture seemed to suggest that it was a conversation that wasn't meant to be heard by anyone passing by. Regulus shifted slightly and revealed a third boy with them, Severus.

Ignis looked up when he heard the footsteps of Remus and Lily approaching. A wicked smile crawled slimly onto his lips as he recognized the Head Girl. She could see his canines peeking out of his mouth

Before she knew what was happening, Lily's vision tunnelled and she could feel the familiar symptoms of her anxiety attacks set in. She turned around and ran, not caring that she didn't make excuses to Remus. Not caring that Ignis had likely seen and was laughing at her in cruel amusement. Not caring that Severus…not caring about him at all. Not anymore.

Lily ran blindly, trying to get far enough away and in a secluded enough area before the attack began in earnest. She ran until she couldn't run anymore. Out of the castle and back down onto the Hogwarts grounds. She stopped at the edge of the lake, falling down and putting her head between her knees to steady her breathing.

She stayed like that for nearly half an hour, concentrating solely on her breathing and successfully staving off a full blown panic attack.

Shakily, she picked herself up and headed towards the castle. She hurried straight to her own rooms, locking herself inside and not emerging for the rest of the day.

Lily fell into a fitful sleep that night, unable to get Zabini's dark look out of her head. It replayed again and again in her head, as if on a loop. The way his lips had cruelly turned up at the edges, the way his dark eyes had sparkled in laughter.

Then she was running, running. Desperately trying to get away from that smile, but no matter how fast she ran it was always right behind her. It morphed into words. Those same cruel words that she had been taunted with her entire life, reminding her that she was dirt. That she was nothing.

 _Mudblood, Mudblood, Mudblood_ it chanted. It sounded like a drumbeat, a drumbeat that began to drown out all other noise until it was louder, louder, _louder._

Lily started, jerking up from her bed. Her sheets had wrapped themselves around her legs and her clothes were stuck to her body by the sheen of sweat. Her breathing was laboured. A loud, insistent banging resounded in her room. The drumbeats had followed her into consciousness, she thought for a moment, her heart filling with dread.

 _Where are they coming from?_ She wondered.

"Lily! Lily, open up!" She heard a muffled voice yell. She turned to the bathroom door where, she realized, a loud banging noise sounded. _They were just knocks._ She thought, relief flooded through her.

"Why won't this damn thing open?" She heard James mutter as he tried the door handle again. She had spelled it shut after the day she realized they had shared the bathroom, making sure it would only open for her.

Lily kicked the sheets off her legs and got out of bed, turning the knob on the door to let James in. "What?" She dead-panned. Part of her was annoyed that James felt he could just wake her up in the middle of the night. The other part was relieved, she had forgotten how terrible the nightmares were. How paralyzing they could be.

"Are you ok?" He demanded, barging in. His wand was ablaze.

Her annoyance with him disappeared immediately, morphing into fear. Did he know? Had she said anything in her sleep? Why hadn't she set a bloody silencing charm?

Why did he have to be so concerned for her?

"Of course I am! What are you doing?" She exclaimed, watching as James overturned a pile of clothes as if searching for something.

"I heard whimpering. And screaming." Lily blanched. "Was that you?" He asked, taking in her sudden paleness.

"It was nothing." She mumbled. She wrapped her arms protectively around herself and looked down at her feet.

"It didn't sound like nothing." He remarked, searching her features in the dim light his wand made.

Lily stared at him desperately. She begged him silently to leave it be, to get out of her room and leave it alone. It wasn't his burden to carry.

"I won't push. But I just want you to know…" _I know what this is about._ He finished silently. Recognizing the look on her face though, he sighed before saying out loud, "I'm here if you need anything." He searched her face for a moment before walking towards the bathroom.

"Wonderful. That's exactly what I want to hear coming from you." Lily snorted, trying not to act as shaken as she felt. He was crazy if he thought she would share any of this with him. She hadn't wanted to talk about it then, and she certainly hadn't wanted to talk about it now. The time had long passed and she'd been dealing with it on her own just fine, thank you.

James winced, as she shut the door behind him. He once more heard the echo of Lily's words ringing through his head. _Damn you, James Potter. Damn you._

Who was he fooling? How could he pretend to act like everything was normal when he knew exactly what was going on? When he knew exactly that everything was the exact opposite of _ok_? He had been there, for Merlin's sake! He had _been there_ and he hadn't stopped it. He turned suddenly and slammed his fist into the wall next to his door frame. Once again, the guilt he had tried so hard to let go of, to push away, came flooding back. He had hoped, a delusional hope he now knew, that perhaps Lily had forgotten it herself. He was wrong. Lily was one of the strongest people he knew. Yet, there was no amount of strength that could allow a person to overcome in a short few months the things that she had gone through. The things he had _let_ her go through.

James thought back to the past week of tentative friendship they'd had. He didn't deserve any of it, he thought miserably. He didn't deserve a damn bit of it. He deserved every insult, every sharp look, and every hex that she threw at him. As he had done nearly every one of his sleepless nights since the incident, James spent the rest of the night replaying the same memory in his head over and over again and thinking of every possible thing he could have done differently.

At four in the morning, still unable to sleep, James got out of bed. His frustrations and self-pity had wired him with a frantic energy and he needed to _move._ He dressed warmly, knowing well what the 5AM chill felt like. He slipped out of the castle relying on only his senses since both the cloak and the map had been left with the other boys. He sped quietly down to the Quidditch pitch, summoning his broom and mounting it.

In seconds, he was climbing high into the air. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the ever-present snitch and let it loose. It took a moment to shake out its wings before zipping off. He chased after it, searching the air for the tell-tale glint of gold in the moonlight. He breathed deep, taking a moment to appreciate his now-empty mind. His thoughts replaced instead by adrenaline.

He flew like that for hours. The field was like a meditation to him, calming his mind and letting his worries drift away.

Before he knew it, the sun was rising. He dismounted, drenched in sweat, and held out his hand for the snitch to fly into. He flicked the broom back into the shed with his wand and trotted back up to his rooms.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I'd have a lot more traveling money if I owned anything**

 **A/N: back again! I've been in a bit of a slump lately with my writing, but I've been trying to make a conscious effort to push through for y'all (I'm not southern, but I've always really enjoyed throwin' around y'all)! So, I hope you enjoy and I'll try to get the creativity juices flowing again ;)**

* * *

Chapter 9

Monday morning found Sirius sitting alone with Marlene and Alice at the breakfast table.

"Wotcher." He greeted, slipping into the seat across from the two girls.

"'Lo, Black." Marlene replied, looking up and expecting to find at least two other marauders close behind him. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Where's your better halves?" She asked.

"Technically, it's thirds since there's two of them." Sirius replied, receiving a dark look from Marlene. "Moony's having a bit of a lie in and Wormy has, once again, slept through his alarm." Sirius shrugged, buttering some toast.

"You didn't think to wake him?" Alice asked, looking up from _The Daily Prophet_ in her hands.

Sirius shook his head and sighed dramatically. "He's just so cute when he's sleeping. I hate to disturb him."

Alice rolled her eyes and returned back to her article.

"And Prongsy…" Sirius continued, "well, you know as well as I do, McKinnon. Likely in that _den_ of his with Evans."

"You make it sound so dirty, Black." Marlene replied, rolling her eyes as well.

"Isn't it, though? Two young, single people in the prime of their life, totally unsupervised. _Sharing a bathroom._ " He whispered scandalously.

"They're _Heads,_ you ponce. Besides, Lily would never." Alice said, looking up once again from her paper.

"I dunno, Prongs is laying down some very nice groundwork. You wait, this time next term only one of those bedrooms is going to be used." Sirius predicted, smiling lecherously at the small girl.

"You're disgusting." She replied, shaking her head and returning once again to the paper.

"D'you really think James will last with this whole no pranking thing?" Marlene asked, drawing Sirius's attention away from provoking poor Alice any further.

"You can take the mischief away from the man, but you can't take the man away from the mischief." Sirius riddled, shaking his head sadly.

"What does that even mean!? 'Take the mischief away from the man'? Did someone tell James he had to stop pranking?" Marlene gaped.

"I said nothing of the sort." Sirius denied, but he nodded his head as if to say otherwise.

"Sirius! What happened? You have to tell me!" She yelled, drawing the attention of a few Hufflepuffs across the way.

"Oy! Moony, you look terrible!" Sirius called, suddenly distracted by an approaching Peter and Remus. Their arrival effectively signalled the end of the conversation, much to Marlene's dismay.

"Gee thanks." The boy replied, sliding in next to Marlene. Sirius was right, he looked pale and tense. "My aunt wrote, said she wants to see me soon. Not doing well." He explained, casting his gaze to Marlene and Alice before looking back to Sirius.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Remus." Marlene said. She began to reach out to pat his shoulder affectionately, but stopped when he flinched away from her. She pulled her hand back in shock.

"Morning everyone." Lily said, sliding in beside Sirius. She shot a concerned glance to Remus before wordlessly preparing him a plate of sausage and eggs. "Tuck in, Lupin." She prompted.

Remus shot her a pained smile before picking at the food with his fork.

"Where's Em?" Lily asked, turning to Marlene.

"She had a bit of a late night yesterday." The girl replied, smiling secretively at Lily. Lily nodded in understanding, smiling slightly and shaking her head. She glanced over at Sirius who, at the mention of Emmeline, seemed to prick his ears in interest.

"James?" Marlene asked, wondering where the Head Boy was.

Lily shrugged. "Dunno, he was out of the rooms before I woke up."

"And how'd you know that?" Sirius asked, wiggling his eyebrows at Marlene. She pursed her lips and shot the boy a dirty look.

"His door was open when I walked into the bathroom." Lily replied, her tone sounding more like a question as she watched the interaction between the two Gryffindors.

They dispersed to their various classes, Lily making the solitary trip to Charms. She had really come to dread what had previously been her favourite class. It wasn't as if the material had become less interesting to her or that she suddenly found that she couldn't stand Professor Flitwick. It was the fact that Mason _insisted_ on sitting beside her every class, flirting shamelessly and innocently finding different ways to touch her. She had never remembered him as being this persistent back _before_ they had dated last year. She remembered him being a very courteous and reserved boy, not terribly forward at all.

She sighed and sat in her customary place, no way was she letting the obnoxious Hufflepuff take that from her. Mason sat beside her, immediately asking her questions about her weekend and attempting a few, very obvious, segues to find out her plans for that night (he seemed a little _too_ eager, if you asked Lily). She kept her answers short and vague, thankful that she had an excuse for that night—rounds with James. Mason didn't seem happy to learn that and Lily found that, for once, she was happy to have James as an excuse.

Charms passed by painlessly, the lecture effectively preventing Mason from dissecting Lily's schedule any further. Once again, before Lily could protest, Mason picked up her belongings and walked her to Defence class.

"Hello, Remus. How're you feeling?" Lily asked gently, touching the boy's arm lightly.

Remus smiled tightly "'Lo, Lily." He said, his eyes narrowing as he saw Mason standing directly behind her. "Mason." He growled in greeting.

The Hufflepuff looked down to where Lily's hand rested on Remus and scowled. He didn't acknowledge Remus's greeting. Instead he slung an arm over her shoulder. "Here you are, Lily." Mason said, handing Lily her bag but not taking his eyes off of the werewolf. Lily attempted to step out from under his arm but he held her in place with a light squeeze.

She took her bag quickly, anxious to get inside the classroom. The tension was nearly palpable between the two men and Lily was nervous at what Remus might do to Mason with it being so close to the full moon.

Smirking at Remus, Mason reached out to tuck a strand of Lily's hair behind her ear. The sandy haired marauder growled and Lily jerked in surprise and stepped towards Remus, backing out from Mason's oppressively heavy arm. "Alright then, we best be getting inside. Bye, Mason!" She placed an encouraging hand on Remus's arm, attempting to guide him in.

"Have a good class, Lily-pad." Mason replied, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. Before he could reach her, Lily felt a hand wrap around her arm with bruising force and yank her away. Remus guided her to stand behind him. She looked up and Remus's eyes flashed yellow as he glared up at Mason, nearly snarling.

Before Remus could make any sound she shoved him inside the room. Once inside, Remus seemed to suddenly shift back into his normal self. His face drained of colour as he realized what he'd done. "Oh Merlin, Lily. I am so sorry."

"It's fine, Remus. Really." She replied, waving him off as they sat beside each other in the lecture room. And it was. She had been nervous, yes, but not for herself. She knew Remus wouldn't hurt her.

"No. Listen, that was totally unacceptable what I just did and I promise I would never hurt you. I just…I lose control sometimes."

"Of course you wouldn't, Remus! Don't be dense. From what I saw out there, I'm more worried of what would happen to you."

He shook his head in astonishment. "I can't believe you're not mad at me."

"Of course not!" Lily rolled her eyes. "I would ask that next time you try your hand at fisticuffs to protect my honour, you grab a little less forcefully." She teased, rubbing at the spot on her that he had grabbed.

He opened his mouth to apologize again. Lily held up a finger to stop him. "You're forgiven only if I'm allowed to still sit with you at lunch." She said, smiling.

He grinned back at her. "Of course."

* * *

Lily's monthly lunch date with Remus had begun back when she had found out about his condition. Despite the number of times Lily had tried to convince him that she was _totally fine_ with the whole thing, he had continued to apologize and make self-deprecating comments until Lily got totally fed up. The next moon, the last one before the end of their fourth year, she promptly got up from where she was sitting and sat herself down right next to Remus, despite the fact that he was surrounded by the marauders (i.e. her least favourite people).

She had declared "I finally get why you're called Moony, now!" and spent the rest of lunch keeping up a constant stream of terrible werewolf puns 'Slow down, Remus. No need to _wolf_ down your food.' or 'Nice new sweater, Lupin. Wool, isn't it? It suits you. For a wolf in sheep's clothes.' Until all the boys had broken down and started cackling. Remus was the loudest amongst them.

Unbeknownst to Lily, that was the same day that James realized he had a big, ridiculous crush on Lily Evans. Sirius had informed him later that James's crush had actually begun back in _first_ year, but James was too dense to realize it until that day. Though, James remarked, all that ridiculous 'peacocking' (as Remus insisted on calling it) in front of Evans did make sense.

Any girl that could accept Remus's condition, suck up any not-so-nice feelings she'd had towards the wolf's friends in order to make sure he knew she was ok with it, _and_ make the marauders laugh until pumpkin juice was leaking out of their nose (really just Sirius's nose. The boy always liked a good pun) was a girl that James Potter decided he needed in his life.

* * *

"Evans!" Sirius called out, sitting down across from her. "Your time of the month, already?" Lily reached over and punched him in the arm.

"Don't be a twat, Padfoot." Remus grumbled, giving the boy a stern look.

"Oh posh, Moony! Don't put on your grown up pants for Evans's sake." He turned to whisper conspiratorially to the red head. "He likes to pretend he's an adult when you're around. Really takes all the fun out of him." Sirius pouted at the lanky marauder.

Remus lobbed a spoonful of rice pudding at the boy, striking him square in the nose. "Fun enough for you?"

"Oh yes, Remus Lupin—adult extraordinaire." Lily rolled her eyes at the wolf.

Remus chuckled slightly as Sirius began howling with laughter.

"Thanks for the extra dessert, mate." Sirius winked. With his finger, he swiped the rice pudding off of his nose and into his mouth in one movement.

Lily's face scrunched up in disgust but she let out a laugh at the absurdity of it. Then, all three were laughing in a rare moment of unity.

Remus tensed suddenly and a low hum began at the back of his throat. Sirius looked up from across the table and his face became stony as well. Lily followed his gaze and saw Mason walking over to her table.

"'Lo, Lily-pad." He smiled widely as he reached her side, standing to her right on the other side of Remus. The wolf was now looking at him with a clenched jaw, his eyes flashing.

Lily turned to look if he was alright, and in her distraction, Mason sent a smirk over to Sirius as he leaned even closer to Lily's seated figure.

Sirius's fists clenched as he glared at the boy. Lily turned back and the smirk quickly fell from Mason's face.

"What is it, then?" Lily said tersely, not in the mood for yet another interaction with her ex.

"Well, I was…" He ruffled the back of his head in a calculated attempt to look bashful. "I was hoping we could talk." He smiled hopefully.

Remus growled lowly behind her. "I-I don't really think now's the best time." Lily said, silently pleading for Remus to calm down.

Mason smiled again, "Oh, I won't take very long." He reached out and touched her arm in an attempt to lead her away. Remus shot up from his seat and turned to face the intruding boy. His chest puffed and was rising and falling quickly with his tense breath. His nostrils flared dangerously and his eyes had darkened, the golden irises shaded by his furrowed brow. He looked just about ready to attack.

Lily looked up at him, and stood quickly to place herself between Mason and the young wolf. She attempted to block Remus from view partially, in hopes that Mason wouldn't see much out of the ordinary.

"Well, you see, Mason, I was actually just dropping in to say hello to these lads before I went to meet Slughorn before class. There were some things in last night's reading that I really wanted to go over with him and it was actually quite urgent since we have a practical this afternoon and well…" Lily rambled, grabbing her bag and successfully pushing Mason back towards the Hufflepuff table as she walked further from her own.

"Oh, well I…alright then, Lily. Another time." Mason nodded, bewildered by her babbling. He turned and headed off to his own table.

Lily turned back to Remus and saw that Sirius had come to sit next to him, rubbing his shoulders comfortingly and speaking in low tones. He caught Lily's eye and mouthed a 'thank you'. Lily responded with a small, concerned lift at the corner of her mouth.

She sighed as she headed out of the doors, running a hand through her hair in frustration.

 _Dammit._ She thought. She could have gotten Remus hurt, or even exposed. If she hadn't been sitting with the two marauders, Mason would never have come near him. She sighed, once again irritated with herself for not being more upfront with Mason and for nearly having caused Remus's outburst. How could she be so stupid?

* * *

Lily walked down to the dungeons, frustrated with both Mason and herself and going over everything that could have gone wrong. She had lied to Mason about needing to see Slughorn, but perhaps it was best that she went to pay him a visit. She had yet to stop in and see her favourite professor.

Her legs took her automatically down through the dungeons and to the broad oak door of the Potion Master's office. She knocked lightly, though she knew from experience that Slughorn would drop whatever it was he was doing to speak with her or with any of the Slug Club for that matter. The door swung open to reveal a deceptively luxurious office that was very much in contrast to the dreary dungeon corridor.

"Lily, Lily, please come in!" Slughorn called from his desk, not looking up from the parchment in his hands.

He waved grandly around the room, barely glancing up over his spectacles that had slid nearly to the tip of his nose. "Please, take a seat. I just need to, ah…finish…alright, yes that's it." He rolled up the paper. "I'm quite done." He said, smiling in a very fatherly way as the red head sat across from him.

"What are you reading, Professor?" She asked politely. Despite his constant insistence that she refer to him as Horace, Lily still felt the familiarity was too awkward.

"Fascinating piece. I think you would enjoy it, the evolution of newt experimentation in relation to the potion field." Slughorn responded brightly. "It may be of some interest to you, if you would like…"

Lily grimaced internally, she could only imagine the graphics that came along with the text. "No thank you. I think I have quite enough NEWT readings as is." She smiled.

"What? Ah, yes. I suppose you might." He replied, laughing heartily at her play on words.

"How were your holidays, Professor?" Lily asked, steering the topic away from school work.

Slughorn's eyes brightened at the question. "Quite fascinating, actually! Went to visit an old student of mine—works at the Nigerian ministry. May have mentioned her once or twice before."

Lily rolled her eyes to herself, she loved Slughorn as if he were her father but she never really could get over the name-dropping and the humble bragging. "I believe so, yes." She demurred.

"Could be you one day that I'm visiting, Ms. Evans." Slughorn winked playfully.

Lily nodded but didn't say anything more. She hoped she would be as successful as some of his former students one day. Being wildly successful in a far off place didn't seem too bad. All she had to do was figure out what she really wanted to do for a career.

"And did you get all your supplies all right? I know you mentioned potentially not having the money for a new cauldron." He continued, Lily's silence going unnoticed

"Yes, I have everything I need for the year." She replied quickly. She had mentioned to Slughorn at the end of last year that Hogwart's supplies were very expensive. She had tried to avoid mention of her family's modest finances but he seemed to have figured it out all the same.

They spoke of their summers in the remaining minutes before the chatter in the hall reminded Slughorn that it was nearly time for class.

* * *

For most of the day, James had been struggling to come to terms with what he had seen and heard last night. He had, he thought, finally settled his thoughts enough to come to potions. Yet, once he took his now-customary seat next to Lily, the girl that had made a mess of his thoughts all day now, he was posed with another problem: How was he supposed to act around her, knowing what he knew and feeling as terribly as he felt but still trying to keep a semblance of normality?

He didn't deserve to be her friend, he knew—always known really. Still some horribly selfish part of him wanted to try, he wanted it to work. He thought perhaps that this was also the part of him that wanted to be punished, because how could it not? Because while being around Lily, he felt the same immense guilt as that night.

James jumped at a pinch on his arm.

"Ow! What?" He exclaimed, turning towards the red head.

"I said 'yours or mine?' Cauldrons. You know, for potions?" She gestured vaguely around the room.

"Oh, yes. Right. Sorry." He shook his head as if that would help clear his thoughts. "We can use mine, I suppose." He mumbled, pulling the thing out of his bag.

Lily stared enviously for a moment at his shining pewter cauldron, mentally comparing it to the shoddy second-hand one that remained in her bag. She blinked away the thought, no use comparing what couldn't be fixed. She flipped her potions text open to the pages Professor Slughorn had written on the board and, seeing James was once again distracted, huffed lightly before going to gather the needed ingredients from the cupboard.

* * *

"Merlin, Potter, keep up!" Lily hissed for what must have been the eighth time in the past five minutes.

"Hm?" James responded as the girl shoved him out of the way and took up stirring responsibilities.

Lily huffed again, "Just…slice these in thirds and put them in when you're done. Is that easy enough for you?" She snapped, shoving over a small cutting board with a small pile of wild hyssop roots. Since they had begun the potion, James had been unable to follow the simple tasks Lily had put in front of him. Instead, he chose to stare blankly at the brew in front of him and occasionally flick his gaze over to Lily's profile, much to her annoyance.

He nodded, his hands automatically moving to cut the pieces in front of him. When he finished, he measured out the amount meant to go into the potion.

"Wonderful. Thank you." Lily commented sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

James's eyes moved to the floor in front of their bench, looking more _through_ it than actually at it as his thoughts returned, for the umpteenth time, to the Head Dorms. Once again trying to go over the events of the previous night.

"What the—Potter! I said _slice,_ not chop! You bloody imbecile!" Lily exclaimed as their potion began to boil over with a vicious-looking orange froth. It spilled out and quickly overtook the first half of Lily's notes before she yanked them away.

"Oy!" James yelled in surprise as a large bubble popped and spattered onto the surface where James's hand had been a moment before.

Lily turned a blazing stare onto James, "What have you done!" In a desperate attempt to reign in the spoilt brew, Lily began to wave her wand frantically with no real spell in mind.

"Calm down!" James snapped, before grabbing a handful of an herb from the other side of the table, and tossing them into the potion.

"What in Merlin's name do you thi—?" Lily began to exclaim when, suddenly, their potion went flat. The only hints that anything had gone wrong were the steaming bits of foam that had escaped over the brim and Lily's half-soaked, half-burned notes that were hanging limply in her left hand.

"Lavender tends to counteract the effects of an over-saturated hyssop potion." James explained in a low tone.

"Oh." Lily responded, before realizing she was still angry. "Yes, well, we wouldn't have needed it if you hadn't been so preoccupied." She said accusingly. Lily held up her papers and half-heartedly tried to shake off some of the potion that had rendered her notes unusable. "And seeing as your father is supposedly a potions _master_ , you could have perhaps thought about that earlier."

James opened his mouth to respond, but before he could thing of what to say, Slughorn had come over.

"Is everything alright over here?" The professor asked, looking pointedly between the two students and at the now-calm potion.

"Yes, professor. It is now, the lavender seemed to counteract the major problems." James offered with a sidelong glance at the girl next to him.

"Nicely done, Mr. Potter. Nicely done, indeed. However, as I'm sure you're well aware, the lavender renders your whole potion inert and you'd have to start over. But, seeing how class time is nearly up you'll both need to write me an essay on the history, preparation, and uses of the Grembley's potion as well as what went wrong with yours. I believe one foot should be sufficient. You two are free to leave, there's not much more you can do here. Clean your stations."

As Slughorn left, James could swear he heard Lily mutter something as she packed to leave along the lines of "I'll give you a second foot—right up your arse, Potter."

* * *

At dinner that night, Lily, with quite a bit of prodding from her friends recounted her fight with James. Not that she had needed to—the Gryffindor dorms was apparently just _buzzing_ with the gossip. Emmeline and Alice were absolutely hysterical with the news that by the end Lily had finished it, their eyes were streaming with tears. Emmeline had nearly planted her face right into her plate of mashed potatoes, too weak to hold it up from her laughter.

"Classic Evans." Sirius commented, catching the tail end of Lily's story. He sat beside the girl and slung his arm casually around her shoulders. She huffed and shrugged off the oppressively heavy limb.

"Is she alright?" Peter asked, taking a seat beside Marlene and shooting a concerned glance at the raven haired girl, her shoulders still shaking and head bowed with silent laughter.

"Yeah, just give her a minute." Marlene sighed, shooting a hard glance at Emmeline's back.

"It's just that she—and he—" Emmeline attempted to wheeze out, her watery eyes looked over to Lily and then to Alice. The two girls made brief eye contact, before grinning madly and the giggling restarted.

"Oh Merlin, here they go again." Lily muttered. "Oy, it really wasn't that funny!" She prodded the top of Emmeline's head.

She turned to Marlene with a desperate look "I didn't even make up any creative insults this time." She whined.

"I'm honestly not even sure why I'm laughing so hard." Alice responded, calming down enough to answer. "Perhaps it's just the withdrawal. It's been an entire summer since we've seen one of these and what with your new agreement we thought the days were behind us." Peter, Sirius, and Lily all shot her a dubious look. "Ok, well maybe not _over_. But that they were perhaps numbered." Alice defended.

Lily glanced over at Marlene, noticing the girl had remained relatively quiet since she had begun speaking. "You ok?" Lily asked.

"Yes, fine." She paused and bit her lip. "I just think that, maybe, you should apologize to James."

" _What?_ " Lily asked, dumbfounded. _Apologize to him?_ She hadn't done anything wrong! He should be apologizing to her! He had ruined their potion and had given her even _more_ work to do in time she definitely didn't have.

Emmeline had stopped laughing.

"Listen, if you want this truce to work then you need to put in effort on your part as well."

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but Marley continued. "He's apologized to you a number of times already, and it wasn't as if those times were entirely his fault either."

Lily's protests were once again interrupted by a very pointed finger Marley held up in her direction.

"And, let's be honest, your response was a complete over reaction. We both know you want it to work. So just go find James and apologize." Marlene finished, arching her eyebrow and just daring Lily to respond.

All Lily could do was shoot deadly glares at her friend. She was so wrong! It was ridiculous. Apologize to _Potter_. Hell would freeze over before she apologized to him. _Over reaction, my ass!_ Lily snorted.

"Anything you have to add, Black?" She hissed, turning to the boy next to her.

His eyes were wide and his eyebrows were nearly in his hairline. "There is no way I'm getting in the middle of this." He responded, shaking his head and frowning in distaste. "No, nope. I'm good." He stepped away from the table, grabbing three rolls and the butter dish. "Pete, you want to uh…" he made a very pointed gesture toward the entrance, giving the smaller boy a look.

"Yup." The boy squeaked, hopping up and himself grabbing another two rolls. The two hurried out.

Lily watched as they hurried out of the two large doors at the end of the hall before turning back to her friend. Marlene was still watching her with pursed lips, her hands interwoven and placed lightly on the table in front of her.

Lily turned her gaze to the other two, who had fallen silent. "Anything you want to say?" She repeated.

They shook their heads, Alice vigorously and Emmeline with a calculated look in her eye.

Lily glared at Marlene once more before grabbing her bag from the ground by her feet. "Fine. I'm going to the library." She said in a clipped tone, following the boy's path out of the double doors.

* * *

After the first half an hour of quietly muttering to herself about idiotic friends and the merits of hermit-ism, Lily finally pulled out her work. Thinking to get the stupid essay out of the way, Lily found a quiet corner in the potions section and pulled out the two books she needed to complete it. After an hour and a half of burying herself in the work, she shrugged and decided that was the best work Slughorn was going to get from her. The following hour was spent reading her texts for the rest of the week, already feeling behind.

Hesitantly, she packed up her books. She wasn't willing to go back to her rooms, since she was likely to see James there and she very much did not intend on going to the Gryffindor tower. She had realized, sometime in the midst of reading her charms text and revising for transfiguration that maybe, _just maybe_ , Marlene could have been a tiny (teeny tiny) bit right.

Lily walked back to the Head dorms with her nose buried in a book. Ever since she was little, Lily had attempted to perfect the art of walking and reading at the same time, only looking up occasionally to check if the path in front of her was clear. It was in this way that Lily made the slow trek back to her dorms.

She had just exited one of the stairways to a main hall and, glancing up at the floor before her, paused. Her heart gave a little jerking squeeze at the sight before her.

At the end of the hall was Severus, his back was turned to her but she would recognize him anywhere. She must have made a noise because he turned to look behind him and seeing her, turned in his path to close the distance between them. Lily's knuckles turned white against the pages as her grip tightened. _No, not now. Turn away, Lily. Walk away._ She told herself, but her feet were leaden.

Severus opened his mouth, his lips forming a word as he called out to her. "Lil—" he began. A bright yellow light hit the Slytherin in the side, he clutched it in surprise. Lily glanced down at her hands, her wand was not in them. It was in her pockets where she had stored it before. But how had she…?

"Having a problem, Snivellus?" Lily turned to see Sirius behind her, smirking. Her thoughts quickly put two and two together and her body seemed to relax now that the potential threat was gone. Snape didn't seem in any serious harm, perhaps a minor pain but nothing Lily felt she was required to act on as a head. Besides, she didn't care about what happened to Severus. She couldn't.

"What did you do to him?" She turned back to check on the boy, now furiously itching at his side.

Sirius shrugged. "He's a thorn in my side, so I decided to give him one of his own. Metaphorically speaking. A sort of poetic justice, I think."

Lily eyed Sirius critically. "You're not going to give me a demerit, are you?" Sirius asked, batting his eyelashes.

Lily took a breath. "No." Secretly, Lily was relieved that Sirius had shown up. She had begun to feel the onset of another panic attack and the thought of being unconscious around Snape scared her more than anything.

"Well, c'mon then. Nothing left to be done here. I'll walk you back to your rooms." He slung an arm over her shoulder and turned her away from Severus. Lily took one more look at the boy, seething but unharmed, at his spot on the floor before ducking her head and letting Sirius guide her away.

They walked back to her tower in a comfortable quiet. Lily had quickly shrugged off Sirius' arm from her shoulder—his weight always seemed to be just slightly too heavy to be comfortable—as well as the guilt she felt for not performing her proper Head Girl duties of helping Severus and reprimanding Sirius.

The two Gryffindors stopped outside the painting. Lily spoke the password and turned the handle, expecting Sirius to follow her in. He had stopped at the door.

"Aren't you coming to hang out with James?" She asked, noticing his pause.

"Nah. I've gotten a better offer on my night's plans. I think they'll prove to be much more entertaining than whatever he has to offer me."

"Ah." Lily commented, her lip curling in distaste.

"If you know what I mean." He smiled, eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Yeah, no I got it."

"Sex, Lily. I'm talking about the good ol' in and out."

"Thank you, Sirius." Lily cut off, speaking over him and turning away from the boy. He chuckled in amusement.

"Anytime Evans!" He called as the painting swung shut behind her.

In the stairway, Lily paused and shook her head. A small smile played at the corners of her mouth, shockingly finding herself thankful for Sirius Black, again. He had once again been in the exact right place at the exact right time. He had also somehow managed to shift her mood completely and make her forget about Snape. Again. She shook her head once more before entering into the rooms

James sat at his desk, pen scribbling furiously against a piece of parchment. A few of his textbooks were laid out on the table and opened to various pages. He didn't look up immediately when Lily entered.

She paused, watching him for a moment and thinking back to what Marlene had told her. She should apologize. She sighed and he glanced up at the noise.

"Lo, Lily." He greeted distractedly.

He began to turn back to his notes but paused as Lily opened her mouth. "Potter…" she began.

He looked at her expectantly, prompting her to continue.

"Um...g'night" She finishes lamely, tucking her head down and heading to her room.

* * *

 **A/N:** as always, I welcome any and all feedback! They fill me with joy :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** still definitely not JK...

 **A/N:** I'm back! For those of you still with this story-thank you! and also, how are you this patient?! I totally suck as an updater. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this next chapter! Thank you to everyone who has commented, you guys are all crazy nice for the internet ;)

And, Happy (early) Halloween!

* * *

 **CHAPTER 10**

As Lily entered the Charms classroom, she noted in dread that Mason was already beside her customary seat, his parchment before him and book open. She paused at the top of the stairs and toyed with the thought of heading to the bathroom to eat up the extra few minutes before class. _No. There is no way I will let Mason take this away from me. Not charms. Suck it up and put on your big girl robes, Evans._

She walked determinedly to her seat and took extra care in pulling each item she needed from her bag. Just because she didn't allow herself to leave the classroom didn't mean she wouldn't try everything in her power to spend every minute she could finding ways to not talk to her overly eager ex.

It worked, mostly. Mason only got to ask two very pointed questions about her weekend plans before Professor Flitwick called for attention. Lily could think of only a few times when she had been happier to see the endearing little gobelin.

The class was spent reviewing the Cheering Charm. So, by the time class had finished, Lily was in a decidedly chipper mood, due to her own perfectly executed spells. Yet, as Mason went to take her bag Lily felt a flash of fear to accompany her near persistent frustration with him. She clutched the bag closer to her side. Today was the full moon.

"I think it might be best if I walk to class myself today." Lily said quickly, heading for the door.

"What's wrong, Lily-pad?" Mason asked, smiling in amusement and following her out the door.

"Well, it's just that…" Lily struggled to find an excuse other than 'my friend turns into a werewolf today and it seems to make him a bit territorial and, well, hate you'.

"I just…I really have to go to the bathroom." Lily nodded seriously.

"Here, let me hold your bag. I can wait for you." Mason once again attempted to slide the satchel off her shoulder. Lily yanked it back.

"I wouldn't want you to be late for class, waiting for me and all. Besides we're in two totally different directions and I was really hoping to get to class early and stake out my spot and—bye!" Lily yelled, practically sprinting down the hallway away from the sandy haired boy.

"Wotcher, Lily." Remus greeted, eyeing the red-cheeked girl as she fell heavily into the seat beside him.

"Hi." Lily huffed, slightly out of breath from her run through the halls. Despite having left Mason in her dust outside of the room, she couldn't take any chances that he wouldn't try to follow her regardless.

"Didn't realize Charms was such a physically taxing class." He commented.

"It's not. Escaping Mason is, though. I swear that boy is part dog with the way he trails around after me." Lily replied, rolling her eyes. Remus' eyes flashed yellow at the other boy's name. Lily grimaced.

"I don't think I should sit with you at lunch today." She said suddenly.

"Oh?" Remus said shortly. Lily winced internally, recognizing all too well his tone. It was Remus's way of showing he was none too happy with a situation mixed with a healthy dose of self loathing. Yet the boy was too nice to ever voice it outright.

"I'm so sorry, Remus. It's just that Mason will not let me alone and I don't want to cause you any extra stress today. I'm afraid that Mason will come try to talk to me like he did yesterday with you there so I'm taking myself out of the equation." She explained. "But I promise to buy you loads of chocolate in Hogsmeade. You'll be sick of the stuff when we're through." She promised, smiling weakly.

Remus frowned and sighed slightly. "You're right." He agreed, after a brief pause. "It's for the best."

"You'll have thoughts of chocolate to keep you company." Lily laughed deciding to ignore his irrational self hatred and lighten the mood. She nudged Remus' shoulder with her own. He chuckled, though Lily knew he was still a bit upset. _Stupid masochist idiot._ She thought sadly.

* * *

As Lily entered the Great Hall after her Arithmancy class, she scanned Gryffindor table and caught the eye of Remus. She offered him a sad smile and a shrug which he answered with a small nod before returning back to hunching over his food and pushing it around lamely.

 _He never does have a large appetite before the moon._ Lily thought disapprovingly, wishing she could sit by him and shove some food down his throat. Lovingly, of course.

A further scan told Lily that she was the first to lunch of her friends and felt both relieved and disappointed. She hurried quickly to a relatively secluded spot far enough from the Marauders so that if Mason _were_ to join her, Remus wouldn't be provoked.

Head down in a book and carefully munching away at her plate of food, Lily didn't hear Marlene and Emmeline approach. The red head jumped in surprise as Marlene jostled her in taking her seat next to the girl.

Lily sighed, and set her book down. She could tell that from the look on Emmeline's face, Marlene hadn't dropped the subject from the night before.

As Marlene opened her mouth to begin speaking, Alice fell into the bench across from Lily at Emmeline's side. Lily breathed a quiet sigh of relief as the petit girl started talking rapidly, thankful to have a few more minutes before Marlene went off on her again.

"'Lo." she acknowledged though not stopping to wait for response, her face was flushed. "Professor Binns held us late again. I don't know what it is about that man, but he seems to say so much in one class without saying anything. And I'm always so famished towards the end of it that I nearly ran out at the end just to make it here on time." She rambled, hurriedly slapping together two pieces of bread with honey and jam before taking one massive bite. "Anyway," she said, mouth still half full with food. "What were we talking about here?"

"Nothing, yet." Marlene answered, looking pointedly at Lily. The redhead sighed again, knowing what was coming next. "I was just thinking we could finish our conversation from yesterday, since Lily left before we had a chance to finish." she said, archly.

"I thought we were finished." Lily shrugged. "You said your piece and I stormed off."

"Well, did you find James and apologize after you stormed off?" Emmeline asked. The look on Lily's face was answer enough for her. "Then, I don't think Marlene is done."

Lily turned to face the girl, who looked like she was rearing up for another fight and suddenly decided she didn't have the energy to give her one. Especially since she had come to the same conclusion the night before. "Would it make you feel better if I told you I tried?"

Marlene paused for a moment, looking shocked. "You did?" Emmeline looked up from examining her split ends and arched her eyebrow.

"I mean, it didn't work. I tried to say the words but they didn't exactly...come out."

"What do you mean 'they didn't exactly come out'?" Alice asked curiously, voicing the same question Marlene had been about to ask but with decidedly less malice in her one.

"Well, when I got back to the room last night, he was sitting at his desk doing work and I opened my mouth and..."

"and then?" Marlene pressed.

"...and then I said goodnight and went to my room." Lily bit her lip. Emmeline rolled her eyes.

Marlene opened her mouth to retort, but Alice beat her to it.

"Maybe you're still resentful of the old James."

Lily snorted. "What do you mean 'old James'?"

"You can't honestly believe you haven't seen any change in him since classes started." Marlene reponded.

"It hasn't even been a month. For all I know, he'll forget this silly agreement tomorrow and go back to his..." Lily paused, she had been about to say 'regular old self'. Marlene gave her a knowing smile.

"His what?" Marlene prodded.

"Never mind. I promise I'll try again. Now can we drop it?"

Marlene searched her face for a moment, a victorious smirk playing at the corner of her lips. Lily watched her expression carefully. She hated that Marlene felt as if she won but hoped her promise (however half-hearted) was enough for them to move on.

"Consider it entirely forgotten." Emmeline said, staring lazily at a raspberry she had speared on a fork. Alice agreed enthusiastically and Marlene nodded as well.

"Has it, Em? I noticed your stupid little book was nowhere to be seen yesterday."

Emmeline sighed dramatically, "I took it out of my bag this past week. I naively thought that with this agreement the days of tallies had come to a close." She leaned down and rummaged through her bag, pulling out the book. "Won't be making that mistake again." She winked.

Lily rolled her eyes and turned back to Marlene.

"Friends again, or are you going to try and convince me Potter is not the anti-christ?" Lily asked, smirking at her friend.

"Do they have to be mutually exclusive?" The girl asked innocently.

Lily laughed, glad to not be on the outs with her friend. Though her near admittance of 'new James' and Marlene's expression still sat at the back of her mind.

* * *

"I think that's quite enough for you today, Ms. Evans. Perhaps you should take a more observational stance today." Prof. McGonagall said after Lily's eighth failed attempt and third near classmate mangling.

Lily fell into her seat miserably, practically throwing her wand to the far end of the desk. Her ears and face were burning from being called out in front of the entire class.

"You'll get it, Lil. You always do." Alice said, patting the girl comfortingly on the shoulder.

Lily glared enviously as her friend once again seamlessly turned her group of mice into four perfect and shining quills all at once.

"We're still in beginner Transfiguration! If I'm doing this poorly at the start can you imagine what it will be like when we actually begin the complicated stuff? Future Potions Mistresses aren't allowed to fail transfiguration. The training programs would never take me!" Lily panicked, her mind already devolving into a downward spiral.

Marlene rolled her eyes at Alice, well used to Lily's Transfiguration dramatics. "Oh posh, Evans. You're being ridiculous and self pity gets you nowhere." She paused. "Though...there is a certain Head who could help. And we both know it's not you." Marlene giggled, looking over to where Kirby Merker's hair was still dripping from the icicles Lily had created when her spell misfired (though how she had cast that particular spell in a Transfiguration class was beyond her).

Lily frowned guiltily at Kirby, who was still shooting her the occasional side eye, then turned to glare at her friend. "Watch it, McKinnon. I already promised to apologize today." She grumbled, packing her bag in preparation for class to let out.

"Yes, but you're so easy to wear down, I thought I'd give it a try. I mean, you could have held out a lot longer with apologizing." Marlene pointed out.

"Great so now I'm a miserable failure of a witch and a push over." Lily retorted, playing out the over-dramatics. "Besides," she added, "would you have let up?"

"Nope." Marlene said immediately.

Lily shook her head and laughed.

"James is quite good at this, Lily. He's the best in our year." Alice added gently as the three girls walked out the door of McGonagall's class.

Lily had, very awkwardly, trailed James from their Defense class all the way to the potions door in the dungeons. At any other point, Lily would not have felt even remotely uncomfortable or even noticed she had been doing it if it had not been for the nearly palpable tension between the two.

The only thing that made it bearable was the rest of the Gryffindors taking the same route, all buzzing about the DADA lecture they had just had. Lily, herself, had distracted herself by thinking about how Prof. Trodaire's demeanor wasn't quite so inflamed as the first day but there was still this strange energy that infused every word with gravity and a sense of worth.

Lily followed James all the way to their seats, unable to distract herself with other thoughts now that she was sitting so close to Potter. She could feel the tension make it's way into her muscles and shifted awkwardly in her seat, trying to roll out the stiffness. She could tell from the body language of the boy next to her that he was trying very hard to ignore the same feeling.

As Slughorn started his lecture, Lily began to relax into the mindless task of note taking and felt more than saw the same happen to James. Though, when Slughorn clapped his hands to begin the practical part of the lesson, the air around them seemed to stiffen once again.

The next hour passed in what Lily realized later was the most bizarre character change yet of James, and perhaps even herself in regards to him. He was quiet- not silent but almost-and the little he did say was soft-spoken and careful. She found herself mimicking the same things, it felt as if she were walking on eggshells. Minute by minute, the tension they had begun the class with leached out as each realized that the other wasn't about to explode in anger. Yet, the quietness stayed.

"The book says to stir for 2 minutes, right?" James verified.

"No, I think it's actually two and a half." Lily corrected, scanning the pages of her text.

"Oh."

This was the most argumentative exchange, and perhaps the longest, that took place the entire class.

When Slughorn called for class to finish, they stowed away their brews needing to let them sit and ferment overnight before continuing the next class.

The two Heads left the room, exchanging only a brief nod as they left their station.

* * *

That night in the Head's room, Lily sat and once again thought about Marlene's admonishment at that night's dinner (again!) for not having apologized to James at the first chance she had in Potions lecture. And as annoyed as Lily was, she knew Marlene was right (again). So after dinner, Lily posted herself on the couch in the middle of the room and waited for James to come back.

She had seen him at dinner, but he had left with the other Marauders in a rush, presumably going to see Remus before the full moon took effect. Lily had expected that he would be back shortly but she still found herself sitting there after an hour passed, and then two, until it was past midnight and there was still no James.

Her books were laid out before her, and much of her work had been completed in her waiting. But her eyes were beginning to blur at the thought of reading one more word about advanced Transfiguration techniques. It's not like I'm going to suddenly become an expert in a night. Lily finally gave up and walked over to her bookshelf. She scanned her collection for a moment before picking up one of the many books she miraculously-or one could say magically-fit in her trunk.

She yawned, realizing that this was far later than she normally stayed up. She was almost annoyed that he hadn't returned, it was irrational, she knew, but she was sacrificing her sleep (one of her most cherished things) to what? Apologize to James?

Lily indulged the sentiment for a moment before shaking it off. She knew she had to, and if not now then when? Besides, she wasn't looking forward to Marlene's reaction if she didn't do it before breakfast tomorrow. That alone was enough to steel her reserve.

When James finally did slip quietly the Heads dormitory at 4 in the morning, he tensed in noticing that the light was still on in the common area. As he walked in he couldn't help the smile on his face.

Lily was splayed out awkwardly on the couch, a book resting open on her stomach. He nearly left her there. He was too tired and scratched up to think of much else other than his bed but he knew that the way head was resting on her shoulder meant she would be waking up to a painful crick in her neck.

"Hey, Evans." He said quietly, pushing her shoulder lightly in an attempt to wake her up.

She let out a short groan, her head rolling off her shoulder and quickly jerking up. She rubbed her eyes wearily. They opened half mast, as if her eyelids were too heavy to complete the job.

"Potter." She said wearily. She rolled her neck, rubbing out the cramp that had begun at the base of it.

"You fell asleep out here."

"I'm sorry." Lily mumbled out, her eyes still half closed.

James pauses. "Oh...um...that's alright?" Confused as to why she would be apologizing for falling asleep in the common room.

"That's what I'm here for," she made a grand, uncoordinated motion that James assumed meant the couch, "I waited for you to apologize. To you. Not to me." Her face furrowed in frustration. "I apologize to you."

James looked at her, puzzled.

She paused befort trying again. "I was rude to you in Potions. I didn't mean to yell. Well, I-I did mean to yell, but...I shouldn't have. So I'm sorry." She nodded, satisfied.

"Oh," James said again, "well...thanks." He replied awkwardly.

Lily nodded again and then began to slump back into the couch, her eyes already closed.

"Why don't we get you to bed?" He asked, already pulling her up off the couch before she could respond. She grumbled, but followed without protest as he guided her to her door which had been left ajar and into her room.

James led her to the bed and watched as she lied down, making sure she didn't accidentally miss the bed and hit the floor.

"It's not usually this easy to get me in to bed." She slurred as she pulled the covers up to her neck.

He paused and tensed, his eyes going wide before his brain caught up and told him that she was attempting to make a joke. Yet it still took all of his strength not to utter a surly reply.

As he turned to leave the room, Lily called out after him.

"Hey, James?"

"Yeah?"

There was a long pause, and James half assumed she had fallen back to sleep. "You can borrow my records"

"Alright." He chuckled and turned to leave again.

"But you can't use my record player. It was my dad's."

"I'll get mine sent to me." He agreed.

Lily made a sound that seemed like the conversation was over. James turned and closed the door behind him.

* * *

 **A/N** Opinions? I know there wasn't too much L/J in this chapter, but hopefully that little niblet was enough to tide you over until next time :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Unlike many beloved teen movies, my halloween wish to become JK did not lead to any wacky hijinks. Maybe the New Year...

 **A/N:** What's this? A new update? But so soon! I figured if any holiday was appropriate to give a witchy gift, it would be this one ;) Also, I realized after I uploaded last chapter that it was significantly shorter than all the others which is just cruel to have you all wait over a month for. So enjoy!

Also, I'm going to start responding to comments, because I think you awesome readers need to be recognized :) So, **TrueHomiePiP** I totally agree that these two are trying so hard to repress themselves. The situation is new and awkward, especially after so many years of antagony everyone is super confused. I've started to think of the two of them as magnets with repelling charges. You try so hard to push them together but they constantly resist. I guess we'll find out how they work it out ;) **Anagram11** I'm glad last chapter wasn't as disappointing, hopefully this post will dispel any left over injustice-y feels.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 11**

The next morning was incredibly hard for James as he rolled out of bed. In addition to running around in attempt to tame a very riled up werewolf, he had gotten barely three and a half hours of sleep that night. His short trek to the bathroom was really more of an uncoordinated stumble.

In a practiced and calculated motion, James examined his torso for any particularly vicious cuts. Satisfied there weren't any too serious, he carefully turned from side to side to register the particularly tender spots that hadn't colored yet.

The minor scrapes were already on their way to healing, though the massive bruise on his side where Padfoot had body slammed him was turning a disturbing greenish yellow color. All in all, he had gotten off lucky.

He exited his room a few minutes later, grappling for the third time with aligning the buttons on his shirt properly. In the corner of his eye he saw Lily, sitting in the scarlet armchair with a Transfiguration book. She huffed and closed the text sharply, looking up at James.

She gave him a discerning once over and tossed him a half-filled potion vial from the low table before her. He caught it and swigged it down in one gulp. The familiar effects of the pepper-up potion washed over him.

He smiled at her in thanks. "You make one hell of a pepper up, Evans. I may begin to form a habit, if you're not careful."

She laughed. "There's a strange irony in a son becoming addicted to a potion created by his own father."

"Well, at least we know I can sustain the habit." He quipped, able to now that he was fully conscious. He smiled wider, happy to have gotten a laugh from her.

"So, um..." she bit her lip nerously, "I just wanted to apologize...again, if my memory is right."

"You remember correctly." He chuckled.

She nodded, opening her mouth and closing it again, as if she were hesitant to say something more. "Did I, um, did I say anything stupid?" She asked, a little annoyed that she had left herself in a vulnerable position to Potter.

He thought to her comment to him as he had tucked her in bed. "No, nothing." He shook his head, deciding against mentioning it. She searched his face for a moment before sighing in relief. She nodded again, seemingly satisfied at what she had found in his features.

They walked out of their dormitory together, heading down to breakfast.

"So what were you doing out so late? It must have been well past four when you got back." Lily asked.

James froze for a moment, caught off guard by her curiosity. He hadn't prepared any excuse, he hadn't thought Lily would notice his late return let alone be interested in his whereabouts. Does she know? Why would she be asking? Maybe she's on to us...

"Wouldn't you like to know, Evans." He smirked, immediately wincing when he caught her gaze harden. "Just revisiting some old stomping grounds." He recovered, trying to sound casual.

"With your partners in crime?"

He scoffed, "It's not as if I do everything with them." He lied, thinking that if she knew they had been together somehow she would find out their secret. It was irrational, perhaps, but Lily Evans was scarily clever and if she had found Remus's secret from mere coincidence then there's no telling what she would find if she was actually looking for it.

She nodded, apparently dropping her line of questioning. Not with Sirius or Peter. Must have been a girl, that's why he's being so evasive about it. Lily felt a flash of irritation, how was it fair that while she waited hours for his return so she could apologize, he was out in some dirty broom closet doing god knows what. It's not as if I care he was with a girl. She thought, pushing away the annoyance again.

They walked the rest of the way in relative silence. When they reached the Great Hall, they noticed all their friends had already arrived and were sitting together towards the far end of the Gryffindor table.

They took their places across from each other, wedging in between their friends and joining the conversation.

"That is honestly one of the most upsetting things I've seen, Black." Emmeline said, her nose scrunching in distaste at the sight before her. Sirius's plate was mounted high with eggs and sausage and beans. On a second plate was a small mountain of toast soaked through with butter.

Sirius swallowed a mouthful before responding. "I'm a growing boy. I've got to keep the energy up. Never know what could happen." He repsonded sagely.

"No man on earth needs that much energy." Emmeline scoffed.

"Obviously, you haven't encountered a real man." Sirius replied, the look on his face making his meaning all too evident. He smirked widely at the raven haired girl.

She gave him a once-over, a sly smile spreading across her lips. "Not yet, at least."

"Take it somewhere else. I'm already nauseated enough as is." Remus commented wearily, barely lifting his head from its resting place on the table.

Automatically, Lily reached for two cups filling up one and then the other with steaming tea. She offered the first to James. He looked down at the proferred mug in surprise, hesitating.

"I'm still apologizing." Lily explained, moving her outstretched arm closer to him. "Besides, I drank half of the pepper up this morning, consider this the other half." She continued with a small smile.

He took it slowly from her hands, offering a small smile of his own in thanks before taking a sip.

Lily reached for the sugar before realizing that her friends had gone a bit too quiet. She looked up at them, all were regarding her with expressions of varying surprise. Except, of course, for Remus who was lightly snoring from his position on the table. It took the girl a moment before she realized why they were looking at her so strangely.

"You did want me to apologize, didn't you?" Lily asked, directing the question at Marlene.

James looked up in mild surprise at the two girls. He hadn't realized that it had been a subject of conversation between the two. He felt a mix of annoyance and relief that Marlene had prodded Lily on his behalf. He wished that the Head Girl would have come to apologize on her own but knowing how stubborn she could be, he now realized it was incredibly unlikely she would have without the assistance.

"Of course." Marlene responded after a moment.

"Then stop looking so surprised." Lily replied before turning back to her plate that she had begun filling with food.

James caught the look that Marlene exchanged with Sirius, but decided to let it fall.

Emmeline subtly pulled out her little notebook and marked a gleaming silver line before stowing it back in her bag.

* * *

As Lily took her place in Potions that day next to James she realized it was the first time she was actually fully looking forward to the class. Between the group of Slytherins (just the one in particular, really) that had put her on edge the first few weeks and then the situation with James her enthusiasm for the subject had been overshadowed in recent days.

However, with her slow but increasing comfort of being in the same room with the Slytherin and the reconciliation she had reached with James she allowed herself to feel excited.

Obviously, that was a mistake.

Not within five minutes of continuing their potions from last class, a loud explosion and heat sounded directly behind Lily and singed the tips of her hair. The entire class turned to see the singed face and bald head of their classmate.

"Mr Roussis, please see yourself up to the Hospital Wing for some hair regrowth potion." Professor Slughorn called from the front of the class.

"Yes, sir." The boy responded, tucking his head down as he rushed out of the class. A scattered few laughs followed him out.

"Mr Snape, if you would be so kind as to take Mr Briareus's place and share your potion with Ms Pirelieu."

The slytherin, who had been working alone at the back of the class and, cauldron in his arms, moved to take the place of the boy.

Lily froze. He was right behind her. She could feel his eyes burning into her back and her entire self seemed to be heightened in painful clarity of just how close he was. She thought that she might have been able to feel the air currents he was making with his exhales and it made her skin crawl.

She looked down and focused hard on the neat lines of intructions in front of her.

 _8 drops essence of cassis_

 _Stir in one at a time, making sure each has been mixed in fully before adding the next._

 _3 Fargen wings, crushed_

 _After addition of wings, increase heat and let potion come to simmering boil_

"Lily," James said, pulling her out of her book, "are you alright? You've gone white."

"I-I'm fine." She replied quietly.

"You're hands are shaking." He pointed out. She flexed the betraying appendages into fists to stop the trembling.

"Just cold." She assured, waving it off. Her hand hit her quill out of the ink jar and the feather fell to the floor. "Shit." she muttered, turning and bending in her seat to pick it up. As she turned back to the desk her eyes caught those of Snape. He had obviously been watching her since he had taken his place directly behind the girl.

He had watched as she slowly crumbled before him. She could only imagine the look of righteous content on his face.

That did it for Lily.

"I think I might be sick." She muttered, already feeling the familiar signs of an attack coming on.

James look startled. "Do you need me to-" he began, but was cut off by Lily frantically shaking her head.

"I-I need to go." She was already shoving her books and materials haphazardly into her bag and hurrying out of the room.

By some miracle, she managed to make it to the prefects bathroom before fully breaking down.

She hunched over the sinks, arms braced on either side of the faucets and head tucked into her neck. She stood like this for long minutes.

 _Breath, Lily._ She reminded herself, remebering the soothing words that Sirius had used to talk her down the first time he had found her. The thought that Sirius Black had a calming presence on her was nearly enough to shock her out of her current state. It was almost laughable.

She took in her features in the mirror and found, though pale, the face was unchanged. That seemingly obvious realization centered her. She looked hard into the bright green eyes in the mirror. The same ones that she had seen every other day oh her life. The glowing orbs seemed to anchor her.

"You're safe." She repeated to herself, fixing her face into one of defiance. If she said it with enough conviction, maybe she would believe it.

The muffled sounds of students voices filtered into the bathroom and drew Lily further back to reality. For a moment, she feared that someone would enter the room and find her there. So instead, Lily pinched her cheeks to bring the color back and picking up her bag from beside her. Before she had enough time to think about it, she rushed out of the bathroom to join the throngs of students that had just been let out of their last class of the day.

* * *

James jerked awake, his dream retreating back into his mind and only leaving behind the feeling of wind rushing and whistling in his ears. He blinked in the darkness, confused as to what had startled him awake. Suddenly the last moments of his dream came back.

The whistling wind he had heard had suddenly gotten louder, the soft rushing had become a scream. But not just any scream, it had been Lily's wordless cry.

Shaken, James closed his eyes once more but with his sight blocked out he began to pick up on sounds coming from the bedroom beside his. They were quiet, but no less agitated than the one he had heard in his dream. James shot up once again, realizing that the noise that had pulled him from his sleep hadn't come from his mind.

Another cry sounded, muffled by the walls between them. The boy reached blindly for his glasses, shoving them on before retrieving his wand from under his pillow.

The bathroom tiles were cold on his feet as he moved quickly to her door. He paused for a moment, thinking about how angry she had been last time he had made his way into her room. The thought didn't keep him for long. Now that he was outside her door, he could hear the whimpering clearly.

He didn't even try the handle before pointing his wand and blasting the door wide open.

Lily jerked up and in the pale moonlight streaming in from the window, he could see her cheeks were wet with tears.

"What the-" Lily exclaimed, her eyes whirling from the door that led into the common area to the one where James stood. Her eyes widened with fear for an instant before hardening.

"What the hell do you want, Potter?" She demanded. "It's..." she cast a quick tempus spell "nearly four in the morning!" She hissed. "How the hell did you even get in here?" She demanded after a moment's thought, realizing James would be hard pressed getting tthrough the locking spells she had put on her doors.

James opened his mouth to respond, but Lily beat him to it. "What in Merlin's name did you do to my door!?" She yelled, noticing the awkward way the door leaned, sagging on the only hinge left intact.

"You were crying." He shrugged, as if it explained everything.

A multitude of emotions flashed across Lily's features-fear, annoyance, shock-and James thought for a fleeting moment he had seen gratitude before it was hurriedly erased by disbelief. She wiped her cheeks, trying in part to hide her face as well as wipe off the evidence.

"So your first thought was to...break down my door?" She recovered, lashing out at him.

"Would I have been able to get in another way?" He questioned, referencing the wards she had put up around her room. His eyes flashed in annoyance. Why was she annoyed at him? She had very obviously been having a nightmare. Something that his blasting down the door had rescued her from. _Again._ A voice in the back of his mind reminded him darkly.

Lily's annoyance spiked. She had been careless, once again. She should have known better-put up a silencing ward, something to keep Potter away. But at the same time, she wasn't his responsibility. _What gives him the right to break in to my room?_ She thought, turning the anger she felt for her own carelessness into a more useful fury.

"Why do you think you should come in at all?" She challenged.

He stood stunned for a moment. Was she serious? His own annyance bristled up against her own. Was she really that proud that she couldn't stoop down and admit that he had helped her? Well fine, if she wasn't willing to accept his help then why should he bother giving it.

"You woke me up. I couldn't have been expected to sleep through all the sniffling." He sneered, feeling the implsive need to hurt her, humiliate her. Like she had done to him.

Lily's eyes widened and then went hard. "Sorry to have interrupted your precious sleep." She bit out coldly. James felt a flash of remorse but it was buried quickly by his impetuousness.

He turned on his heel and stomped back towards his room. "Maybe throw up a muffliato next time and I won't be so inclined to disturb you." James called behind him, sarcasm dripping off every word. He flicked his wand over his shoulder and heard the satisfying slam of the door as it righted itself and swung closed with a snap.

* * *

James snuck out of the rooms a few hours after, dressed in his quidditch uniform and a warming charm. The sun had still not risen on the pitch when he arrived, but the boy had found that after hours of lying awake in his bed he couldn't be there any longer. The anger that only seemed to fester in his gut made him restless.

With the anger, a sense of certain rightness also settled within him. He had been harsh, yes, and perhaps he felt a little guilty of some of the things he'd said, but at the core he had been right. It was Lily who had acted out of turn, needlessly lashing out at him rather than accepting he had helped.

Not bothering to walk all the way to the shed, James stood in the middle of the field and summoned his broom to him. He jumped on with a practiced move as the broom zoomed towards him and angled it upwards.

For the next half hour, James practiced with ruthless focus, his mind set to think only of what turn to take next, the position of his hands and angle of his body. The chaser pulled the ever-present snitch out of his pocket and chased it around the pitch before finally tiring himself out.

He sat lazily on his broom, floating gently on the air currents and watched as the sun rose.

* * *

 **A/N** A bit of a frustraing end for those two... Thoughts?


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** Nothing is mine. Except for the stuff you don't recognize. But even then it's 90% JKR's brilliance

 **A/N:** Sorry it has (once again) been so long. Thank you to everyone for reading this lil thing. I hope you enjoy this next one and if I don't post before: Happy Christmas, Hannukah, Festivus, and any other assorted Holidays that are coming up (such as my birthday-shout out to my December babies)!

 **TrueHomiePiP** I know! Lily and James do kinda suck a little bit when it comes to, well, eachother :/. I suppose we'll just have to see why she's still so torn up about snape, huh? **Auntleona0** I've always thoughtJames was a bit too 'rush head first into danger' for his own good. They're in a tough place right now, those two...

* * *

 **CHAPTER 12**

Over the next few days, the Gryffindor seventh years found themselves trapped in a tense quiet. Though obviously on the outs, Lily and James had veered from their conventional schedule. Rather then their usual screaming matches and hexing, they had chosen to take a different route. Their relationship had gone non-verbal, only exchanging glares when they accidentally made eye contact or walking away in a huff when the other happened to approach.

The Marauders found James hanging out in their room even more frequently than he usually did, which would have been perfectly fine if he didn't spend the majority of the time pouting on Sirius' bed and grumbling to himself under his breath about a 'bloody wooden door'.

Lily spent the time she wasn't in the library locked in her bedroom so as not to encounter James when he came back in the evenings.

The other Gryffindors could only imagine what did happen when the two happened to run into each other in their own private head dorms (a scene which Sirius had enthusiastically reenacted with Peter one evening in the common room). The entire situation had the lot of them on the edge of their seats. When either of them opened their mouths to talk, the group would nervously glance at one another wondering whether this time would be the tipping point.

Though, they had to admit this sort of quiet disagreement was much less disruptive for students and seemed to keep the Hogwarts property intact.

The brooding silence only lasted for a few days (which had, in reality, felt more like weeks), yet the Marauders let out a collective sigh of relief when, on Friday afternoon, the mention of Quidditch had James perk up about his first practice that weekend. Sirius, in fact, let out an actual sigh loud enough to draw attention from neighbouring tables when James sat down with them at Friday's dinner with a smile.

Lily, too, seemed to brighten a bit at this piece of news. Her own happiness coming from her realisation that she would be getting her entire Saturday morning to herself. She could laze around the Head dorms without fear of seeing James instead of forcing herself to get up before him and hide out in the library.

James stood on the Quidditch pitch that morning with a building sense of excitement. Quidditch was starting again. Well, starting in the sense that the team was reformed and James now had a real, full team to direct and run plays with since Quidditch was never really over for him.

He shook out his muscles to relieve some of the pent up energy and ran a hand through his hair. At the sound of frosted grass crunching beneath feet he turned to the exhausted group of Gryffindors trudging towards him in full Quidditch gear.

"Good morning, my gallantly gorgeous group of Gryffindors" He called to them, with a wide lopsided smile.

"Ugh, alliteration. He's in one of his moods." Emmeline grumbled to Sirius, who nodded sadly.

"What do you mean? This is the happiest I've seen him all week." Alice asked, now surveying her new captain nervously.

"Exactly, it's unnatural." Sirius shook his head, speaking loud enough for his messy haired friend to hear. "Woke up at 7 o'clock on a Saturday morning and the bastard has the audacity to smile." The boy glared at the morning sun as if it were personally offensive to him.

"It was actually 5." James corrected with a grin. "Not all of us can just waste away our day in bed." His smile widened as Sirius growled.

"See," Sirius turned toward Alice and gestured pointedly, "just unnatural."

"Alright everyone, I gave you the introductory spiel last week, so we're just going to hop to it. Beaters, on your brooms!"

"Bastard." Sirius muttered under his breath, unable to come up with a more creative insult so early in the morning. He and Emmeline stepped forward out of the pack and took off on their brooms. James released the bludgers, not giving any further instructions to the two. Despite his complaining, James knew that Sirius would run the drills without help.

He watched his two beaters for a moment before turning his attention back to the rest of the team. "Alright, everyone else drop your brooms and follow me." He called, gesturing for the others to begin running laps.

An hour later, James and Alice sat on the sidelines, watching as the keeper, beaters, and chasers ran plays. James watched carefully, his eyes flitting about as he analyzed the field.

"How's Frank?" James asked, not taking his eyes off his team. It took Alice a minute to realize he was even talking to her.

"Frank? Oh, fine, I suppose." Alice huffed, still catching her breath from all the drills James had just made her run.

The boy quirked his eyebrow and casted a quick side glance her way. Alice had never been one for brief answers.

"Well, you know, he's going through auror training now so he can't write too much and even when he does he can't tell me much of anything. Classified." She let out a breath of air that was meant to be a laugh, though the humor was absent. "What he does tell me..." Alice swallowed and paused a moment, "it's getting bad." She said finally.

James could feel the air around them shift with the subject. It felt heavy.

"Voldemort?" James asked, his analytical eyes now assessing her.

"Yes, Voldemort and...other things." She hedged.

James stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

"The death eaters too, but not just them. The elitism, the anti-muggleborn sentiment, it's everywhere and it...it makes me afraid."

James nodded. It scared him too, when he let himself think about it. "Well, you know we'll protect you. All of us will." He assured her. And he did believe that, truly. He had no doubt in his mind that he would do everything in his power to make his friends safe.

Alice nodded and swallowed before continuing. "It's not just me though, is it? It's my family, my friends...and soon Frank will be out there. He'll be right on the front lines, you know?" she shook her head "and, Merlin, all those other muggleborns that live in this world. Who will protect them?"

James stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

Her expression changed suddenly, hardening. Her fists tensed as she continued. "And it makes me angry, too. How could people be so close-minded? How could anybody meet someone like...like Lily and say 'Merlin, that girl should be thrown in Azkaban.' Like she's some criminal...no, not a criminal. They see her as a crime against nature." She took a deep breath, releasing her tight fists. Her nails had made small crescents in her palms.

"They're getting away with it and I'm just...here. Learning how to transfigure a chicken back into a fucking egg, we're just moving backwards."

Alice saw as James' jaw tensed, his nostrils flared as he let out a heavy breath. With the mention of Lily's name, his mind had begun to turn. He had barely acknowledged the rest of what Alice had said.

He knew exactly what Alice was talking about. The sense of helplessness watching someone else in pain and being unable to do anything. The fear that someone else's life was threatened and the anger that anyone would threaten them in the first place for something that was out of their control, for being a crime against nature.

"What's going on between you two anyway?" Alice asked suddenly. The mood around them changing as suddenly as the subject. The oppressive air suddenly lifting.

"What do you mean?" Her question catching James off guard.

"You and Lily. Why are you two not speaking to each other?"

He blinked. "I don't know." And at that moment, he didn't. What must Lily be going through? She was a strong witch but he knew that despite the walls she put up, she wasn't unaffected by what was going on outside of Hogwarts. In fact, he knew she wasn't unaffected. He sneered at the thought of her former best friend betraying her trust.

James took a deep breath to continue.

"Oy, Cap'n! We've run through the play four times now and some of us are near about to pass out from hunger!" Sirius called, flying towards where James and Alice were sitting.

James broke out of his reverie. "Alright team, good work today! Head to the showers and get some food!"

James watched Alice rush by him with a frown. He wanted to keep talking with her. She had run off after changing out of her Quidditch uniform claiming she wanted to send Frank a letter about her first day's practice. Instead, James found himself walking towards the castle with Emmeline.

As they began their march across the Quidditch pitch, both caught sight of Sirius on the other side of the field. He was talking with a petite sixth year who had been watching the dark haired wizard practice with large doe eyes and a lovestruck smile.

They both regarded the couple for a moment before silently sharing a look. They trudged past the pitch and the winding uphill path to the castle in silence before Emmeline spoke.

"Poor girl." she commented, as Sirius slung his arm around the girl's shoulder. "Black is going to crush her."

James shook his head and frowned disapprovingly. "Sometimes I wonder where I went wrong with that boy." His hand over his heart as if he were a disappointed mother.

"Oh piss off, you do the same thing." Emmeline said haughtily, rolling her eyes at him before stepping through the massive entrance doors.

"I do not!" James retorted. His cry echoed off the walls of Hogwarts as he stepped inside the castle. The couple in question turned, Sirius throwing an annoyed glance at James before drawing the girl's attention back to himself. "I do not." James repeated in a lower tone.

Emmeline cast a doubtful glance towards the boy.

James frowned. "Sirius and I are not the same person."

Emmeline's eyes narrowed further and a wry smile moved across her lips. "Oh, really? Adora Macrae," she began ticking off on her fingers.

"That was third year!" He exclaimed with a laugh.

"Eleanora Quippet, Percia Bendry, and lest we forget; Shaia Prennick. Sweet girl, pretty too. It was terribly unfortunate that all those boils mysteriously appeared on her face after she yelled at Lily on your Hogsmeade date." Emmeline smirked, wiggling her four outstretched fingers victoriously in his face. Her smirk deepening when she saw the way his cheeks reddened at the mention of their redheaded compatriot.

They entered the Great Hall, James' grimace made more distinct by his burning cheeks.

"Fine, I'll admit. I was an idiot. Happy?"

Emmeline shrugged. "Not particularly, just proving my point."

"Your smug grin seems to say otherwise." James grumbled, running a hand through his hair. Still damp from the showers, it stood up stiffly from his scalp. "That's not me anymore, though." He said, looking over at where Sirius sat farther down the table, now stroking the girl's arm. The distaste was plain on James' face.

Emmeline shrugged, seemingly disinterested now as she slapped together two sandwiches.

"See ya, Potter." Emmeline said suddenly, waving her sandwich as a goodbye. She pushed herself away from the table and met Alice walking through the large double doors. The two turned and left promptly.

James cast another look down at Sirius with a frown. He sighed and began to prepare a plate. "I hate eating alone." He muttered to himself, hunching over his plate and taking an annoyed bite out of a piece of toast.

After dinner that night, the three Gryffindor girls made their way back to their dorm.

"James seemed a bit more upbeat today." Marlene commented.

"Boy's crazy about his Quidditch." Emmeline grumbled, yawning.

"I think he's going to apologize to Lily soon." Alice said, offhandedly.

"What makes you say that?" Marlene asked.

"Well, of course he's going to apologize to her. He's obsessed with our girl." Emmeline flopped down on her bed, shedding off her robes and dropping them into a pile on the floor.

"I was just talking to him at practice today." Alice shrugged, ignoring Emmeline's comment. "About Frank, the war, what's going to happen, why he was angry at Lily. He looked really guilty when I mentioned her."

"I was talking to him today, too," Emmeline chuckled, "about all his past dalliances." She said, raising her eyebrows suggestively at the last word. "Seems as if our Jamie is done with all that." she added, eyes widening conspiratorially.

"Well, of course, he is! How else is he going to make headway on our plan..." Marlene muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Plan?"

"What plan?" Alice and Emmeline both asked at the same time.

Both girls perked up from their beds, Marlene glanced up at them both surprised.

"Oh? The plan? Did I say that? I just meant general...life plan?" The girl tried lamely.

"Cut the bullshit, Marley. You know something." Emmeline said, jumping off her bed.

"You really are a terrible liar." Alice admitted.

"I just don't know if I should be telling you." Marlene hesitated, worrying her lip.

"But you're going to anyway." Emmeline said.

"Promise you won't tell?"

"Who would we even go to? We don't really have many other friends." Emmeline pointed out. Marlene shot the girl a pointed look and Alice rolled her eyes.

"We promise we won't tell Lily." Alice vowed, sticking out her pinky for Marlene to take. Emmeline observed the finger for a moment before holding out her own.

She sighed and nodded finally, wrapping their fingers with her own. "Fine. So, James has this idea..."

The two Heads walked back from dinner in silence, both acutely regretting that they had scheduled their first Hogsmeade meeting for that night. They had both successfully managed to avoid talking to the other for nearly a week and neither was eager to break that silence.

The password to their dorms was muttered and both stepped in lightly, making as little noise as possible. It seemed somehow that even their footsteps were hesitant to disrupt the quiet.

In the rooms, James and Lily spent long, strained minutes painstakingly preparing their materials. They shuffled and reshuffled their short stack of papers, taking almost comically careful measures so as not to be the first to speak.

Lily was the first to break the silence.

"So..." she said, clearing her throat.

"So." James echoed, nodding awkwardly. He made his way over to the middle of the room, lying out all his things on the short coffee and seating himself on the floor. Lily did the same opposite from him.

"I guess we should just...start." The girl said slowly, as if testing the waters with her words.

"I suppose we should." James said, nodding again. Nice going there, you wanker. Maybe say something constructive instead of acting like bloody marionette?

James cleared his throat and tried again. "Listen, Lily, before we start-" he began.

"Potter, I just wanted to say-" Lily started at the same time.

They both stopped.

"You first." James conceded, gesturing for her to continue.

Rip off the plaster, Lil. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry." She grimaced.

James chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Lily's expression hardened.

"Nothing, I was just...going to say the same thing. Should have done it on the count of three or something." James chuckled again awkwardly.

"Oh." She let out a little laugh as well.

James sighed heavily in relief at her laugh, grateful he hadn't screwed it up all over again. "Why are you sorry?" He asked.

"I think I, well, um...Merlin this is hard. Is it this hard for you to apologize to me?" Lily asked anxiously, twirling and retwirling a ginger lock tightly around her finger.

"I imagine it's all the years we didn't act like adults about things."

"And you think we do now?" Lily huffed in amusement. He smiled at that, sensing that there would be no screaming match tonight.

He shrugged, "We are trying to apologize." James pointed out. "Well, you are, at least. I, for one, am incredibly sorry."

"Oh here we go again, Potter trying to one up everybody with his cleverness and adjectives. A simple sorry would have been sufficient." Lily grumbled, rolling her eyes.

"'Cleverness and adjectives'" He repeated. "If you're not careful, Evans, you might have just found what they're going to put on my grave." His eyes crinkled with his smile.

"If you're not careful, Potter, I might be the one who puts it there." She retorted, giving him a wry smile.

"You're going into tombstone design, Evans? That's a startling career change. Didn't you want to save the world or something?"

She pursed her lips. "You know what I meant."

"Well, I still haven't heard yours." He pushed, testing the boundaries of her forgiveness.

"My what?"

"Your apology."

She glared at him. "I gave you as close as you're going to get to one. Besides, you blew off my bloody door."

"I fixed it!" He protested.

"Thank Merlin Prince Potter was here to fix the things he broke in the first place." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Lord."

"What?"

"Well, technically it's Lord Potter. My family doesn't have a kingdom, just a bit of land." James corrected.

Lily stared at him for a moment in complete silence.

"Unbelievable." She muttered, shaking her head.

"What was that?" James asked with a lopsided grin.

"Nothing. Let's just...get to work." Lily said, turning to the papers and schedules lying in front of her.

"Whatever you say...milady." He smirked, laughing as Lily whipped her quill at his head.

"Potter!"

"Lord Potter." He corrected again, bringing up his hands to protect his face as a book flew past his ear.

"How dare you not tell us this before!" Emmeline exclaimed, hitting her friend with a pillow.

"It's not as if it was my secret to tell! Besides, if James had told you the news would have gotten to Lily straight away. Oh, don't give me that look, Em. You know it's true." Marlene said, rolling her eyes.

"And he said he just wanted to be her friend?" Alice clarified for the fifth time.

"What a load of rubbish." Emmeline commented. "I'm almost offended he would try to deceive us like that."

"Well, technically, he didn't deceive you at all since he didn't tell you anything." Marlene ignored the glare the raven haired girl threw at her.

"Regardless, I'm so in for whatever scheming needs to be done." Alice smiled devilishly.

"There's no real scheming, he basically just comes to me for advice...or I just yell at him when he's fucked up." Marlene admitted.

"That will obviously be the first thing to change, now that we're aboard." Emmeline flicked a piece of hair over her shoulder. Alice nodded in agreement.

Marlene sighed and shook her head, she had a feeling that she would regret telling them this particular bit of gossip.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** months of absence have still left me with no ownership of the HP franchise :(

 **A/N:** hello my very patient (and understanding?) readers. I apologize for my absence. Like seriously. So sorry. I'll have another update coming soon.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 13**

"James Potter." Marlene called accusingly, marching up to his desk and taking a seat across from him. The few people who had bothered to force themselves to the library on a Tuesday evening looked up with varying expressions of surprise and grumpiness.

James' head whipped up from his coursework in surprise. He breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh Merlin, Marls. You sounded like Lily for a second. I thought I had done something wrong."

"I would say so." She said, arching her eyebrow at him.

One of the students at an adjacent table hushed her angrily.

"What is it this time?" James yawned, stretching out his back which had gone numb at some point during his studying.

"How about the fact you haven't talked to me in a month."

"Oh." He breathed in relief. His brain had been racing, trying to figure out what he had done in the four hours since Potions to warrant Marlene coming to yell at him.

"Oh?" She repeatedly archly. "That's all you have to say?"

"No, no," he backtracked, "I didn't mean it like 'oh' I meant it more as 'ohh'." He frowned sympathetically and proceeded to run a hand anxiously through his hair.

She arched her eyebrows once more at him before breaking into a grin. "Godric, you really are fun." She giggled.

He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Hm." He shook his head.

"I am a little miffed with you, though."

"Merlin, pick an emotion!" James rolled his eyes.

"Apparently you've been talking to everyone but me." She commented, beginning to tick off her fingers. "Alice, Emmeline, even Lily!"

"You girls really like your lists, huh?" He commented, nodding towards her wiggling fingers.

"What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Sorry for not talking to you." He said guiltily.

"You've been apologizing a lot lately." Marlene commented. He knew she meant Lily.

He nodded, "I have a lot to apologize for."

Marlene was silent for a moment, "I told Em and Alice about your plan."

"What plan?"

"For Lily."

"I didn't realize growing up was considered a plan." He sighed. "And for the last time, it's not _for_ Lily." He added when he saw the shadow of victory pass across the girl's features.

"Could've fooled us." Marlene laughed.

"What so now you're all talking about me. Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Not when the gossip is this juicy. Former bad boy prankster and unofficial head of marauders, James Potter, mysteriously goes good. Could Head Girl counterpart Lily Evans have anything to do with it?" Marlene declared, reading it like a newspaper headline.

"A bit long for the Prophet, don't you think?" James remarked sarcastically, unamused.

"We're seeing how the story develops before we settle on a title."

"Get back to me when you do."

"Anyway, what else is going on?" Marlene asked, switching topics.

"Not much. I'm absolutely buried in work." He gestured to all his textbooks strewn across the table. "For Merlin's sake, I'm in the library on a Tuesday!"

"You always go to the library on Tuesdays." Marlene pointed out.

"That's because it's a Tuesday. No one comes in here on Tuesdays and therefore don't see me in the library on a Tuesday." He paused. "I'm saying Tuesday a lot."

Marlene nodded.

"On top of all this NEWTs work I have Quidditch captain stuff to deal with _and_ Head meetings every other day. Dumbledore has obviously gone mad, giving me all this responsibility."

"Perhaps, but I think he knew what he was doing when he sent you that pin."She nodded to the head boy badge on his lapel. "I think you've proven yourself to be a rather impressive multi-tasker. And leader." She smiled.

"Thanks, Marley." He smiled back, chucking her on the shoulder like he did when they were kids.

"Well, now that that's out of the way...what the hell is going on with these transfiguration sequences." Marlene said, whipping out her notes from her bag and splaying them on top of one of James' many piles.

"You sneaky little..." James trailed off, shaking his head. "Give it here." He gestured, lowering his head in defeat and canning her papers.

Marlene winked, "You're the best, Jamie."

"Alright, we're getting absolutely no work done here. I'm going back to the tower." Marlene declared, rolling her parchment up and snapping her books shut with a wave of a wand.

"You're only miffed because you're losing." James smirked, but began to pack up his own materials.

"Oh, I'm losing a game you made up on the spot and decided all the rules to? Shocking, that." Marlene retorted, flipping a strand of hair over her shoulder and slipping her bag onto her shoulder.

For the last half an hour the two had been charming books off the shelves and seeing how far they could get them to crawl along the floor before the librarian charmed them back up to their proper place. Extra points, James had insisted, for the increasingly evident signs of frustration. Which, after he had started to direct his own books to bump the ankles of other students, he had swept the floor with Marlene's tries.

"I'll walk you back to Gryffindor." James offered, mirroring Marlene's actions.

Marlene nodded and the two walked in companionable silence out of the library and down the corridor.

As the grand wooden doors swung shut behind them, James aimed his wand to send three other books off the shelf and slowly start crawling their way around the room.

"To throw her off our scent." He stated after Marlene's confused glance.

The two walked in a friendly silence to the Gryffindor dorms. James gallantly, or overdramatically depending who you asked, standing to the side to allow Marlene to crawl through the porthole first. He followed quickly behind and the two wished each other goodnight before James bounded up the stairs to the boys dorms.

"Prongs, my good fellow!" He was greeted gaily by Sirius on his arrival in their room.

James glanced at the group, the three marauders were sat on the ground in a circle, crouched uncomfortably in front of a parchment paper. Sirius, almost comically stereotypical, had his shirt unbuttoned and his tie fastened around his head, his hair pulled back and standing up in all directions. It seemed as if he had made a messy attempt to roll up his sleeves and instead they sat in wrinkled bunches above his elbows. The wild look in the boy's eyes were unmistakable.

"Oh no. I can't be here for this." James shook his head, already backing out the way he came.

"James! Take a seat, we can't do this without you!" Peter exclaimed eagerly. He scooted over quickly, shoving Remus over.

"Hey" Remus and Sirius grumbled at the same time. The first for being unduly man handled and the latter for Peter assuming he wasn't capable of doing what they were without James.

"I told you I couldn't be involved with any of this. I'm Head Boy." He muttered the last part, seemingly more to remind himself. HIs eyes were already scanning over the paper they had laid out before them.

"Well...I suppose you're not really hurting anyone..." James said, shoving himself into his place and readjusting his glasses.

"The suds are much too small for what you're planning." James commented, shaking his head pensively.

"That's what I was telling him. We need to adjust the ratios." Remus agreed, pausing for a moment as he reviewed the potion. "Here...and here." He commented, scribbling out two measurements and correcting the proportions.

"And you're planning for tomorrow night? A little hasty, don't you think?" James asked, earning a raised eyebrow from Sirius.

"I've been thinking about this for a bit now. Seems I have a lot of free time to think with two roommates who don't wax poetic about cheeky red heads." Sirius retorted airily.

"Was that meant to be a subtle jab at me?" James frowned.

"Merlin help us if you thought that one was subtle." Remus muttered, earning a chuckle from Peter who in turn earned an elbow to the ribs from James.

"Well, alright then," James said after another quarter of an hour had passed, "I think I've sufficiently incriminated myself. Off to bed, lads." He stood, stretching his muscles and salute the other marauders before heading off.

"Oy!"a voice called out as James padded his way down the corridor. He turned and was abruptly blinded by wand light.

"You know it's after hours, you're not allowed out of the dorms without...oh, it's you." The voice stopped abruptly, realizing that he had been calling out to the Head Boy.

"Mind lowering that wand, mate?" James asked, the light was abruptly lowered.

"Sorry, James." The boy said bashfully. James blinked, the spots slowly fading from his vision. He recognized the two prefects but their names escaped him. The boy who had called out, he knew, was a Hufflepuff and the girl, who had remained silent, was a Slytherin, he could see from her tie. Both were first time prefects, and fifth years.

"S'alright."

"Students aren't meant to be out without written permission from a professor or staff member." The girl informed, reciting the text from the manual. Her expression reminded James somewhat of the Head Girl.

James smiled, amused. "Yes, thank you."

"He's the Head Boy, I think we can let this one slide." Her male companion reasoned. The boy threw a quick glance towards James.

The girl frowned momentarily, her eyes flicking between her prefect companion and the Head Boy standing before her. "I suppose." She decided after a moment. James could almost see the reasoning behind her decision, who would get her in trouble? Both Head Boy and prefect on duty were complicit.

He gave her a half sincere grin in thanks and hurried back to his room.

* * *

The Marauders sat anxiously at dinner. There was always a thinly veiled vein of excitement and anticipation that ran between them as they waited for their pranks to unfold. James had come down to dinner with Lily, arriving later than the others and had chosen to sit beside her, a few seats away from the group. It was odd, James had thought, not sitting with his pranking companions but likely a better choice on his part. The further he was away from the Marauders, the less likely he would be implicated if things went wrong.

He half-hated the fact that he had to think like this with his new status, but the boys had reassured him on more than one occasion the night before that they understood.

As the food magically appeared on the central platters, the boys shared a look before serving themselves generously.

It was time.

James only half-listened as Alice spoke to him about some Potions drama that had happened to her the previous day, his gaze focusing just beyond her head to the other side of the Great Hall. He relied on his brain to respond and react properly to her questions but hardly processed whatever the girl was saying.

His eyes had fixed themselves on one sixth year Slytherin who at that very moment was spooning gravy onto her plate. As she took a bite, James clenched his jaw to keep his self satisfied grin at bay and took a large bite of the food in front of him.

He watched as Sirius talked boisterously with Emmeline, laughing loudly. When the first soapy scents of a prank well done made their way to the Gryffindor end of the hall, the two boys shared a quick glance.

It had started suddenly at first but as the bubbles began to appear from the Slytherin's platters, the process only sped up. Eventually, the entire length of the table was covered in soapy pink bubbles. Many Slytherins had begun to stand, looking utterly confused at their table. Many had pulled their wands out to defend themselves against whatever was happening.

The other tables had begun to notice at well. Many students glanced at their own food nervously, waiting for the same thing to happen to them.

Then, the first bubble popped.

It wasn't loud, but the little voice could be clearly heard by the entire hall, "clean out your mouths, your dirty snakes."

Then a whole chorus started. As the bubbles popped, each made a small quip. "Forked tongues are bad for hygiene," "improper bathing makes skin scaly," "for a hairless animal, you sure are greasy". On and on they went.

James had to admit that they weren't the most well-crafted of insults, but the boys had done their best with the short timeline. He grinned to himself. The nervous tittering of the other students had transformed into laughter and James felt himself unable to hold back joining with a chuckle of his own.

His bark of laughter caused Lily's attention to snap to him. He stopped abruptly at her dirty look.

 _Oh no._ He thought, his eyes widened and he shrugged helplessly. "It wasn't me." He mouthed.

Lily's eyes flicked back to the Slytherin table where the bubbles were already dying down and the food underneath reappeared, no worse for the wear. As she turned her gaze back to him, he noticed that her appraising look was cut by the upturn of her lips.

James couldn't help but smile back, shaking his head and holding up his hands innocently as if to convey that there was nothing to be done.

Lily turned to Alice and finally let out a tinkle of laughter. James was right, there was nothing to be done. Slughorn had taken out his wand and had made the few remaining bubbles disappear.

James watched her laugh for a moment longer and finally turned back to his food, smiling down at his plate.

* * *

 **A/N** As usual, I would love a good ol' R &R :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** again, still nothing.

* * *

 **CHAPTER 14**

"Did you get my letter?" Lily jerked in surprise at the voice. She had been making last minute edits on her potions essay from the potions disaster she and James had created previously.

She hadn't heard or felt anyone sit down next to her. She felt the now-familiar—but no less terrifying—wave of panic rush over her. She glanced at Severus out of the corner of her eye, but she didn't think she could look at him full on.

"Yes." She whispered quietly and trained her eyes blankly on the empty notebook page in front of her. Students filed in, walking past her desk and filling in the rows of their potions class.

"And?" He prompted, his voice was tinged with desperation.

Lily bit her lip. "I burned it." She replied, still not looking up from watching the feet of the students who walked past. She had hoped that maybe that had been a sufficient enough answer and he would get up and walk away, though she knew better. She could already feel her heart speeding and heard the rush of blood in her ears.

He paused a moment. "No you didn't. You're lying. You always do that thing with your lip when you lie. I know you, Lil."

"Don't call me that." She hissed, finally snapping her gaze to his face. "Don't call me 'Lil'. I'm not your friend." Her hands had clenched into fists and she could feel her face reddening in anger.

He looked slightly taken aback by her sudden shift of emotion, but recovered quickly. He was on a mission. "I just want to talk to you. Please let me explain, you never gave me a chance to explain." He pleaded, his eyes were searching her face for something that she didn't know. She hoped he didn't find it.

She replied in a whisper, not confident that her voice could handle anymore. Her throat was beginning to close, "You don't deserve a _chance_. I gave you chances, multiple. That one," she winced inwardly at the mere thought of it, and she knew that he knew exactly what she was referring to, "was your last chance. Now please leave, I was saving that seat for someone." She lied again, but she was too angry or upset to feel guilty about it. She dropped her gaze back to the table

"Please just let me explain." He repeated. She looked around the room and felt the panic mount in her chest. It was almost time for class to start and she didn't know if she could sit next to him for double potions, let alone another five minutes. She couldn't breathe.

She looked back at Severus and her heart jumped and gave a squeeze. Lily felt her face go hot, she began to sweat, her chest felt as if it would explode. White blotches began to cloud her vision and she thought she would pass out. She placed her palms flat on the desk and bowed her head, letting her hair fall around her face so he couldn't see. _I will not let him see what he does to me. I will not look weak._ She chanted to herself, taking deep, calming breaths as Sirius had told her to do the last time. Her eyes began to water, threatening to spill over onto the desk.

"Lily, are you—" Severus began.

"If you would kindly remove yourself from my seat, Snivellus." James Potter's voice sounded and Lily had never been so thankful to hear him in her life.

Severus sneered, "Last I checked this was _my_ seat."

It was quiet for a moment. "Leave. Now." The words were hard and cold, Lily could only imagine what James looked like right now. She peeked up at him through the curtain of her hair. His face was stony, eyes cold and staring very intently at Severus. His lips had curled and he looked as if he was about to let out a growl. James Potter looked positively threatening.

Severus turned to Lily and opened his mouth to say something "Don't talk to her." James said in the same cold tone. With that, Severus sneered at James again, gathered his belongings and walked to the back of the class. With that, Slughorn called for everyone to take their places and began their lesson for the day.

Lily heard James rustle about and move to sit next to her. Her heart was still racing and she was still finding it hard to breathe, but the white spots had receded to the edges of her vision and she could feel her face cooling to a more normal tone.

Suddenly, she felt a careful hand placed on her back. James began to rub slow circles and leaned in close, "Just breathe deep, Evans." He murmured. His voice was no longer the terrifying growl of before, but had become a soft, soothing rhythm. "You're having a panic attack, just calm down and focus on breathing." He sent her a constant stream of soothing words—nearly identical to the ones Sirius had used—whispering lowly so Slughorn couldn't hear.

After a few moments, Lily collected herself and took one last shuddering breath. Intense relief flooded her system and she thanked whatever divine being that was out there that this attack had been short-lived.

James tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Better?" He whispered. Lily nodded, not trusting herself to form words, and lifted her head. James's hand still rested on her back. She swallowed and gave him a small smile.

"Yes, better." She said finally. He gave her one last look, studying her face carefully and slipped his hand from her back. He turned and began to listen to Slughorn and Lily quickly began scribbling notes. She shook her head a couple time to get rid of the pesky white dots that still lingered.

She ripped off a piece of parchment and scribbled something before folding it and sliding it over to James.

 _Thank You._ It read.

James did not look over at her, but his lips quirked into a smile. He scribbled something and slid it back.

 _ **What good are co-workers if not to talk you down from a fainting spell?**_ He'd written. Lily smiled in spite of herself and shook her head slightly. Here she was trying to give James a genuine thanks and he was just playing it off like a joke and yet, Lily could not find the anger in her. Not after what he had just done for her.

 _I'm serious, thank you. That was very…decent of you._ She replied.

 _ **Don't sound so surprised, Evans.**_ Lily rolled her eyes.

 _I don't think I sounded like anything seeing as this is a note._

 _ **Yes, well, there's was a very distinct tone in your writing.**_

 _I didn't intend for one. I apologize._

 _ **You're forgiven. Besides, there's no need to thank me. What I did was entirely selfish.**_

 _How do you suppose that?_

 _ **Do you understand how much Head work I'd have to do if you were in the Hospital Wing?**_

 _Ah, yes, the paperwork. Can't believe I didn't realize that before._

 _ **I mean, you are terribly dense, Evans. Don't beat yourself up about it. We can't all be as clever and prudent as me.**_

Lily shoved James lightly and shot him a glare, which was utterly ruined by the smile that had crept onto her face.

 _ **No need for physical abuse. You really should learn how to start talking out your problems like an adult.**_ He added.

Lily snorted loudly when she realized that he had just repeated back the same words she had said to him at the beginning of term.

"Something funny, Ms. Evans?" Slughorn asked, he was looking at her sternly, but the sparkle in his eye told her he wasn't angry.

"No, Professor, sorry." She replied, her ears heating in embarrassment.

 _ **Dear Merlin, Ms. Evans, what on earth has gotten into you?**_ James wrote, sliding the parchment over to her.

 _Shut it, Potter._ She wrote, before scribbling furiously to catch up with all the notes that had been written on the board.

 _ **Passing notes in class**_ **,** _ **laughing when Slughorn is speaking, not listening to the Professor, slacking on your note-taking…**_

 _ **Am I beginning to rub off on you?**_

 _ **Merlin, I'm so proud I could cry.**_

 _ **Or faint.**_

 _ **I'm sorry, that was too far...**_

 _ **Truce?**_

 _ **OK! OK! I'm sorry, stop hitting me, woman!**_

 _I,_ _**James Potter**_ _, understand and acknowledge that it is improper to use the word 'woman' as an insulting term for a person of the opposite gender and promise to never do so again. If I do so ever again I will give up my fortune and livelihood to one Ms. Lily Evans, primary drafter and executor of this contract. By signing the bottom of said contract, I hereby agree to the terms and condition set forth and am contractually obligated to follow through._

 _Signed,_

 _x._ _ **Mr. James Fleamont (Shut up, Evans, it's a family name!) Potter**_ _, a right ponce_

 _ **Dear God, Evans, is it necessary that I sign this?**_

 _Yes._

 _ **Really, Lily, 'a right ponce'? That's just cruel, I'm already offering up my immense wealth and livelihood.**_

 _The people need to know._

 _ **The people don't know I'm a ponce already?**_

 _Well of course they do, but now it's in legally binding writing._

 _ **You do know that that's not legally binding, right?**_

 _It is in the Muggle world._

 _ **You need an authorized notary in the Muggle world.**_

 _How do you know what a notary is?!_

 _ **I do pay attention in class on occasion. Unlike you, apparently.**_

 _Shit._

 _ **Obviously you need to learn how to multi-task. Like me. Look, I'm taking notes**_ **and** _ **writing notes to you.**_

 _ **Don't worry, I'll show you how it's done. I'm a good teacher.**_

 _ **Okay, fine, I charmed my quill to take notes for me. But**_ **how** _**did I do it?**_

 _ **Alright, you obviously know ho**_

 _Unfortunately, James will not be able to continue writing his notes due to the fact that his quill was mysteriously snapped in half._

 _x._ _Lily Rose (I swear to Merlin, if you tell anyone my middle name is Rose I will_ **castrate** _you) Evans ._

By the time they had stopped passing notes and returned to dutifully _taking_ them, Lily had forgotten entirely about her unfortunate interaction with Snape. She had been too caught up with James's playfulness and witty banter that the memory of her panic attack that had occurred only a half hour previously had retreated to the recesses of her mind. James was thrilled to have made some headway in his friendship with Lily, happy that he was able to tease her without having his head ripped off.

What the two of them didn't notice as they smiled happily to themselves was the odd looks that the other students were sending their way. In fact, the looks had begun the moment James had put his hand on Lily's back and she hadn't immediately swiped it away. The Hogwarts students of that particular period of double potions were completely vexed by this seemingly welcomed display of affection.

Severus, however, was not vexed. He was furious, scandalized. In years past it had been his job to comfort Lily, to offer an ear to rant to or a shoulder to cry on or some other sort of body part to comfort her (not like _that_ ). He could have never anticipated his being replaced, by _James Potter_ of all the people! He felt the rage boil up within him and simmer there. Lily Evans would be his again. And James Potter would pay for daring to stand in for him.

* * *

"Potter?" Lily said from her windowsill. Her potions homework lay nearly empty in front of her, despite having stared at it for a good half hour now.

"Hm?" He mumbled in reply from the central loveseat, taking a moment before glancing up from his Charms text to look at the red head. His glasses had been pushed on top of his head, making his already messy hair stand nearly straight, he was stretched out rather comfortably on the couch, his legs dangling over the edge and an extra pillow behind him to support his head. When he saw the expression on Lily's (albeit very blurry) face, he dropped the glasses back down to his nose, bookmarked his page, and straightened himself out, pivoting on the chair to sit properly and leaning his elbows on his knees.

Lily, for some unknown reason, was almost touched by his action. "In potions today…" She began, biting the inside of her cheek uncomfortably.

"Are you trying to thank me again? 'Cause we've already established that my reasons were purely self-serving." He smirked, though there was no malice behind it. This is what James Potter teasing looked like.

"No, I, erm, nevermind." She said, biting her lip now. James looked at her for a moment longer, eyebrows cocked.

"You sure?" He asked. Lily nodded, turning back once again to attempt her potions work.

A few minutes passed by before Lily spoke again. "How is it that you knew what to do?" She blurted, figuring she wouldn't have the guts if she didn't just say it outright.

"Sorry?" James replied looking up from his book.

"In class, how is it, erm, you knew what to do when I had my…" She trailed off, unsure what she should call it.

"Anxiety attack?" James supplied. Lily nodded and smiled awkwardly. "I used to get them a lot when I was younger." He said casually, shrugging.

"You—what?"

"Yeah, I had and uncle who was an auror. I was really close with him, he would stay with me and my parents when he wasn't on a mission. He used to bring back these wild things from his trips and tell me stories. I didn't really know much about what exactly he did when I was a kid, just thought he was some bigshot hero. My parents always told me how proud I should be of him, and how brave he was." Lily winced at his use of past tense, James caught it with a sad smile. "Yeah, he was killed on a mission when I was twelve. My attacks started right after his death." He paused for a moment, not out of any sort of emotional disturbance, but just wondering how much Lily really needed to hear. "My mum used to talk me through them, and then at school, Sirius."

 _So that's how he knew in the tunnels. Why he thought that Potter could help._ She shifted uncomfortably on her perch. "I'm sorry." She said softly.

He shrugged. "It's been a few years, I don't mind talking about it but I just don't find a need to bring it up much." Lily let out a laugh despite herself. _Imagine, bringing that up in conversation. 'Nice weather we're having. Oh, by the way, did you know my uncle died which causes me to have debilitating panic attacks.'_ James smiled, his eyes seeming to twinkle. "A real conversation starter, that one." He added, seeming to voice exactly what Lily was thinking.

They sat in silence for a moment. "Is it—it's Snape, right?" He asked quietly, looking at Lily carefully. He seemed hesitant, as if he didn't really want to know the answer. He regretted asking nearly the moment it came out, but he had to know. Would it change anything if he knew? Would he feel any less guilty in the role it took to get Lily to this point?

A muscle in her cheek spasmed involuntarily at the Slytherin's name. She was prepared to deny it or play dumb, but she found herself nodding automatically. After all that James had just shared with her, it only seemed fair to return the favour.

That seemed to cause a strong reaction in the Head Boy. He grimaced as if he were in physical pain. The answer to his questions was yes. And no. The guilt once again overtook him as he was reminded of the part he had played, how he had damaged the strong, fiery girl sitting across the room from him. Yet, it didn't make the guilt increase, only temporarily bubble to the surface. He stood up suddenly.

"I—I have to go." He said, barely looking towards the Head Girl as he swiftly exited the room. She stared after him dumbfounded. A mixture of hurt and anger bubbled to the surface and hot tears formed in her eyes. She clenched her jaw, refusing to let any of the tears fall for James bloody Potter. Of course she couldn't expect anything more of him. Of _course_. This was James bleeding toe-rag Potter.

* * *

James stopped walking once he reached the stairs on the opposite side of the castle. Only then had his need to get away abated enough for him to pause. He couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand being near her and the vulnerable look on her face.

The boy slipped into a dark, abandoned classroom and closed the door, sitting against it.

She was broken, and he had broken her. How could he ever think they could be friends? How could he think that he could repair anything with his friendship. How selfish it was of him. If anything, his being near her would only prolong her healing process. He was toxic.

* * *

Lily sat on the couch in their rooms. She stared with single-minded focus at the wrinkled square of paper before her. Still folded from the day it had been left on her windowsill, her name written the familiar scrawling print that she hated.

She was so angry. At her situation. At Severus. At herself. But most especially at James Potter. How dare he just walk out after she shared one of her most personal and painful secrets.

How naive could she be? This was James Potter. She thought he had changed, that they had been forging, however slowly and stiltedly, some sort of friendship these past weeks. Obviously he had not.

Perhaps he had just been playing some sort of bizarre, twisted long con: gaining her trust so he could humiliate and tease her more absolutely. It was brilliant, she had to admit. It took a real commitment to change himself so completely and intentionally in order to gain her trust.

She refocused her attention on the letter in front of her. The one that had started the day's chain of events. She glared at it bitterly, thinking she really should burn it as she had told Severus she'd done. yet something gave her pause. She wasn't going to open it, she knew that. At least, not tonight but she couldn't bring herself to get rid of it.

Her lip curled as she shoved the note back into the pocket she had pulled it from. She refused to think about it. Severus would not have this last bit of power over her and neither would James. She would not let his twisted, evil game get to her. She would not feel rage or sadness or disappointment. She would feel nothing.

* * *

James stood from his hard seat on the floor, making his way to the Gryffindor tower. It was late and everyone was likely to be asleep already which was just fine by him as he didn't want to speak to anybody that night.

He slipped into his old bed in the Gryffindor's room and falls into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Lily's screams woke her up to a silent tower. After the panic, she was relieved there would be no door breaking that night but her journey back to sleep was uneasy. The silent stillness of being the only body in the Head dorm left her anxious.


End file.
